If it's the right thing to do, then why do I feel bad?

Truth is, I don't ever wanna lose him. I was hoping he would be the one. I kind of entertained those little bluffing words from him a couple of days ago. He said he pictured us together, in our own little duplex home, four bedroom. Our kids living with us.. adding one more after a couple of years. It's kinda nice to hear him picturing things for us. We planned to save up so we can buy a car of our own. These things, I know are words to keep a girl holding on. And yes, it worked for me.. Because, as much as he wants to push and believe I am gay, I still am a girl. A girl who's madly in love with him. And in spite of knowing something that he has been keeping from me all along, I trusted him still. I wanted him still. I love him still.

It's nice to plan the future with someone as special as him. But it's just not fair that our past has to affect our decisions. It's not fair to say I played with his emotions, when all I asked was for him to tell me the truth whenever I ask for it. It's not fair to become sweet, nice, patient, understanding and helpless when I've bashed faces of lying cheating no good f*ckwitts before him. It's not fair, that I've given him everything I could to make him happy and make him stay, only to find out that the reason why we got to this point started out as a stupid f*ing bet. It's not fair that we always sneaked out in the parking lot and everywhere we could cos I wanted to protect what we have, when everybody else knows already and retardedly laughing at me behind my back. It's not fair to say that a couple of months isn't enough to say what we had was real. It's not fair to break up with someone who has paused her life just to be with you every single chance she could.. even set aside.. No, I won't go there.. It's just not fair.

I wanna fight for him. But really, what am I fighting for? Who am I kidding? Who broke who's heart? I will just humor myself with what he always pulls off to me as a joke "Girls can fake orgasms, but Boys can fake relationships"

Buddy, I am kinda tired to be the person who always holds on. I don't wanna be afraid anymore. I don't wanna cower in fear every time a bad temper rises up. I don't wanna beg nor plea just for people to stay and hold on to me.

He's right though, this shouldn't be this complicated. True love doesn't have to hurt this much. But really? What can I do? It's either he doesn't want me anymore.. again! or he's just afraid as I am. Hmm.. This is crazy. I think I'm just gonna hold on to what I feel, until it fades. Problem is.. would it? Gosh, I'm missing him already.

Wishful thinking

There's no guarantee that you'll find the one thing missing in your life. And it's just sad, that you have to spend the rest of your life looking for it. The truth is, if you already have found and lost it, it would always find it's way back to you. If not, then pray to God.. He will find a way for you. And now, Let me pray.

Lord, I need to talk to you please. I know and I understand what You're doing for me. Plus, You made me smart, so You should know how, as time and pain molds me to who and what I am now, I would kinda figure out Your plans for us. You're tricky Lord, but I know You love me. I will be patient cos I trust in You. It's just that, this lifetime is too short.. And we're so excited, Riane and I, to spend the rest of our lives with my King. Well, Riane's gona find her own prince too.. But for the meantime, she'll be tagging along with me. So please keep this heart strong for the both of us.

I remember how beasts tore me apart with their foulness before.. Some will still probably try to.. I may need to kiss a lot of frogs too. But I know that when the Volturis come to tear us up, I'd have my very own Edward to protect us. I know Lord, that I'm weak, and can often be too irrational and impulsive. I decide based on fear and I react stupidly on things I thought I understand, but really don't. But when I find him, all these tears are gonna be worth the wait.

I thought I met him already. A couple of times I thought I have. But this one just recently.. I forgot to tell him how much I love him. And as they say "I may have just let the moment pass me by..".

So Lord, in case he doesn't find out. Let him at least know that he is by far the best that ever came along. Let him know that he doesn't have to change, cos he will find someone who will perfectly fit in his life. May he find this lucky girl who'll show her all the happiness and love he deserves. May they live happily ever after.. Just like in the fairy tales. Oh, Lord, You know how I wish it's me. But I think all these fears needs to mellow down a bit first. And perhaps, you could give me my fairy tale too. Dear God, I love him so much. You know he has a good heart. I know he loves You and probably just couldn't say it. He's a good guy. Please take care of him for me. Amen.

