Speaking Ann's mind

"The amount someone spends talking about themselves is inveresely proportional to how interesting they are"

-i'm not that interesting.. believe me.. i know.. i heard myself speak.. hehe-

I've tolerated a lot of listening in my life.. from other people's whining and complaining.. Their life's stories.. I have heard people do funny commentaries about anything.. how others would just blurt out wise choices of words.. and for some.. how they tend to make a fool out of themselves. But apart from all the listening.. I also love to talk. Sure there are times when I just like to pipe it down and listen. But most of the time.. especially when I'm comfortable with the person I am with.. I just couldn't help but share.

Ever felt talking non-stop for hours and hours a day? Unnoticing how time flies and all you could wish for is that the person you are talking to remembers every word you said so just to remind you of what you were talking about? My brain activity becomes so busy I just could not contain and process them anymore.. I feel like I need to share everything cos I find them really valuable and thought maybe, it may be useful to the receiving end.. hehe.. Sometimes though, there are a lot of disadvantages when it comes to talking.. specially when it becomes unstoppable.. and as how, I and I'm sure, a lot would claim.. it is referred to as only Speaking the mind. I speak my mind a lot.. I can't help it really. It's all about hoping you'll be understood, cos you know for a fact, that you actually don't understand yourself really. And hope people gets it and have them give you that comforting feeling, that, intense agreeing nod.. has to offer.. Haay..

A secret, thought I'd share too.. I'm not the best public speaker in the world. In fact, I'm terrified of speaking in front of a large crowd. Eeew.. Yhuks.. Shoot me instead.. No, not today though.. Don't hurt me just yet.. until maybe five or six months from now perhaps.. =)

Anyway, I mean, I know, that I can answer almost every question that you could possibly throw at me.. I'm not saying they're all-so-right.. It's just that, I share a lot of my own point of views about life.. to almost everyone, as amiable as me.. I just couldn't do it in front of a large number of peepers. Can't stand the thought of being watched and have people hear what I have to say AT THE SAME TIME?! haaahhh.. Ruuuunnnn!!! hu-hu.. Himatay-himatayan.. A group of wide-eyed children though.. May be acceptable.. That's why I wanted to be a pre-school teacher.. hehe.. It would be easier for them to understand me.. the little ones? Honestly.. I feel that way.

Best thing about voicing out one's opinion though, is that you tend to hear yourself and the words that you utter. You find out later on, that what you just said is either really really smart and originally good.. or.. insanely stupid and really really out of line. Either way, it's not at all that bad too.. cos one tends to realize a lot afterwards.. and then, can either do something about it, or just hope it wouldn't be recognized or noticed by the people whom you were blurting them out to previously also hoping they are really stupider than you (what kind of word is stupider?) see what I'm talking about?

Talking, for me, it's like learning at the same time. I learn from the things I say and understand myself on the process too.. Picking out things, I ought to change with myself, having those kind of perceptions in life. Thinking about it, just now.. The way you think is the meter for one's maturity.. It is, isn't it? I call it the machurimeter (baduy.. nu ba yan.. haha! Yhuks! Patawa! Kadeers..)

Another point I'd like to get out is that, we are all entitled to our own opinions. I don't like people condemning me based on things I say, cos if things I say does not concur to whatever it is they are having with their own twisted minds, it wouldn't matter anyway.. Cos I know that I will realize my own flaws (if there are any) in my own sense of time.. and with my own willingness to surrender.. I will.. but until then.. Back off!! and shut your system issues down! hehe.. Peace!

Like recently, my immaturity got the best of me. It's not like me.. That's one woo-hoo part of me that often pops out when a not so convincing party is involved. Gotta push me to your mightiest.. I'm one tough baby to please.. and phoneys don't have anything else on me but to just.. give up.. Losers! Don't you just hate quitters? Bleh!!

Sorry.. maybe it's just me.. hmm.. To my excuse though, it was kind of.. a big part of my proclaimed TRAUMA from a previous relationship I endured from a person with views, not so compatible with mine. I tend to say a lot of things that I don't really mean.. Well, maybe I meant to say them.. But I did not intend to mean them. They just sort of.. came out? cos I was thinking them at that moment.. Sorry po.. And you see.. I know which ones I meant to say.. often.. it doesn't come out right.. (kainaman naman) .. and for other things.. even though I haven't said them yet.. you know.. just thinking about them.. I sometimes don't intend to think about them.. They just pop up my mind.. hehe.. Things that I meant though.. it comes from right here.. (see me emoting.. thumping my chest.. y' know? where the heart is??).. and sometimes.. even the ones from the heart.. confuses me.. So, nobody could really tell.. they just judge.. that's it.. (gulo ba? i know you know what I mean)

I always seem to forget too, being forgetful and all, one needs not utter a word or make sudden decisions when one is mad. I always forget that.. hmph! Especially for someone like me who knows a lot about pain. I should know better than to release unfriendly and hurtful statements to others.. statement such as.. basta..

