Breaking Ann

I just got home from a movie date. I'm still a lot sprung about the movie I've watched. It was my favorite movie and still is. Everything is incredible. The wedding was so dramatic and grand. Everything about it screams Roan's picture of how her life should be. The courtship.. The mystery.. The attraction.. The need to protect and be protected.. The changes a person will go through just to be part of someone else's life.. The pain along with it.. The fact that no matter how you try to do the right thing.. you often end up doing the wrong ones and how people who loves you will still stand by and fight for you till the end..

Not only have I fallen in love with the saga but it's also partly.. an interpretation of who I am..

Like Bella..

I'm one tough nut to crack.
One of the hardest things to do is to figure out what a woman wants. And by far.. I'm one of the hardest ones to crack. When I'm not satisfied, I would never give up. Either try my hardest to push them away.. Or hold on to them as tight as I could. Either way.. I always get what I deserve. I like the fact that Edward tries so hard to figure Bella out. In my own little life's theater.. A lot has attempted to.. even imprinted on me.. However, in a way.. they kinda disappeared into thin stinky air.. It's that, or.. they're just not my Edward.. All or nothing in real life.
I'm very casual.. a bit complex.. but simply casual..
I don't like fancy stuff. Neither the materialistic type. I wear my hair down.. rarely comb them.. I don't do a lot of make-ups. I like comfy clothes. I don't seek attention and I despise the spotlight. I'm not timid and shy, but I'd like to keep it on the down low. I remember hearing from a gay collegue.. and believe me.. it wasn't the first time I have.."Ang siga mo mag lakad noh?.. Wala man lang ka poise poise.."
Well.. I guess that's the whole point.. For pervs to notice the walk.. Instead of drooling over the tooshie.. hehe.. kiddin..
I am misunderstood.
Some people might think it's okay.. but it's not.. would get whatever chance they could just so they can make the most out of you.. very abusive.. and sometimes, they couldn't see that I'm just nice to everyone.. and that we all have our needs.. couldn't read between the lines..

I tend to be close to people who's vulnerable to develop strong emotions for me. I keep enough distance not to let them fall and enough distance not to hurt them.. and yet.. they either hate me in the end.. blame me for everything.. or fall even more.

I can be a tease.. Haha!
I can't get over how she kept teasing Edward so he would touch her.. Turned on by his strength and control. Oh gosh.. My eyes are half open as I picture myself entrusting my body to a person who's.. Ugghh.. D*mn.. Strong, yet tries to be as gentle as he/she possibly could.. Break the headboard why don't you..
I value faithfulness and loyalty towards my family.
I can play a lot of cat and mouse chases.. but quite frankly.. I know where home is. It's in a place where all kind of emotions revolve around you.. and in spite of these emotions.. true love will never cease to exist. Sort of pandora-ish box kinda scene. Inevitable, but "hope" lingers within.. You know what I mean. I know some envies how the Cullens protected each other from all the odds.. but you see.. that's what I have with my family.. oh man, yes, they get on my nerves sometimes.. a lot actually.. but no one could hurt us.. for we'll be there to protect each other..

I'd die for my very own Renesme.. her name is Riane.
She's unplanned for. She's unexpected. I never thought she would happen and yet.. I would have drank blood for her too so that she may live.. Riane's my life now.. It's a very unbelievably awesome feeling..

And that my friend.. is why I love the movie. They were right on the spot with the family stuff, friendship.. good and bad.. almost everything.. It highlights some of the best scenes taking place in my magical life. God was even there.. In a way, I mean.. Looking at the bigger picture.. Nature.. Love.. Life.. Well.. They may have lived immortal lives.. but My God has eternity planned ahead of us all. La lang.. I love Him so much.. When I was loosing my mind. When I was really down. When the ones I love made it their business to hate me. When I refused to love myself.. The Lord has been there all the time.

Thank You po for this good life.

Blank Walls and Lies

I'd rather have lived a beautiful lie than have died embracing an ugly truth. If you've started lying, make sure you don't ever let me know ~Yoshiko

As I walk above a two storey high overpass, I get to appreciate the time shifting schedule I get working in a call centre. Everyday I pass over that bridge over troubled boundaries.. and sometimes, I get to do it alone. Goodness I'm so brave aren't I? Well.. at least I try to be brave. Being all scared with heights and all that.. Whew.. Plus the everyday fact that I'm wearing a 15k watch.. Tagging along a 40k cellphone (hay babe ko kasi eh).. A priceless face (char!).. and An angel waiting for me at home.. Oh, My Dear Lord God is truly good.. He keeps us all away from harm.. from stalkers.. from evil-doers.. Thank You so very much my Lord.