It all started with a game.. I wonder who's playing

So.. It's 5:54 in the morning. I just woke up. Tengeneng yen! My hair!?! It wasn't like this earlier. Now it's all messed up! My eyes! My mascara! Grr.. Looking at the mirror, hmm.. No worries, still looking fine, but hey! Let me just say.. I was prettier before I even fell asleep! Hang on.. Haha! What happened. I'm confused. Did he stood me up? I feel like a dud.. This isn't right. I hate him.. Hang on.. Why don't I back it up a little and tell you how all these even started.

I was on a deep cozy slumber on a fine Wednesday night in the boring month of May of the year 2012, when my dear friend and former Team Lead called up and bossed me around asking me to to email her my resume. Half awake I told her I would do so and then sneaked back to bed, called again in a few minutes and in a way screaming asking me to wake up. "Fine!" I did as I was told and went back to sleep. The very same night, someone called me up and told me that I have an interview the following afternoon. "Wha..?" called up Dee and asked her all about it. "Mag aaply tayo, andun na yung kumare ko, susunod na tayo, malaki offer sa kanya".. "Uhh.. okay.. sige.. Thank you.."

The following day, I showed up wearing jeans and a blouse, very little make up, big smile on my face, a whole lot of confidence but not sure as to what position we were applying for. Dee, my TL, and her boyfriend Erick was there before me, sitting there.. waiting and looking very flashy in their formal suits. They were staring at me like I'm a walking dirt or something. "Anu yang suot mo! Bat di ka man lang nag ayos!?!" Haha!.. All my efforts were stepped on, mocked and thrown in the bin next to me. But it was fine, since I wasn't prepared for that anyway, and my plan was just to show up! They're my friends, I support them all the way.. Turns out, I was applying for an SME position and getting an offer of half more than what I was earning before. Hey, this isn't bad at all! Now we're talking! Rarr! I put on my game face and got really serious with the application. And yup, who would've thought that Lil Miss Sleepy Head would get the job?! It's just sad that Dee and Erick didn't make it.

The thing is, I like where I am now. Got unlimited breaks, getting the hang of what I'm doing, meeting new people and building up new friendship. I lifted off instantly. I was assigned to be the POC for the Billiards and Bowling team for the Sports Fest coming this January, w/c gave me an instant access to a social buttered life. I got really busy, apart from the fact that I was asleep  most of the time during a 3 month training. I was coordinating with my sports team and trying to get over my no good lying cheating ex at the same time. I eventually moved on. I didn't learn important things! I was in total ruins and I didn't even notice it. I was really lost. Ask me something about the job and I'll be a total nincompoop. I'd say chatting was the highlight of my training.

This particular guy though, so excited for the very first practice ever. He kept on asking and asking and asking for us to push it earlier.. Chatting me almost every time I log in. Talking about nothing but the practice. Suggesting the best time and place for it. Until I couldn't take the pressure from him anymore. Okay, I get it, you want to play billiards and bowling. Then, I just needed to schedule a practice date soon, so to get him off my back about it. Oh, gosh, he even came over to ask me and PJ about it (PJ: Dee's friend, now mine too). PJ asked for a stick of cigarette and introduced us.
Him!! I know him! I know him by reputation! The Bob! The same guy every girl I know is talking about. 

I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. I wasn't sure if I was attracted. He's a snob and a half. The typical "suplado" you notice when you walk pass through the hallways. Doesn't even look at me. Often busy when I pass through his post. I don't think he likes me either. Sure, his eyes are sultry.. very sexy lips and every girl I knew at work was so into him. Like they wanna rip off a part of his body and own it. These girls I could tell are his groupies. I couldn't engage myself in such thought. I just got off a relationship and I find it too soon to be liking someone I don't even know. I've been hearing things about him.. They say that he's a good domain trainer, really smart  and one of the best Team Leads in the account.. he drives.. plays the guitar.. and that he's got a son and goofs around with girls too. Who in their straight serious minds would consider a player? Nu-uh.. not me.. 

