cOuLdn'T aSk fOr mOrE

I woke up earlier with a brand new perspective in my life. I feel so light actually. God.. My heart is so overwhelmed by this strange feeling.. It seems like something inside me will burst out.. and I feel like crying too. I don't understand why all of a sudden, I am surrounded by everything positive. I thank God for this undescribable contentment I am feeling.

As always.. I am just curious to know how this magic happened. I know though that when good things happen.. one shouldn't ask WHY?.. but then again.. no harm asking.. HOW? instead right.. =)

I remember this line from a movie I watched days ago. It goes like this "When you get bit by a snake, you're supposed to suck the poison out." And yes.. that's what I did. It took a long time to do it cos I was kinda hopin it would fade out on its own but it didn't.. so I had to force it out.. and goodness.. it has been done alright! I'm smiling all the time cos things are where they should be finally.. I have the grandest family.. the bestest buddies, my little cutie Riane and a great big bag of chances.. chances to grow.. chances to be happy.. and who knows.. the chance to meet the love of my life.. hay.. I also saw myself in the mirror lately.. my God truly blessed me.. haha! I always thought.. people get what they deserve in life and by all the painful past I've been through.. just proves that I'm just that darn stubborn and impatient to see the wonders around me.. and I deserve to get hurt for that.

A fella told me.. "You're just lucky you didn't end up the other way around.." Wow.. so true.. I mean.. like I said.. I have all the chances in the world right now. I have a grand future that awaits me. All I have to do is look forward to what good fate will bring me.. Well yes.. I know.. I'm still not Ms. Goody Two-Shoes.. A little maldita side kicking in every now and then.. But I'm getting it on real well. And yes.. some people will try to screw me up real hard.. but by now.. I know how God loves me so much.. and I've realized that He has been hitting me with His shoes for some time now and I'm just not paying much attention to the hit..

Finding every reason to smile and laugh really isn't that hard when you get to it. Like this morning.. I saw this guy at work wearing a statement shirt saying "KONG is in my pants" hahaha! I doubt it.. haha! Goodness.. sure.. whatever makes you feel happy dude.. whew.. oh and our dog Dirty.. she was smiling at me.. haha! With all the teeth showing like that of a human being.. creepy I know.. but it's really funny too.. I went home having the exact fare.. two rides of jeepney totaling to P14.00.. and guess what.. I'm still making head turns as I walk all the way home.. If they only knew.. may baby na akuuu noh! hehe..

Thinking..

Fears? Yup.. there are still a few.. but with all I've been through.. I know how to take them out of me.. or at least.. I know how to handle them. Like everyone else.. I'm afraid to fade.. And with all the things I've been realizing.. I can't leave just yet.. I've so much more to do.. So many things to share.. So many things to learn.. So many things to see.. and so many people to touch..

I want to go to all the wonderful places in the country.. and I'd like to take her there with me. I'll take her camping.. I'll take her on road trips, maybe when I get a car.. We'll go wherever the road takes us.. Maybe I'll take her to the beach.. I could just imagine Riane and me on white sands in our cute two piece bikinis.. Boy.. We're gona look so fierce in them.. Good thing I'm a good swimmer too.. I'll teach her how to.. or maybe, we could find someone to teach us better.. Hay.. I wish time would slow down a bit.. coz I'd like to savour every minute of my life with her.. cos when she grows up.. she'll have her own life and I won't pull her back from growing on her own. I'd like to take every moment with her while she's little and then maybe when she's the same age as me.. She'll miss me.. and maybe smile as she browse through our pictures together.. *I miss her already..* I have all the reasons to enjoy this lifetime.. And I wana live.. It's wonderful here.. I'd like to stay.. cos this life is worth living for.. And I'm sorry I seem to forget that most of the time..

I'm excited to get it on. I'm ready for life

Thinking.. *again*

God trully blessed me.. and I'm praying.. That all of us in this world becomes happy.. In that way.. everyone else will be surrounded by positive things. And them fears will just vanish gradually.. we just have to know who to turn to. Happiness comes from within.. and like a friend told me.. "You don't need to ask someone to make you happy.. God will provide them for you.. In His own good time.."

Haay..

I just remember.. I have a couple of statement shirts too.. One says "A day without laughter, is a day wasted." Call me crazy.. but I'm finding every reason to be happy. I miss this.. Looking out of my window..

Life surely is beautiful.. and the best things in it is free.. You just have to know where to get them..

to be continued..

for sure

=)

Seriously Ann..

