I'm sorry Lord

Dear Lord God,

I love you.

There are countless ways that you have revealed your love for me. I know you will never stop blessing me until the end of my physical life. I know that you are and will keep blessing my family , loved ones, my friends and the little one..

Forgive me Lord for the negativity that I have been giving out. I'm sorry for feeling a lot of anger and hatred. I'm sorry for writing them down. I know I can not justify these things to You. I just want to let it all out before it bulge up into something bigger and with it, I may do something I might regret later on. I'm sorry dear Lord. On the other hand, I'm proud of myself because I've been able to replace these feelings of hatred, with love and happiness..effortlessly. I know that I am not about to stoop down to their pitiful levels. I hope that those people who are intentionally trying to hurt us, realize their flaws without having to read my blogs. May they feel sorry for themselves and start living virtuously. They are very bitter and jealous. I don't want to be around anywhere near them. I hope positive and nice people would not have to be with people like them. I pray Lord, that these ill-mannered people may learn the value of respect and decency.

You have created the perfect world for us to live in. This planet does not deserve all of our negativity and foulness. Forgive us Lord. We're sorry.

i love You, Lord

My life may not be as majestic as the life of other people.. I may not be as great as some people I admire.. I may not be close to being a perfect child.. but I surely want to offer my life to You. If only I have lived it according to how I see it now.. wow.. you will be so proud of me.. I want to be good enough for You and for my family and friends and for people who.. uhmm.. people who thinks I'm worth being with.. (meron ba? hehe) I'm sorry for offending You so many times. I'm sorry for letting You down and for hurting You by making a fool of myself. I pray that you may help me redeem myself for You and for them. I hope that isn't too much to ask for a sinner like me.. Pasaway kasi ko Lord.. and I'm really sorry..

By the way Lord.. Thank you for the blessings You have given me and my family. I may not be able to see most of them.. but I surely know deep in my heart that You truly care.. and that everything You do and will.. You do them because You love me.. us.. Thank you for taking good care of the people I love and hold close to my heart.. Thank you for letting me live where people love and truly care for me.. I know I don't want to ask for fame and fortune.. I'm not as sure as before where I am going (cos I thought I already had everything) all that I am sure of is that Your plans are grand and that You will be there for me when I get there (wherever that may be).. Thank you for Your LOVE God.. with that.. I could not ask for anything more.. (every GOOD thing comes along with it)

I miss You Lord.. I'm going to church later.. Can't wait to talk to you.. I love you ever so dearly..

Cont.

Just got back from church.. I cried sa song ni Carol Banawa - Stay. I have always liked that song. I didn't know it would hit me right in the heart pala.

UNDAS is all about commemorating losses right? November 1st.. is an "okay" time to mourn and cry. Plus try spell out the word Undas backwards.. You will find that it has always been..

Sad Nu?? haha..

I was tear-jerking talaga sa church.. You know HOW I recently lost someone.. Feeling ko namatayan ako when I lost that person. Even though you don't want to miss them. You, eventually will.. It's really painful talaga thinking about how you'll never see someone ever again.. and if ever man that you might, someday.. You could no look at that person the same way, and if ever ulet that you do see them as you saw them before.. You'd try to avoid that feeling of electric shock sa head, arms and belly kasi you wouldn't want to fall again.. right diba? For some naman, it would be like looking at a ghost na lang. Good thing about me is I really don't believe in "multo" naman kase. It really is all in the head talaga. Haay..

Wait lang.. Good news.. Ang ganda ng hair ko.. Straight na straight.Shoot!! Ang ganda ko na!! Wohooh! Kaso kinakatakot ko lang is, di ako tinatablan ng mga treatments eh. So baka bumalik din sha sa magandang wavy hair ko after some weeks. Either way.. God loves me pa rin. Sige po.

Hola!