Upon my way home, I was contemplating about so many things.. With all the wind blowing against my skin.. A great sunset view.. All the ambiance makes me think of so many grand thoughts that I couldn't wait to write down.. The funny thing is.. that when I got home.. Sat on this bed.. In front of this machine.. All the excitement to write those thoughts had seemingly vanished.. and so.. just stared at the wall all blank.. Hayy.. I tried to reenact the scene a while back, but all that inspired me is the pink wall behind the laptop and just couldn't write down anything at all.. All that was left out of those grandeur is this feeling that I was a bit keeping inside since I got out from work.. This feeling of mine.. needing to put a halt on my typing skills.. and just poop.. Hehe.. Sorry.. I really have to go run downstairs now....
Hang on..
I'll be back..

There..
What? None of you poops? Good on ya!
I didn't just poop you know.. I know I was out for a couple of hours.. 4 hours to be exact.. Who poops that long dude? I had to attend to my baby too, you know.. play with her.. read stuff online.. Oh, and dinner too.. Hmm.. Play Pet Society.. Read some more.. Mainly tweets.. I read about a post about how it's not his fault to fall in love with someone who's compelled to write down everything.. word per word.. Hmm.. Interesting eh?There's nothing wrong with expressing the heart's thoughts through writings. You can say whatever you want to say.. As long as they're the truth. Hmm.. Wait a sec.. Come to think of it, nothing is really considered a lie.. until one gets caught right? You're then considered a liar when you get caught! Wow..

Read my lips.. or writing..
LYING and OMITTING CERTAIN TRUTH..
Former would be giving out a rather very different statement from the actual.
The latter would simply be.. not mentioning it at all.
Two entirely different things which will change the spinning world. We make mistakes and we get caught doing so. Best we can do, is to cushion the blow. Well.. hypothetically.. given a f*ckd up twisted kind of situation.. what I'd do is, I'd avoid making up lies.. I'll try to shut my mouth and won't talk about it for as long as I can.. I'd rather talk my way out of it and omit certain truth.. I would NEVER tell the truth especially if it will destroy someone who matters to me.. Uhh... that's supposed to be on the heavy side though.. On the lighter part, ask me the right question.. and you might get your answer.. (Oo na.. pilosopo na..)

Yes, I'm saying it's okay to lie.. just as long as you don't end up hurting someone. It's like what I always say..
Go ahead and lie you s*ck f*ck-witt a-h*le scabies..
Uhh..
Yeah..
That's it..
That's what I always say..

I mean, c'mon, sure if it will benefit you and you don't spread lies about others and you won't end up getting caught? Go for it.. The law of nature complies with every action of man.. And we control our lives.. We sell ourselves.. We make who we are.. We are free.. And if you're gonna lie about who you are.. then make it a good lie..
Uhmm.. I hope I made sense right there..

Anyway.. Just be careful though, cos if you meet someone, who has been lied to a million times already, by s*ck f*ck-witt *ssh*le scabies.. then you better be careful.. Cos the moment they found out about it.. I'm telling you man.. All your hard work.. All of your happiness.. All of what you've made of yourself.. It's all history..
Don't be stupid..
That's all I can tell you about lies man.
I hate liars.

Moving on..
I'd say most of what people write down is about how they feel and think of. Well, sure, I'm not that oh-sooo great a writer.. I mean, I write about whatever I want.. and I'm just fine.. Yeah there are some who writes about serious stuff and they get all articulate and really smart sounding with their deep words and all that overrated phoey stuff.. and when what I write about gets close encounters with what these smarty-pants-writers have.. My stuff will just be like.. "Ay.. Eyow phowz.. Hihi.." hahaha! But nonetheless, I'm still so proud of my own.. I'm a kind of my own, you know.. Hmph!

Just a moment ago.. My daughter hit me with my phone right on the forehead.. I couldn't get back at her.. I tried to pinch her but I just couldn't catch her from all of the panic running-around she made after the blow, w/c by the way, I'm still dizzy from. La lang.. Na-share ko lang.. See yah!

Evey Rose Has Its Thorn

I'm sick.. Feverish.. due to this disgusting abscess growing infectiously under my beautiful armpit. I took 2 days off from work cos I really am so weak. It's funny how things are in a way, for I don't function the way I normally do. I couldn't drop my arms down. I couldn't work my way around the computers.. I couldn't grab a hold of the mouse at work and I couldn't even lift my baby at home, dude, I couldn't even eat and sleep right. I'm taking P2K+ worth of medications and that's just for 7 freakin days. Ouch two tops.. huh? Really hurtin my pocket and my body too. Hehe..

My partner, she was really supportive though, she took a day out of work too to be with me at the ER.. She slept over and took care of me like that of a baby, w/c is quite a big deal since I'm always taking care of my Baet.. It's nice to have someone take care of you for a change.. She's really great.. In fact, I find her looking really good every time I'm with her.. As in, ang gwapo nya tlga.. Hay.. And to add up to that God-like physical appearance of her.. Let me just tell you how great she is.. for paying for an Apple iPhone 4 from a recontracting deal my mom got from rip-off Globe Telecoms. See, my mom's two year plan is up and is entitled to a free phone. We upgraded and had to pay out right for a handset w/c I now own.. okay.. okay.. let me say it again peeps.. I now own A Black Apple iPhone 4 16GB.. yey!

