Serendipity: the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely

My tatay and lolo were rearranging stuff around the house earlier. They were arguing and they were a bit loud.. I couldn't care about what they were doing. I was singing Way back into love by Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore to to the highest of my might.. pa-kunot noo.. and special effect with the hands pa.. But then.. I paused for a while cos the noise suddenly stopped and all I could hear was my voice. I glanced at the oldies and they were looking at separate directions.. I stared at them.. and then.. they giggled uncontrollably. Mga maldita.. They were watchin me pala..

Recently I wasn't doing much. I was hangin out nowhere near this world. I seemed to be in another dimension contemplating on matters of the unknown. I seemed to be drawn to the fact that the world is a place filled with uncontainable facts and hoaxes, truth and lies, surrealism and harmful reality.. Plus a lot more deep words I really could not understand and define. Hehe..

Let me tell you what I was thinking about lately.

I was a girl brought up by the perfect parents. They spoiled me and gave me all the happiness I could think of.. That is why I never craved for anything materialistic in this world. I had it all when I was under their care. When ever I got hurt or wounded, they would take away the pain and they would cure those wounds. It's like magic. They loved me and I was one of the most contented baby living right on that lifetime. I could honestly hear people comment my parents for bringing us up righteously. I'm proud of myself really.. and that's all because of them. I was a happy little princess. I was a blessed kid. Good job parents.

My parents.. they were over protective though. Wouldn't let me play on the streets. They would buy me pretty little toys and would always ask me to share them with my sisters but wont let me take them outside. I wanted to play with other kids and share my toys with them. Wouldn't let me chose my own friends. I had the hunger to go out of the walls. I was so curious. I trusted there were others like me (haha, Tarzan)

Now I'm all grown up.. 26 to be exact. Yhuks!.. I went out of the wall and into a new playground. A lot of weird things has changed since then. I don't understand why. People are mean and people screw other people over. I didn't see these things when I was younger. My parents gave me some clue, but they never actually blunted it out to me. They never showed us vileness, deceit nor disrespect. How I wish they did though.. With all the cruelty I was seeing, I finally knew and understand why they were protective of me when I was little.. I might get hit by a vehicle or something.. Other kids might not play nicely and hurt me. Other kids might break or take my toys away from me. I didn't knew that.. If I understood then, I probably would have known what to do now.. The world has introduced itself to me.

World: "Welcome Ann, meet me.. I'm cruel, selfish, vain and I will hurt you whenever I get the chance!"
Roan: "Nice to meet you world!"

And all the pain started crawling in. They first started out slowly.. And they quickly ravished the sanity in me. I wasn't used to all those torture. I know nothing only but to cry. A bit out of the head and crazy when I'm in pain. I get clueless when I'm hurt. I was a baby once again. Only.. my Mommy and Tatay couldn't help me. I obtained all kind of scars and wounds when I got off from that wall. And I have learned to live with them.. I miss home.. I miss my daily cartoons.. I miss being happy.. And best of all.. I miss my sanity..

You trust people.. Love them even.. But they destroy you and grind your heart into pieces.. Accidentally or with intent. Why? Why can't I bring HOME outside? Why can't everyone be like my Mommy and Tatay towards everybody? I'm such a baby. People hurt me all the time. Maybe that's why I had it all when I was young.. I was destined to give up my happiness for others someday.. (took place a couple of times already).. You know what I was proud of? When I got hurt last year.. I got on track. I was cautious.. I know then what do. I said to myself.. I wont let people hurt me again. I will just be happy.

No expectations. No foulness. No negativity. No promises. No lies. No games.

Wouldn't it be nice if we would always be happy. The last time I remembered I was really happy was when I was in high school.. Listed them down.. Smile.. They're really good..

Christmas: opening presents.. Barbies, Dollhouse, Shoes, A new dress
Birthdays: more presents.. Ice cream, Cakes, Balloons and Sweets
First day of school: shopping for new school shoes, bag, lunch box, pencil case, crayons, colorful notebooks
Rainy days: Class suspended.. Uwian na! Madaming tulog.. haay.. hot soup.. noodles..
Last day of school: Summer vacation and swimming lessons
Girl Scout camping: a night out away from home.. on my own.. not actually on my own.. with classmates.. well.. you know what I mean..
Field Trips / Excursions: baon, manila zoo.. excited for a day off from school, friends
First crush na boy: haha! nag away pa kami ng childhood bestfriend ko.. I was, I think.. I don't know.. seven?? haha!
First crush na hmm..: I remember her.. =p
First day of College: on my own at last.. or at least walang school bus.. hehe, met really good friends along the way too..
First REAL job (that I actually liked): Wow.. Unlimited internet access.. Petics lang.. My own income.. (hmm.. wala pala kong naipon)

While other girls my age were busy with make-ups and their crushes and boys.. and girls.. (grin).. Puberty and how their boobs are getting bigger.. I was busy with my daily dosages from Cartoon Network and Disney Channel. I don't have the slightest idea of pain and sorrow. Laugh all you want, but I wasn't even wearing brassier until my senior years in high school. Need I explain things to you? Maybe I wore those sports bra.. Baby bras' what they call em.. Anyway.. I was a really naive and a worry-free little kid.. Then, college.. Barkada.. Tambay.. Billiards.. Beer.. Hah! I learned a lot of new things.. Met a lot of people.. good ones and not so good but tolerable people.. A lot of rude and cruel ones too.. Goodness.. quite a lot of Firsts too.. It's all good.. =) Became curious.. a seemingly tamed little girl.. a bit wild on the inside.. Learned to smile my way towards a lot of freebies.. Whew! Worry free still.. Lazy days listening to music.. Bummin around with the bestest friends in the world.. Watched a lot of good movies.. Partyin out and livin the great night life..

Haay.. good old happy days.. =) Wished they didn't had to end.. A lot of bad stuff ruined those happy days.. Perhaps cos I trusted so easily.. No regrets though..
I bet there are more happy thoughts.. Just got to pull them out of my memory box..
One day maybe.. Wait..

Gyeon-Woo: ..

Just recently, after certain struggles and the will to survive..haha.. I felt a familiar kind of happiness.. Haay.. Just when one is being accustomed to every cruelty the world is laying out in front of thee.. (arte!)..Who would've thought there was something like that outside the great wall of the safe-zone.. (huh?!) Some sort of sorcery perhaps.. It felt like the same old magic, had struck my happy endorphins.. I felt at home and completely back to my old wonderful self once again.. Weird huh.. It's all because of Gyeon-Woo.. Hmm.. Lets see.. him.. ah.. yes him.. I was actually happy again when I met him.. Let me tell you about my happiness..

It was just a couple of days just before the year 2008 ended.. the 27th of December..

hehe.. teka.. I'm sleepy na naman.. g'nite muna
To be continued..