Hmm.. This guy's very first words to my face..

"Hey!"

"Kelan ba talaga yung practice ng Billiards?"

"Bobmar!" I said to him..

"Sabihin ko sayo, schedule natin yan.."

and then we walked away.. Damn! He's really good looking up close.. There's something about him. How he looks at you.. How his words pierce through your veins.. It was just a couple of seconds and I snapped right out of it right away.. Now I don't remember why I hate him.. haha!

I remember how there are many a countless times when I tried to avoid him. How we would chat casually the whole day.. everyday. There even came a time when I don't belong to any chat room anymore cos I don't respond to any of them cos I was too busy talking to him. We talked about work. His life.. My life.. How we shared point of views.. How we oppose and how I'd agree with him most of the time, which rarely happens with people I don't like. How hysterical I'd laugh when he'd say something not even funny. I remember when I finally organized a date for the billiards and bowling practice.. he was the first to on site and right on time and we were late for almost an hour. Afterwards we had a drink with the other players and I noticed how he doesn't show any interest towards me. I remember how he would talk a lot and everything he says, as senseless they seem to be, makes perfect sense to me. How I'm smiling now as I picture him and his beautiful arms and sexy hands stroking the glass of beer. How he would drink from it and his red lips would touch these so damn lucky piece of matter! I remembered the first time we talked for almost 3 hours. Same time he asked me out and I didn't acknowledge with a yes or no.. He was so hungry then and it was around 3 in the morning. He wanted to eat breakfast cos we just woke up and was tempting me with how he thinks the meat and all other food at RJ's Bulalo is so luscious and juicy. I remember when he asked me to visit a batch mate of mine who was confined in a hospital and he mentioned there were many of us visiting and when we were about to leave it was just 3 of us and the other one was a bit hesitant to go. Afterwards we had a couple of beer at that place I don't recall the name. I do remember though, how when I finally got drunk, held his hand, touched his face as I sing to him Weak by SWV. I tried to tease him but he couldn't even look at me..

I couldn't remember now why I hate him.. I just couldn't..

(To be continued.. for sure..)

A Sullied Life

Interesting ain't it.. How when one takes a glimpse of a well rounded life..
She gets to see things in a different perspective somehow..
A life far from what she has thought it would be..
Everything is just fine at first.
One gets to walk the path of life without a worry about a thing.
Suddenly, it gets a bit cloudy..
It then gets a bit complicated.
..and then the world falls apart..
Struggle and chaos occurs in a once serene mind..
In an instant, an inexplicable pain somewhere in one's humanity appears without her having the strength to repel it.. not even once.. not even just a bit..
So painful that it felt like the body's deteriorating.. slowly.. surely..
hmm..
And then, when there ain't nothing left to destroy.. pain goes away..
Surprisingly, one tries to search for it.. out of curiosity..
One starts to wonder where it went..
She can't get a clear picture of how it used to feel..
One is implicit to herself..
Current state feels so light and everything seemingly fixated on something she just couldn't get a hold of..
One couldn't notice though, how everything else is healing..
Everything shines..
Subconsciously, one becomes happy again..
So happy, one starts to drive to wherever the wheel takes the body and soul to..
Having the idea that getting in trouble seems like fun..
Deluded by the thrill each challenges brings her every single day..
So uncertain of where the road will take her..She moves on effortlessly..
The journey unconsciously comes to a halt as she hits a massive wall..
There aren't any pain, though, cos one is dazzled by the lightness of her figuratively non-existent senses..
And so..
One goes blank.. Blinded..
Every beauty is unseen by her naked soul..
The thirst for the pain that once was there has been satisfying her throat of fears and unexplainable appetite for paranoia
a constant reminder that most of the things in this life is consumable but uncontainable..
Hazards to her being is inevitable, thus making pain a necessity to survive life..
Pain itself has been part of the delusional mind necessary to survive every foulness and dilemma one will and needs to encounter..
Eventually.. pain has evolved into a matter that has become an absence all through out her journey
As an alternative, she has allowed herself to be carried away by a subtle yet dangerous wave in the ocean of life..
Though she tries to complicate things in her own mystical ways..
It just couldn't happen for her, cos there's total ecstasy..
It's not about time for her to feel any weary..
And although she's unsure.. and wide-eyed
It's quite okay..
It's all in God's good time as to when and how it will all get better
and yeah..
It's fine.. cos He said it will definitely get better..