I know it's not that big a deal.. It's an in-season-techy stuff that's gonna get faced-out some time in the future too, pero mga chong.. iPhone 4 to noh! Wlang basagan ng trip.. hehe.. I remember how I originally requested for a white one but apparently, they're out of stock.. Good thing I went for the black, cos it's classy and far more bold than the white, dumihin pa yung white.. My besy got the white one.. so okay na.. at least I get to experience both. I have a postpaid myself and I got a free phone along with it. My Crein paid for the iPhone 4's cash out and I get to use it of course.. and in return to the correspondence, I gave her my Sony Ericsson Xperia 8 and I gave my mom my other phone w/c is a Nokia X2-01. . and voila!! Everybody happy.. except maybe.. partly.. not me.. cos I have a lump here.. huhu.. My partner and I were teasing nga and cudling a while back and I couldn't fight her back.. hay.. I wanna be well already.. Must be from all the stress I've been having.. The nanny I have isn't that much helpful, I mean sure.. she's really in for cleaning the whole lot of the house.. But when it comes to Riane.. she just doesn't have the heart.. Hmm, let's just say.. She's not who I'm looking for.. Hay.. buhay.. I can't take this stress anymore..

My partner and I talked all night. She's a good person to talk to. She has all the opinion in the world and I get to laugh at most of them. They're good though. She shared her lifetime plan with me. It was really nice, especially since Baet and I am in it. I didn't expect how I would be able to pull out a strand from my dream and make it happen in real life. She was once all I've ever wished for as a partner.. but quite frankly.. I don't think I'm ready for all of her just yet.. I mean.. True, she's perfect.. and all that they may never be.. it's just that I'm in a little bit of a mess right now.. and with all of what's happening.. I'm just about ready to fall apart.. My Darling Riane's the only thing that's holding it all up for me..

I've been pushing her the way I've pushed others that came before her.. but the funny thing is.. she's literally not like all the others.. She sticks around.. no matter how hard I do.. Sometimes, I just get really tired of it.. hehe.. hence quiting pushing away..

Someone told me.. If I push people away all the time like I always do.. then I might end up alone.. hmm.. guess what.. I don't think I care that much about that aspect.. It doesn't really matter that much to me.. hehe.. I have my reason for being and without my Riane.. Seriously? I'd be dead.. and I mean literally.. dead..

Crein's the relationship type of dream. The reason for the sly smile on your face everymorning. The one type whom you bring home to mom and tatay even if it's kinda imoral.. haha!! The reason why you love little holidays suh as Valentines, Anniversaries, Monthsaries and even Forthnightsaries.. haha! The reason why you love weddings and engagement rings.. The reason why you have so many reasons and just couldn't grab one cos they're all rushing through your brains.. The reason why they say "She's all that..!" Actually.. I can be all that too.. hmm.. anyway.. haha!

Seriously.. I couldn't bare to hurt her.. She deserves so much more.. We all do..

To be continued..

Some dream

I just woke up from a very bad dream. It was about someone I deeply care about.. my partner.. keeping something from me. What happened was a friend of hers informed her of a surprise she has for her. She didn't told me about it. I found out cos I took her mobile and saw their conversation.. which is odd, cos I don't go about doing that to her.. you know.. reading text messages and invading privacy and stuff like that.. but anyway. I learned that they were about to meet up after our dinner. In that dream, she told me was that she is going to work and that she needs to leave early. I felt something was not right so I insisted to tag along with her to work. Of course she could not do that cos she's really not going, right??! So she has no choice but to take me to where she told me she was really going. As we walk around slowly in circles, her friend came walking straight to us with a f*ingly irritating smile on her face.. with the so called surprise with her.. the person who my partner liked before she liked me who liked her back and almost got it on however was not given a good chance to do it.. and all that crap. Tada! And there we all stood still smiling at each others pathetically plastic faces with a very awkward silence slapping our souls each millisecond that passes by. Urghhh!!!

So since where all there anyway, I asked my partner not to go to work and I invited them all to our house so they can talk there. All agreed of course. We went back to our house and took home the f*cking surprise. And I stupidly locked them in our room. OUR ROOM!!! The three of them were whispering to each other.. panicking looks like it to me. I left them and I was not even introduced and they talked for hours and I was waiting outside to be invited.. of course d*mb*ss.. I wasn't. After hours of chatting *I'd like to believe*.. They all left and my partner texted me.. We want you to come with us to watch part two of the first movie you and I watched together..

My heart was so heavy for it felt so real. I felt betrayed and I couldn't breathe. I hate it and it was torture. I woke up crying my head off.. But you know who was there to dry off my tears? My daughter.. My one year old daughter.. Would you imagine that? Her lips were pouting for a kiss.. She was making crying sounds and she's acting all worried for me.. The best part? She was wiping the hair away my forehead so she can kiss my face..