I'm sorry po.. to all the people whom I have hurt from speaking my mind.. or even from having this kind of thinking..

That's why I label myself as both a pessimist and an idealist..

And for those who continuously offend others with their non-stop, nerve-wreckin, gut-busting mind-boggling, foul-spoken, self-esteem crushing words.. Huist.. Parang.. Enough na.. Cos parang.. Anu ba.. Tama na muna.. Sorry na po yung next line diba??.. (hehe..).

Anyway..

Kaya nga most often than not, I tend to make sure that my actions could somehow differ from my way of speaking. Kasi not everything one says would always match up to one's actions.. In short.. Talagang.. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.. Maybe that's why I tend to disregard most of what I'm voicing out.. Kasi.. I'm more of an action figure eh.. (ah-huh?? anu dao?!) Not that I don't care.. I do care.. a lot too.. And.. Kase.. Basta.. Sorry na nga eh.. Eh ako nga eh.. a lot hurt me with their unnecessary commentaries and their very disrespectful actiens eh.. all I could tell them is.. Bless you! Ako naman eh ke saktan mo physically or verbally.. La ko magawa about that.. Ang ganda ko kaya.. pumangit man ako.. I was at least at one point pretty and loved by many.. (i can even say.. a-lot-a times) and with what I'm expecting months from now.. I should be all set. Need I have anything more? Mag-sawa sila kaka pikon sakin with their foul ways.. Ang ganda ko kase.. Bwahaha! Uiiy.. napipikon.. Kei lang yan.. Kaya mu yan..

Hoist batang isip.. Chupi! Alis ka muna!

Ehem! Back to maturity..

With all the things I have said.. hoping I'd learn from them.. I still don't understand everything. But why should I be worried.. Who does anyway? People with no further things to say and has no further explanation to give out.. just inhales.. and exhales.. and utters..

"That's life.." =)

Guess what..

I'm living it anyway.

Flash Fact (and a couple of disclaimers)

"I felt good when I ate shrimp this morning. It relieved my stress. It made me happy. What seems to be so little to others could be a great deal for you even when you least expect them. I hope there are more shrimp out there for me to eat. I really want to be happy.." -a phrase I took out from my unpublished post I've been drafting in my blog.

All the single ladies!! Put yer hands up!
Spot me on the edge waving two.. haha..

A friend and I were textin some time ago and we were both talking about how we are over the top so single.. and sharing all the advantages and a lot more stuff that single people do and say to make themselves feel better about their singleness, when they know for a fact it isn't that much cool.. and they dream of their ideal person all night long, hugging the pillow wishing dumating na daw.. may pa sana-sana pa.. may pa tear-tear pa ang mga mata.. nag pe-pray pa hanggang makatulog na sila.. haha!! yuhks!!

Haha! Sakit ng tyan ko kakatawa mag isa.. haay.. Sarap kausap sarili ko noh? I enjoy myself really.. Hehe.. Pero.. Sorry naman.. hindi naman po ako ganon.. Nai-imagine ko lang.. I have other means naman eh.. of making myself happy.. hmm..

I'm thankful though, that even if I don't have someone to call my own.. I have my friends. I can have one in an instant, cos I make it a point that my intentions are sincere and real. My siblings are great.. We've been getting a lot of bonding.. Even at the dinner table, we talk about everything we can think of.

Plus there are fellas who wish they could own me.. Ayoko pa talaga eh.. Eto sila.. Check em out.. (you know it's the other way around.. hehe..)

Here are the guys that I often fantasize about..

Grabeh! Ang hirap naman neto.. Sobrah.. Grabe naman talaga.. Hooh!! Break me off a piece from each.. Raaarrr!! Do I have great taste or what?!!

Check out the eyes..!! Mapapa.. ummph! ka talaga! Sh*t!

Oh.. great..

What's happening to me. Have I quit? Have I already enjoyed my singlehood? Am I done? What a quick one. Am I looking for the one? No f-ing way! Yuhks.. Bleh!

Admitted: Confused and quite hungry for guys as such.. Grabeh nman talaga.. whew.. Isa pa.. Aaaahh!!

Compiled a couple of pro's and con's just to help me out.. It's all good.. Be the judge

Single (yey!)