Father's Day? Oh boy, this is gonna hurt..

I remember how I used to play alone with my dolls when I was a child. I'd sit on a miniature wooden rocking chair and talk to these beautiful things. My mommy said that I was three during those times and she said that it's amazing how I can still recall them. Hmm.. Maybe it's cos of the pictures. The pictures that my father kept all these years. Ah, my father.. My man.. The first man I've ever loved.. I'm his little princess, you know. And it's funny how, even up until now, he still hugs me and kisses me on my head. He tickles me like I'm a little girl. He attempts to carry me in front of our house when I come home from work. It's silly. You can imagine how ridiculous it is being 29ish. It's irritating. But at the same time, it's magical. These are moments that I will remember until I pass away.

My mom's so lucky to have my dad.. and she doesn't even know it. She complains about him.. I don't even understand the things she complains about. She's so immature in some ways. I mean, he married her.. gave her a house to be a home.. gave her five beautiful children who loves them so much. He provided for us. He showed us how good he is to my mom.. even though I've felt like he could have been somewhere else.. living a different life.. He stayed. He protected us.. therefore, he's my hero.

Not everyone gets to be as lucky as my mom. I don't even know if I'll find someone who'll take care of me like how my father takes care of her. I know I'm just like any other normal girl who played with Barbie dolls. I've been planning my very own wedding since I was 10. I dreamed of my very own prince charming who'll take me away to his own castle on top of the hill and father my own little royal babies.. It's silly how I pictured it would be Leonardo "Romeo" di Caprio but unfortunately he has a princess of his own now so, I had to get over him.. haha! It's okay. God will make a way for me. He always does. He's the greatest dad amongst all dads.
Everything is just right.. I play the dad and mom's role.. So well.. that it terrifies me na with all the things I've been able to battle out on my own, someone will come in and out of our lives as they please.. and probably.. out of an inconsistent-stupid spur of the moment-conscience attack.. most likely, due to a severe alcohol intoxication.. and then, unintentionally hogs all the glory out of all the things that I've worked hard for. Say, an unexpected night.. a random stranger makes his presence known.. what will I do? panic perhaps? and then after that.. this person pleads temporary insanity just so he can go back to his daily floundering routine. It's not gonna be funny at all. I may tremble when I learn his name.

His mere existence may scare the s*#t out of me. I may fear him like how vampires fear the sunlight. I seriously feel like this type of person would take away what's left out of my womanhood.. you know? ugh!! So hard to explain these things.. but let me put it this way.. now.. since I've been stripped out off almost everything, the only thing that I could level up to would have to be.. a great mother level.. well in my case.. a MILF too.. lol..

With all that I believe in, I wouldn't want such creature ruining it for us. All those efforts includes the time I've understood that some of the relationships I've had isn't real and raising a child alone isn't so bad after all. It also included the time I've learned to ignore all the mean things they say about me behind my back.. also all the things they claimed I have become when I was pregnant because of what I felt back then due to some hormonal imbalance.. all that they say about how Riane's mother is.. I've conquered them all.. I've moved on.. on my own.. and my daughter will never ever hear these things because none of them is me!

I have been tougher.. braver.. stronger than that pathetic little kid who dreams about rubbish Romeo and Juliet beginnings. I have been that girl with a heart of stone which only beats for the entity that lets her live. I am now that woman who'll do anything so for her princess to have her own fairy tale come true..

