Ayos ba?

Nag GM yung schoolmate ko. She asked..

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

I answered..

Well then..I guess, you'd have to be a political figure..or a really rich person who made a difference to the world. A person who is hindering the kniving plans of an evil mastermind.

Feel beautiful within

***Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a movie freak, I care about animals, I love to eat seafood (except fish), I am an idealist, can be pretty honest, really amiable and in my mid twenties. Most of the time, I don't really care about my image. I often let my hair fall anywhere it does. I put on clothes that I am just comfortable wearing. I don't carry a lot of stuff when I go out, just as long as the clothes I am wearing has pockets for money and my phone. I don't wear a lot of make up. Just a lip color and some powder, maybe a little mascara..and I'm all set (except when I take pictures..I tend to go a little crazy). I value good manners and proper etiquette. I have cool friends. God loves me and my family is perfect. I don't like fights and arguments. I can be pretty messy if my family is involved or the people that I care about. I'm one tough cookie.

These are a bit about me. Can't really complain huh? But lately I've been up and down with how I feel about my personality. I have been trying to convince myself that I am a good person, but I haven't really caught some proof of that. Sure I pray a lot but that doesn't make me a saint. Not that I want to be a saint or something. I just want to be acknowledged in my own goodness per se.

Let me give you a clip from my all-time favorite movie:

Edward: "You could be so much more."
Vivian: "People put you down enough, you start to believe it."
Edward: "I think you are a very bright, very special woman."
Vivian Ward: "The bad stuff is easier to believe..you ever notice that?"
Roan: "DON'T BELIEVE THEM VIVIAN!"

A lot of people may talk negatively about me. I don't really care. But whenever I think of how I am continuously making amendments within myself to be a good person for others, some are doing exactly the opposite (which is persistently trying to make me look bad), makes me want to throw up and say.. "Why bother?"

Maybe a lot is angry at me because I have hurt them. Maybe I am a bad person. But you know what? I don't want to be bad! I try my hardest to please people. I can even be a pushover! I have not hurt people intentionally. Well, I may have had. You know how people literally "ask for it"? I don't know. They probably did that to themselves, unconsciously. I know that people often insult out of improper anger or jealousy, and people who continuously perfect these insults, grow old and fugly.

And another thing, it's not like I go around places intentionally hurting other people, you know. Its not like I have my victims or something. I know I'm not all bad. I know I have a great character in me and I’m trying to find my beauty from within, rather than from everyone else's point of view. I figured, no matter how many times somebody tells me I’m beautiful and this and that, none of it will really matter until I believe so myself. I have to feel beautiful on the inside so that things can really make a lot of difference in my life and my self-confidence.

Granted, there are mean and kniving people around me, but here is what I have learned so far off the top of my head:

1. The best revenge is for others to see how they have failed making you feel less about yourself and letting them find out how successful you have become in spite of their constant bugging you.
2. Don't be superficial. I should not be caught up in society's perception of what beautiful is.
3. Never be envious of others, in fact, let them be envious of me. Rid all of the possible insecurities. Try to avoid comparing one's self with others.
4. Understand that everybody makes mistakes..including smart, pretty sexy little me (he-he, no mistake about the latter).
5. Be humble Miss! Humility takes a lot of courage and wisdom. It can help one be more content with one's life, can also help endure bad times and improve relationships with others.
6. Laugh more! Even at myself. Read funny jokes, quotes and stories too. Cheer others too.
7. Learn to sincerely accept others for who they are so they may sincerely accept you too
8. Be proud of your goodness. Don't change the beautiful person that you are just because people think you suck. However, if you must change, change for the better
9. Make a list and try to develop and enhance special talents.
10. Object once in a while. People often abuse others' silence. Fight for the ones you love once in a while. If it helps, defer with their mediocrity but in a courteous manner.
11. Have a strong point. Don't just yap and yap, stand up for what you beilieve in. They'd be too embarrassed to even argue. They'd either be more furious or will just love you.
12. Be smarter. Don't think you know it all! Be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Besides, learning is fun.
13. Protect yourself. Give the benefit of the doubt. Be a great judge of character. Don't over do it though.
14. Be honest to yourself. Don't live in a fantasy where everything is is either good or bad. Balance everything. Be positive though.

That's about it for now. I'm gonna have to appreciate every single detail in my face, body and soul. Look in the mirror, look at others. I don't look like them, they don't look like me. I'm unique. No one else looks like me, the one and only amazing Roan!

I love who I am! And if people can't deal with this, then that makes me even more proud of my self.

The one that I wrote in my notebook

***I own a lot of notepads at home. Every single one is filled up with entries that is of no importance to many. But that is me. I love to write. I am a freak who like to remember everything I have thought about. Yuks! Is it even normal? I believe so..