I'm badly bruised Lord.. be with me tonight Dear God..

what can I do.. dami ko pictures na nakita.. been lying to me all this time.. before sha mahuli.. iniwan na nya ko.. para wala ng sumbat.. ang galing nya no.. dahil saan? dahil sa mga bagong nakilala.. pinag palit nya ko sa mga bagong kaybigan na hindi naman sha titignan like I see her always.. ung taong mahal na mahal ko.. ni hindi ko naman inaway mga yon diba.. i was begging before na itrato nya ko like her friends.. pero wala po eh.. selfish po Lord.. I know I may have done some stupid things before.. but I know how to say sorry.. and the whole world knows kung sino talaga ang nag iisang mahal ko na kahit buhay ko kaya kong ibigay.. Don't I deserve a little bit of sorry a hug maybe.. I'm not mad.. I'd still say yes.. I tried to bring her to you Lord so you could touch her heart a little bit.. pero ang hirap nya i-crack open.. she doesn't love me Lord.. ayoko na sha mahalin.. gusto ko na mag move on.. but i'm being pulled down ng pag mamahal ko sa kanya.. gusto ko lang matulog.. i don't want to be afraid anymore.. kasi pag gising ko.. I have more strength para umiyak.. gusto ko na po maging masaya Lord.. please help me.. kasi po no one else is.. hinang hina na po ko God.. give me strength.. i'm badly bruised.. please God.. help me..

I'm broken today

I hurt all the time. What difference does this one make? Nothing, I presume. It's just been a lifetime routine for me to be broken and hurt by people I trust my heart with. I shouldn't fuss about it. I should gladly accept my fate. I'm gonna make like Ghost Rider and burn here on earth.

"I'm gonna take this curse..and use it against.."

Who?..Nobody gave this curse to me. God certainly didn't will for me to be broken today. I brought this upon myself. I learned that we all have choices. God made sure He couldn't meddle with His own gift of freewill.. or did He?.. Hmm.. God is really smart you know.. Anyway, We make who we are (with God's guidance, of course). I believe I can go on and live a free life with a big heart armour and protection from any possible heart invader or conqueror.. I believe I can break as many hearts as often as I chose to.. I believe no one can hurt me or break me.. I believe I can love as many as I want to.. Heck, I can be a temptress and a tease for all I care.. if only I would chose to.

And yet, I chose to love one person. I chose to reject all who may possibly treat me like I was their life. I chose to close my doors to possible growth and self-fulfilment because I thought I was loved and that I couldn't ask for more. I chose to be humiliated and put into scandalous situations because I thought every fight was worth the togetherness. I chose to accept the fact that I will never be a number one priority..ever. I chose to be taken for granted and accept the love given with a lot of conditions and ifs.

I believe we can have anything we want if we would just put our mind and heart into it. I don't believe the saying "if it's meant to be..then it's meant to be.." What I truly believe is that WE MAKE OUR DESTINY.. if things fail.. it's because you didn't want it bad enough. Hunger is the key. But why do I feel like all the forces of nature is trying to tell me that, all the things I believe in is a whole lot of cr*p?! Can't we really have what we want mommy nature? I beg to differ. Pride is the only thing that keeps people from getting what they really want..and I seriously don't have that in my system. I crave, I plea, I kneel, I cry and I beg as my last resort to getting what I want. And before I even force myself into my last resort, I make irresistible offers such as love, patience and I'd even stand up and fight for you..against anyone..ANYONE!

God, maybe that's my problem. Maybe I give too much of myself to the one person I chose to be with and that they can't find any challenge from me. Well if that's the case..I probably chose to be a loser. Who wants a loser?! A loser who is all out for you and would probably give you anything she possibly can.. Someone who will risk her life for you even though she is the one who needs to be saved.. Someone who will be there for you whether you like it or not.. Someone who will protect you even if you don't need protection.. Someone who would always want to wake up beside you every single morning of your life and wouldn't care about how you looked.. Someone who will love you until you grow old and starts growing a lot of gray hair..
That is probably the kind of loser that I am.. and who wants that?

None that I want..

Whatever.. Who cares anyway.. See yah..