STOP COMPLICATING THINGS!!

Sometimes the road to happiness is through the simplest things.. The most obvious answers are in front of you and that you should just have to be true to yourself and accept things as they come with the sincerest smile on your pretty face.. If you're not ready to accept it, then take a breather and keep in mind that you have the power over your breath.. your smile.. your heart.. your touch.. your body.. your soul.. your laughter.. You can either turn away and use your patience to get that opportunity for another shot at happiness.. Stop fighting temptations and just give in to your stupid desires.. Ann, you'll only live once and by God.. You should make the most out of this life that you were given.. You just need to be equipped with the proper armour cos there's no room for mistakes out there in the battlefield.. You'll be eaten alive and you should know that by now.. You're too smart for them.. Why are you letting them win??!! You're being ravaged alive because you're too afraid to admit that you can't ever stop yourself from falling in love.. Which by the way isn't a fault or a bad thing.. And if ever you accidentally do commit more of em mistakes.. You shouldn't be afraid to start over because the only way to perfect a lifetime is to go through it again.. and again and again.. even if it means dying inside and be reborn.. And then one day you'll wake up unknowingly putting a smile of contentment on your face.. Subconsciously saying.. Everything fits.. And until then.. be calm.. cry if you may.. but don't forget to look at the sky.. It's still blue.. A constant reminder that some things never change.. That there's still goodness out there for you.. A very true thing not even time could alter.. Like the very sky that's above us. Yes, it may change color but it is the same sky you were looking at a little while ago.. Only in it's different angle.. Ann, like the sky.. Love is constant.. It is good.. it always have been.. Trust in it.. A person may fail you.. But LoVe never will.. Don't be afraid to let them know..

God, I love the sky.. don't you.. =p

a midnight snack would be really nice.. I'm gona eat my way to sleep.. and hope that everything gets better by the morning.. I hope I get fixed soon.. Can't wait to fall out of love now..

Cos I'm so ready to fall in..

....

God.. ang heavy ng pakiramdam ko.. My heart is thumping so hard.. Had my first yosi kaninang umaga.. Three.. Don't you just hate being right all the time.. Will someone slap me in the face and tell me I'm wrong this time.. I guess I got my answer.. Even though I knew it all along.. Good luck Ann.. That's just how the world works.. When will people stop screwing me up.. The thumping is all I feel.. I want to share.. But I can't.. What use will sharing your heart's missfortune to others do to you.. Will it change anything? Will it change the fact na naisahan ka na naman.. It surely won't.. I can't believe I'm smoking right now.. Tears taken from an empty soul.. I can't hate.. There's no more strength for me to do it.. The truth surely is often ugly.. and pain humbles the stubborn heart.. Maybe it's just meant to be broken after all..
Shaking..

I'm gona make it work

Tomorrow I'll be off to work again. I don't want to go back to that same work place specifically. I just want to stay home and take good care of her.. my Riane. Although. there are no easy options really, but I'd wholeheartedly take the hard way through it than take the easy way out.

I was feeling a bit heavy hearted earlier. Imagining how our relationship with each other would be years from now. Will she look up to me? Will she be proud of me? It's really scary.. and how my heart thumps so hard just thinking about it. But I guess it's just normal to feel all these cos I'm human right? She's so cute.. She's asleep.

The day I found out about her wasn't really as magical a scenario could be.. But every day.. every second and every time.. I fall in love with her more and more. She eases my pain and the mere thought of her takes away all the aches.. Oh how I can't live without her. Literally.. There'd be no reason for me to breathe without her. And all the things I'm going to do now is all in consideration for her. How I wanted it to be just the two of us so we can live worry-free. I wanted to run away from everyone else but there's nowhere else to go. All the fears from the past will somehow, find it's way back to you.. and there's nothing else to do but face em all.. everytime. Going back to work would be like putting my hands on fire, it'll be disgustingly awful.. but somehow, it'll be fruitful for the both of us.. until I can afford to find another job.

Funny how I think about it. That work place was just a rebound state for me. I never intended to be serious within that place. All I wanted to do was get drunk, pass out and socialize. I recall my sober days.. so unbelievably insane.. It was like, I wasn't looking forward to what the next day will bring.. I can even remember my very first crush in that place. Nonetheless, all I was wanting, is to heal..