• I can do whatever I like!I can go out and tease as much as my heart desires, without the strange package called complications brought about by such emotional endeavour.
• Not having to deal with and keep trying to figure out what's in his/her mind.
• I don't have to text or call anyone about my whereabouts worried he/she may get mad at me.
• If I would get bitter, sad and seemingly helpless about what the world seems to be doing at me.. I no longer have to worry about wheather the he/she would stop and notice and hope I would be comforted without imposing.
• Would be able to get free drinks at bars.. without spending a cent.. you know how it goes.. just like old times.
• I can have MALE friends without having to be defensive.. ending up convincing him/her there is really nothing else going on.
• No more harsh languages and foul words that one tends to tolerate everyday.
• I can buy gifts for my family and friends and meeh.. most especially.
• No one to put me on a tiny pedestal knowing that I could fall off of at any second
• No more complains about being taken for granted.
• No worying.. Troubled.. Bothered by the fact that he/she is still not home! Or what the heck is happening to him/her.. is he/she in trouble?? Is he/she safe?? haaahh!! None of those!
• No more sadness or crying when the person needs to go home.. boo-hoo.. muwi ka kung gusto mo!!
• I'm free at parties or bars to talk to anyone.. whom I please to and choose to.. not having to to turn away and pretend that I don't appreciate good looks.
• No more headaches from thinking about what gift to buy for a surprise.. when I, don't even like surprises.
• No more checking to see if it's okay' to accept or decline an invitation. You can say "sige, tara!" on the spot.
• I can be happy with who I am and not who he/she wants me to be.
• No more lies and cheating and promises meant to be broken.
• You can eat garlic or onions without a second thought about some lip locking and a lot of tounge action.
• Computer games and the remote control is mine.. ALL MINE!
• If I clean up my room, it will stay that way until I mess it up again.
• Not to worry if he/she will or won't call or text.
• No more arguments, headaches and fighting about things none could explain.
• No more reassuring "Am I the only one?"
• No more jealousy and insecurities!

Inlove and Taken (eew.. sige na nga)

• Ah.. the loneliness. No more loneliness during rainy days, out of towns and valentines day.
• No more being out of place when all your not-so single friends take a couples night out.
• The ecstatic feeling of welcoming and farewell hugs and kisses.. haay.. (fweh!)
• Have someone claimed to be loved.. hold yer hands and touch yer face.. wohoo!! (eew..)
• Having someone to agree with me all the time.. nice diba..
• Think about the warmth of the physical presence brought about by someone who cares deeply for you and at the same time you care deeply about too.. hmm
• The thrill of coming home and running over the phone staring at it while asking everyone if it already rang or did he/she already called.
• You'll be able to brag over single friends that you've finally found The One and that you are so much loved.. having them irritated with how you consistently share how happy and in love you are with each other.. haha!
• No more sinking feeling when you're lost and you don't know where you are. You can be lost anywhere with that person.
• When unwelcome guests comes in to the picture..(crawling things) One could always have him/her remove them or shu them away from you..
• I could always pick a good shoulder bag that would match his/her outfit.. hehe.. Since they always want to carry things for you..
• Someone to show off cooking skills learned from the heart that wishes to win the other through his/her stomach.
• Good arguments and informative debates and yet..the love and respect never fades.
• One would always have someone who'd take care of you when sick or nag baby-babyhan..
• It's always nice having people praise how you look at each other and how everyone sees the chemistry between the the two of you too..
• Having someone kiss your feet.. arms.. kili-kili and places no other is allowed to go to..
• Appear! Having someone with the same outlook in life as yours.. having him/her say the same thing.
• Quality time and a lot of good talks.. Unlimited flirting and teasing..
• Have someone fight for you when some other disrespects you..
• Not minding the scars endured from a past not too healthy to even think about, because you have someone who clearly sees you as perfection..
• The anticipation of doing it.. where ever you wish to..

There are a lot people I have spoken with regarding the best things being single could bring about to their lives.. They told me they would want to stay that way forever.. What a load of hypocritical cr*p. I know some people actually enjoy being single.. At the moment.. But would it be like that forever? I don't know, really. Sure.. Eventually, you will have this chilling coldness within your whole spirit and your spine and you would just wish..you have someone who loves you to the core. It's okay to enjoy being single when you're young, but when a single person reaches a certain age. They get scared and terrified about the fact that they will grow old alone. The tendency is for them to make a diversion or a distraction that would make them believe that being single is actually better than being in a relationship.

Fact: Everybody needs somebody. It's not about who.. It's all a matter of when.. When the heart may be ready, anyone who is around you could be the one.. The other just needs to find the perfect place.. and the perfect time.. And let the chips fall where they may..

I'm a bit troubled

My cat just gave birth to three more kitties. Ang tataba..hehe.. But she's sick. She wont let her babies get their milk. She's not feeling well. Get well soon Pus-Pus..

And.. Someone from work.. Bein really showy.. Bout feelings.. Getin a little bit awkward and uncomfortable.. Can't give anything but friendship, really.. Nice person though.. Galante din.. hehe.. Not interested pa naman kasi.. Kahit kanino..

Plus.. I got a stalker.. Been calling me sa celphone.. gona post the numbers here pag tumawag ulit.. two nights in a row sha tumawag.. Land line na meron pang text.. Hmm.. Weird.. Di nagsasalita.. Nag text din.. Pwede naman mag pakilala, pero hindi eh.. Basta..

Plus.. Plus.. I don't wanna miss a thing.. You know..

Aaahhhshit!

Mamamatay na ba ko? Bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.. Hmm.. When kaya.. Wawa naman yung soulmate ko pag nawala na ko now.. Di man lang kami mag kikita..

Hmm.. I need to go out.. See you guys around..