Speaking Ann's mind

"The amount someone spends talking about themselves is inveresely proportional to how interesting they are"

-i'm not that interesting.. believe me.. i know.. i heard myself speak.. hehe-

I've tolerated a lot of listening in my life.. from other people's whining and complaining.. Their life's stories.. I have heard people do funny commentaries about anything.. how others would just blurt out wise choices of words.. and for some.. how they tend to make a fool out of themselves. But apart from all the listening.. I also love to talk. Sure there are times when I just like to pipe it down and listen. But most of the time.. especially when I'm comfortable with the person I am with.. I just couldn't help but share.

Ever felt talking non-stop for hours and hours a day? Unnoticing how time flies and all you could wish for is that the person you are talking to remembers every word you said so just to remind you of what you were talking about? My brain activity becomes so busy I just could not contain and process them anymore.. I feel like I need to share everything cos I find them really valuable and thought maybe, it may be useful to the receiving end.. hehe.. Sometimes though, there are a lot of disadvantages when it comes to talking.. specially when it becomes unstoppable.. and as how, I and I'm sure, a lot would claim.. it is referred to as only Speaking the mind. I speak my mind a lot.. I can't help it really. It's all about hoping you'll be understood, cos you know for a fact, that you actually don't understand yourself really. And hope people gets it and have them give you that comforting feeling, that, intense agreeing nod.. has to offer.. Haay..

A secret, thought I'd share too.. I'm not the best public speaker in the world. In fact, I'm terrified of speaking in front of a large crowd. Eeew.. Yhuks.. Shoot me instead.. No, not today though.. Don't hurt me just yet.. until maybe five or six months from now perhaps.. =)

Anyway, I mean, I know, that I can answer almost every question that you could possibly throw at me.. I'm not saying they're all-so-right.. It's just that, I share a lot of my own point of views about life.. to almost everyone, as amiable as me.. I just couldn't do it in front of a large number of peepers. Can't stand the thought of being watched and have people hear what I have to say AT THE SAME TIME?! haaahhh.. Ruuuunnnn!!! hu-hu.. Himatay-himatayan.. A group of wide-eyed children though.. May be acceptable.. That's why I wanted to be a pre-school teacher.. hehe.. It would be easier for them to understand me.. the little ones? Honestly.. I feel that way.

Best thing about voicing out one's opinion though, is that you tend to hear yourself and the words that you utter. You find out later on, that what you just said is either really really smart and originally good.. or.. insanely stupid and really really out of line. Either way, it's not at all that bad too.. cos one tends to realize a lot afterwards.. and then, can either do something about it, or just hope it wouldn't be recognized or noticed by the people whom you were blurting them out to previously also hoping they are really stupider than you (what kind of word is stupider?) see what I'm talking about?

Talking, for me, it's like learning at the same time. I learn from the things I say and understand myself on the process too.. Picking out things, I ought to change with myself, having those kind of perceptions in life. Thinking about it, just now.. The way you think is the meter for one's maturity.. It is, isn't it? I call it the machurimeter (baduy.. nu ba yan.. haha! Yhuks! Patawa! Kadeers..)

Another point I'd like to get out is that, we are all entitled to our own opinions. I don't like people condemning me based on things I say, cos if things I say does not concur to whatever it is they are having with their own twisted minds, it wouldn't matter anyway.. Cos I know that I will realize my own flaws (if there are any) in my own sense of time.. and with my own willingness to surrender.. I will.. but until then.. Back off!! and shut your system issues down! hehe.. Peace!

Like recently, my immaturity got the best of me. It's not like me.. That's one woo-hoo part of me that often pops out when a not so convincing party is involved. Gotta push me to your mightiest.. I'm one tough baby to please.. and phoneys don't have anything else on me but to just.. give up.. Losers! Don't you just hate quitters? Bleh!!

Sorry.. maybe it's just me.. hmm.. To my excuse though, it was kind of.. a big part of my proclaimed TRAUMA from a previous relationship I endured from a person with views, not so compatible with mine. I tend to say a lot of things that I don't really mean.. Well, maybe I meant to say them.. But I did not intend to mean them. They just sort of.. came out? cos I was thinking them at that moment.. Sorry po.. And you see.. I know which ones I meant to say.. often.. it doesn't come out right.. (kainaman naman) .. and for other things.. even though I haven't said them yet.. you know.. just thinking about them.. I sometimes don't intend to think about them.. They just pop up my mind.. hehe.. Things that I meant though.. it comes from right here.. (see me emoting.. thumping my chest.. y' know? where the heart is??).. and sometimes.. even the ones from the heart.. confuses me.. So, nobody could really tell.. they just judge.. that's it.. (gulo ba? i know you know what I mean)

I always seem to forget too, being forgetful and all, one needs not utter a word or make sudden decisions when one is mad. I always forget that.. hmph! Especially for someone like me who knows a lot about pain. I should know better than to release unfriendly and hurtful statements to others.. statement such as.. basta..

I'm sorry po.. to all the people whom I have hurt from speaking my mind.. or even from having this kind of thinking..

That's why I label myself as both a pessimist and an idealist..

And for those who continuously offend others with their non-stop, nerve-wreckin, gut-busting mind-boggling, foul-spoken, self-esteem crushing words.. Huist.. Parang.. Enough na.. Cos parang.. Anu ba.. Tama na muna.. Sorry na po yung next line diba??.. (hehe..).

Anyway..