God says otherwise.. God says..
"That's not the way it goes angel, I answered your mom's prayers when you shouldn't be there as a human after all.. so fall inlove.. get your heart broken over and over again.. defy your means and feel all the human pain and emotions that you possibly can.. cos you're here not to fall inlove.. at least not today.. I'm gona give you someone.. a little one who needs your guidance.. your true purpose here on earth.. do it right and.. maybe.. I'll give you your heart's fairy tale.."
I made that all up.. but, wouldn't it be a nice explanation as to why I am this way.. a fallen angel who gets her last chance on earth.. great story.. either way Lord, what ever message it was that You were trying to tell me.. I know it's all good.. and I'll take care of her.. even without.. a vampire who got off from a taxi cab.. =')
Just making myself laugh.. but it would really be nice if there's someone out there for me too..

but really, Lord.. I'll live out my purpose here.. and thank You, that it is Riane.. I should know that she's all I need to make it to this world. I will try to answer all her questions as truthfully and as best as I possibly can. I will make sure that as she grows up, she wouldn't wish it any other way.. I will provide for her and I will protect her.. My life is for her now.. Guide me Lord.. I need You.. I love her.. She's my reason for being and I'm gona make this work for us..

Just a bit perked up

On LiFe's jOurNey..FaiTh iS nOuriShmEnT.. ViRtuOus DeEds aR a sHeLtEr.. wIsdOm iS d LiGhT bY dAy aNd rIghT mIndFuLnEs iS d pRoTecTioN bY nIghT. If mAn LivEs a PuRe LiFe..nOthIng cAn dEsTroY hIm. ~> Buddha<~

♥I believe in this. I know this. So beautiful. This is me. Got to start pulling myself back together. Very true Buddha. Will start working on it. Right away sir. Great.. Feeling so good. Excited to start over. I'm so ready. BabyLove, we'll make it.. just you and I.. we're in this together.. I love you baby.. I'll take care of us♥

mY bAbY gIrL

Capricorn child has maturity way beyond her age. She may, at times, put you to shame, when you try to do the typical baby talk with her. Right from her childhood, she will be determined and positive in whatever she does. She is not the one to throw unnecessary tantrums, but she will be able to communicate her disapproval or inconvenience with the same force. After getting her message across to you, she will wait for your answer. In case you say no, she will accept it if the thing is not that important. *wow,God really loves me*

However, if it is, she will patiently wait and wear you down till the time you give in to her demands. With time, your Capricorn baby will become more and more organized. Her shoes will be in the rack, books in the bookshelf and clothes in the cupboard. She wouldn't be much of a prankster and will be more attached to family. There will be only a few close friends with whom she will share his feelings. After coming home from school, the first thing she will do is her homework. All other things come after her duties and responsibilities. *my perfect daughter*

The games of Capricorn children are seldom childish. They usually play the part of teacher, doctor, engineer, mommy or daddy. Strangely, they look pretty convincing in these roles too. They are drawn towards art and music and will spend hours indulging in them. A Capricorn child will never waste her time in useless games; rather she will always be involved in something constructive. You will have to practically force her to go outside and play in the sunshine. She may not be a quick learner, but she will always manage to get A-grades in school. *completely my oposite,love her*

She will move slowly, but in the end, she will leave the other kids much behind her. You may feel that the other kids are bossing her around. Don't worry! She may be patient with such people, but she knows how to take care of herself. She will find one or the other way to get even. A Capricorn child will be interested in the opposite sex, but she will be too shy about it. You will have to handle her feelings very carefully in this area or they may become too closeted.

Unless pushed too far, a Capricorn child will be very pleasant, tolerant and loving. She will give elders the respect they deserve and help you in everyway she can. You will not have to shout at her, every now and then, to get her room cleaned. She will never venture too far from home and will always come back before you start searching for her. *awww..baby ko*

She will be totally practical and will not indulge in the usual childish fantasies. So what if, at times, it feels that she is the parent and you the baby, she will respect you and take care of you when you don't feel so young anymore!

Dear Lord God..I will do my very best to mold her into a decent and good person.
mAy nOt Av bIn a gUd dAugHteR.. NoT d bEsT sIstEr.. nOt sUre iF i wAs eVer enOugh tO bE caLLed a gUd fRiEnD.. pErhAps I aM nOt d iDeaL gIrLfRiEnd.. nEvEr bIn aN eMpLoyEe oF d mOnth.. i'M nOt eVen a wOrtHy oPonEnt cOs i'M nOt fOnD oF cOmpEtiTioN.. hAy.. bUt bEtchA bY goLy wOw.. i'M gOna gIv iT a sHot aT bEiN a gUd mOm..