Being a freak is really complicated. Okay if I am a freak..so is everyone else! Hmph..I would like to think of myself as a unique individual with a better perception in life than most people. A person who has established a perfect world in her mind..clearly justifying my freakiness.. I just think that I really have great thoughts..and I find it very difficult to match my great mind to my actions and the way I speak. I always come up with great plans, jokes, kindness, beautiful things.. Only, things don’t come out right or how I would have imagined it to be. I have a really weak mind and whatever coordination..(mind&body..mind&feet).. My mind often does all the assignment but seems to forget to have it submitted to the teacher. Maybe this was from the concussion I endured when I was six..no I think I was seven..Oh, God..How do I resolve this then? My memory is really killing me. That is why I want to write things down and hope some time in the future, I may understand myself...and others may see that I'm really sweet and kind and hot..haha! And by hot, I meant funny, seriously...nothing is wrong with me.. I just care too much and I pay a lot of attention to others' stupid innuendos. I care too much about how others would feel. I believe people so easily, which makes it hard for me to distinguish the sincere ones from the not. I often get caught in a trap where people gets to ravage me and do pretty much all the mean things they wish to do, while I cry helplessly (and look so sexy whenever I do, by the way)

This has got to stop..I have to be rough! Mean! I want to be a bad-ass! A browbeat! The Bully! The devil who wears Prada..in my case..Landmark Shoes..This is a dog eat dog world! The survival of the fittest and I have to..

Wait..Who am I kidding..I can't be that pathetic. Its nicer to be at a place where everybody is at a raucous while I stay serene, pretty, happy and really GAY..

Doesn't matter how I am. I'm a resilient baby girl. I pity those who underestimate me. They are quite missing out a lot. I have so much to give, and I know that if they knew the whole lot of me..they'd be begging for more.

So, enough of the riddles and enigmas, I don't really know what I am talking about. As I told you before..I just write whatever comes out of my mind..I don't know what I just said..or maybe I do..

It doesn't matter..

I ROCK!!

(grin)

Question & Answer Part I

1. Have you ever said, you'll never love again?
** i won't justify this question with an answer

2. Anything bothering you right now?
**a lot of foulness and negativity

3. Is there something you wanna let go of?
** my procrastination and tardiness..i want to take my time...

4. Do the old songs you had in your past really remind you of the memories?
** i choose not to

5. How important is trust??
** it's a fundamental in all relationships

6. How do you forget someone?
** BEER!! and a lot of sleep

7. Is crying a sign of weakness?
** obvious ba? Justifying lang ung mga nagssabing oo..the brave ones are those who admit that they'r weak.. =)

8. Do you always regret?
** i choose not to din..yung mga di ko mkalimutan even if i want to, I can always forget they ever happened..talented ako eh..haha...kawawa nman ung mga kinalimutan ko na..i really can't remember them

9. Do you find your ex's new gf/bfgood looking?
** hehe..kaw na bahala dun

10. One crazy thing you did lately
**danced in front of the surveillance in the elevator

11. Greatest HERO/HEROINE?
**my Tatay (father), he's also a worthy oponent/villain hehe

12. What will you do if you're stuck inthe elevator with someone you don'tlike?
** dedma bsta may hawak ng kahit anung matalim sa kamay..(kiddin)

13. Have you ever wanted someone but you can’t have him/her?
** u can always get wut u want if tlgang driven ka, d rest is up to God's good will

14. Have you ever said 'I love you' butyou lied?
** haha!! no comment.. =p

15. Would you ever want to go back inthe past?
**sometimes, like..i would'v paid mor atention 2my studies..so i could'v goofed around earlier..haaiy..

16. Do you really wanna please everybody?
** i do things coz i want to do them and pleasing others...it's quite innate in my system..i'm very likeable..kahit yung mga galit sakin..i know they like me..yey!!

17. Is waiting ever okay?
** u wait 4somthin u rily rily want

18. Right now, where do you wanna be?
** having a soiree on a yacht headed to the caribbean w/my family..my kwikz and some good friends

19. When is enough, enough?
** pag u rily hav nothin mor to give as in..toink..la na eh..numb na..or wen snabi mo na "PAPATAYIN NA KITA!" o diba? kaya enuf na..hehe

20. What are you so sick and tired of?
** fair-weather friends!! ska mga abusadong tao..b*lsh*t tlaga sila oh..IF YOU CAN'T BE MY FRIEND, THEN GET THE H*LL OUT OF MY LIFE LOWLIFE USERS!

21. What/Who made you smile today?
** Phoebee Buffet and Chandler Bing haha!

22. Is looking good important?
** good hygene lang minsan okay na

23. Do you listen to love songs whenyou’re down?
** sometimes, pro ms msrap ma2log

24. What are you thankful for?
** God's unending love..and the chance He gives me everyday to find and live out my purpose

25. Do you believe in forever?
** 4ever= love + magic + spark + communication + understanding + patience + kilig + trust + respect + a lot of Lobster..hmm..i hope so..

26. What are your plans for the weekend?
**be better, a lot of rest, QT w/my Quickie, eat at the seaside market

27. Will you say sorry first?
**yeah, sure...my parents taught me well..but "only" to people who is worthy of it

28. Do you believe that married couples should still go out on a date?
** bsta w/each other lang

29. Has someone promised you something and broke it?
** hu hasn't?? we can be jerks sometimes

30. Supposing you are being destroyed...Do you think revenge is okay?
**only in thought, but DON'T DO THEM..i'm smart, pretty, sexy and very sincere...people who loves me, knows that...even THEY know that...haha...why would I throw that away over pathetic low-lives?