Kaya nga most often than not, I tend to make sure that my actions could somehow differ from my way of speaking. Kasi not everything one says would always match up to one's actions.. In short.. Talagang.. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.. Maybe that's why I tend to disregard most of what I'm voicing out.. Kasi.. I'm more of an action figure eh.. (ah-huh?? anu dao?!) Not that I don't care.. I do care.. a lot too.. And.. Kase.. Basta.. Sorry na nga eh.. Eh ako nga eh.. a lot hurt me with their unnecessary commentaries and their very disrespectful actiens eh.. all I could tell them is.. Bless you! Ako naman eh ke saktan mo physically or verbally.. La ko magawa about that.. Ang ganda ko kaya.. pumangit man ako.. I was at least at one point pretty and loved by many.. (i can even say.. a-lot-a times) and with what I'm expecting months from now.. I should be all set. Need I have anything more? Mag-sawa sila kaka pikon sakin with their foul ways.. Ang ganda ko kase.. Bwahaha! Uiiy.. napipikon.. Kei lang yan.. Kaya mu yan..

Hoist batang isip.. Chupi! Alis ka muna!

Ehem! Back to maturity..

With all the things I have said.. hoping I'd learn from them.. I still don't understand everything. But why should I be worried.. Who does anyway? People with no further things to say and has no further explanation to give out.. just inhales.. and exhales.. and utters..

"That's life.." =)

Guess what..

I'm living it anyway.

The one that I wrote in my notebook

***I own a lot of notepads at home. Every single one is filled up with entries that is of no importance to many. But that is me. I love to write. I am a freak who like to remember everything I have thought about. Yuks! Is it even normal? I believe so..

Being a freak is really complicated. Okay if I am a freak..so is everyone else! Hmph..I would like to think of myself as a unique individual with a better perception in life than most people. A person who has established a perfect world in her mind..clearly justifying my freakiness.. I just think that I really have great thoughts..and I find it very difficult to match my great mind to my actions and the way I speak. I always come up with great plans, jokes, kindness, beautiful things.. Only, things don’t come out right or how I would have imagined it to be. I have a really weak mind and whatever coordination..(mind&body..mind&feet).. My mind often does all the assignment but seems to forget to have it submitted to the teacher. Maybe this was from the concussion I endured when I was six..no I think I was seven..Oh, God..How do I resolve this then? My memory is really killing me. That is why I want to write things down and hope some time in the future, I may understand myself...and others may see that I'm really sweet and kind and hot..haha! And by hot, I meant funny, seriously...nothing is wrong with me.. I just care too much and I pay a lot of attention to others' stupid innuendos. I care too much about how others would feel. I believe people so easily, which makes it hard for me to distinguish the sincere ones from the not. I often get caught in a trap where people gets to ravage me and do pretty much all the mean things they wish to do, while I cry helplessly (and look so sexy whenever I do, by the way)

This has got to stop..I have to be rough! Mean! I want to be a bad-ass! A browbeat! The Bully! The devil who wears Prada..in my case..Landmark Shoes..This is a dog eat dog world! The survival of the fittest and I have to..

Wait..Who am I kidding..I can't be that pathetic. Its nicer to be at a place where everybody is at a raucous while I stay serene, pretty, happy and really GAY..

Doesn't matter how I am. I'm a resilient baby girl. I pity those who underestimate me. They are quite missing out a lot. I have so much to give, and I know that if they knew the whole lot of me..they'd be begging for more.

So, enough of the riddles and enigmas, I don't really know what I am talking about. As I told you before..I just write whatever comes out of my mind..I don't know what I just said..or maybe I do..

It doesn't matter..

I ROCK!!

(grin)

Fire away!

***Hi dear ones...here's my first, and certainly not the last, entry. You'l have to excuse my spelling by the way... Hmm.. I love to write about anything and everything. I have a very busy mind inside of me but often, when I try to speak.. not everything comes out right..hehe.. Currently, I am here at the front desk.. no.. I am behind the front desk and the laptop is in front of me. I am typing and I don't think many is interested enough to read about my blog..except maybe..Me.. and I won't be reading them because they are long and I have no time and by the time that I do have time..I'd be too busy writing about something else...or maybe drinking with my friends and getting really drunk and wasted by the weekend.

Anyway, let me tell you about my daily whereabouts. I am a receptionist..somewhere. The salary is reasonable and okay. I have my own computer and it is internet ready. I have a phone on my left. No incoming calls for me..only those from my bosses who needs me for somethings. The door and I have established a very great relationship for almost two weeks now. I would like to call my door Blue.. not because it is all blue but its the only color I can spot from it. Blue is very clean and clear. It obeys my every whim..with just a push of the button..it does what it do best.. "open" it closes on its own..smart Blue eh? I have my very own stalker here as well.. "Little Eye".. It watches my every move..eww..doesn't say much really..just there..24/7..very still.. carefully watching my every motion.. what can I ask for.. I've a fake tree on my right..but don't call it that..it's like Pinocchio.. thinks it's a real tree..

Oh, Lord..readers might think I'm a little woo-hoo! I am perfectly healthy and sane individual.. I just have a lot of free time.. and it's really not that big a deal to write things down hoping one day someone may read this..hehe.. It's just like talking alone.. (huh?) the only difference is the memory is preserved and everything is entirely different than talking alone.. but when you think about it.. it's quite the same right? so, I therefore conclude that not everyone who talks to themselves is crazy. I hope so.. or else.. nyayks! Gotta rest for a while.. I need to go to the potty room..whew.. I have a lot of cool things to say really.. so..read on.. mwah!!