It terrifies me, that I won't be enough for my little one. I'm terrified that someday, she'll blame me for things she knows nothing about.. Especially, when all that I'm doing right now is for her to live and for her to have a great future ahead of her. Would I be enough? Would she need someone else while I'm here staying up all night, working hard, waking up every after an hour just so I can acknowledge that I'm ready to play with her.. pushing my body and strength to its limits just so I can keep up with this dog eat dog world.. I'm living for her. I'm giving up so much cos she's all that matters to me. God, I'm not even falling in love.. and I'm not about to start complaining. I can't be broken by random strangers. She can't have a broken mommy. I have to be tough.. No fool have the right to mess me up like that ever again. I won't ever make excuses for other's absence. D*mn! I'm not about to cover up for some sorry ass!

Some strangers in this world doesn't even know who I am baby. Considering the choices they made. I hope these strangers get on with their self made lives. Get married for all I care, then maybe they can be what they claim to be in their own little lives. Not in my life.. Not ever in yours. It's gonna be you and me baby.. Until you find no more use for mommy. I love you so much my daughter.

Happy fathers day? Yes.. To my Tatay.. My friends and their fathers.. to those who plays the part even if they didn't have to.. and most especially to my ever dearest Heavenly Father. I love You so much po. Please protect us all the time. Thank You for everything dear Lord God..

Don't hate me, my child. Sure you have someone else's name.. but you'll always be mommy's life.

Blessed Bum

I'm playing Tetris Battle currently and a while ago, I was busy with Hidden Chronicles.. I also challenged my classmates to play Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Oh my.. This is so nice.. My mom sent my iPhone away to have it repaired since I forcibly and stupidly flushed it down the toilet thinking it was that thing that came out of us women every month. Yes, I was drunk that time. But my point is, after it's fixed, then I would be able to play with it all day. I love computer games you know. My.. This is so wonderful.. I'm taking it all easy. I have all the time in the world to bum around. I've bought lots of DVDs so I could watch them while my baby plays in the room. Pretty much excited to finish the seasons of House too. Weeeeee!!!

My Riane is sleeping right at this very moment. She was playing too a while ago. Messed the room and I thought I'd let her do it every once in a while. She kinda over did it though. She rubbed baby lotion all over her face and body and rolled all over the floor.. She ate her powdered milk and spread it all over the table and licked it afterwards. Well, this is a baby proof room and I don't keep chemicals whatsoever in here, so I thought it was fine. And besides, the floor is well kept clean by my very OC partner, Crein. I kinda lost it though and yelled "RIANE!!" when she threw the milk out of the canister like she's throwing it out into the ocean. She then ran in panic towards the bed and hugged me and touched my face ever so sweetly.. saying..
"Sorry na Momie huh? Wak moko aaway huh?"
"Aww.." you might react..
Nope, not an aww-moment for me, since the lotion and the powdered milk were well mixed all over her hands.. Yes.. rubbed it in my face.. slowly.. gently..
Ohh.. Riane.. Just hugged the fury out of me.

My partner told me I was blooming since I quit my job. Well, I guess I can say I'm prettier than while I was working. I also had my hair coloured and rebonded. My partner's always excited to see me. I guess I couldn't blame her. Haha! Kidding..

I wish I'm rich with money though, so I could buy more time to burn on quality moments such as these. I know time flies real fast and my baby will grow up pretty soon.. I wish and pray to God that I could be there for her every step of the way. Well.. with money.. lots and lots of it.. tons of it.. I could buy time for myself so that I don't miss out on every minute of her growth. I'll be there on her first day at school and she doesn't feel like going.. when she's confused.. i'll teach her everything she needs to know about life.. happiness.. sadness.. i'll be there on her first heartbreak.. and maybe kill the guy who hurt her afterwards.. lol..

It's funny thinking about how my trip to Singapore turned out to be. I was almost convinced by a friend to work there. I was planning to quit my job anyway and I was offered all expense paid accommodation and food for a month or two if in case I ever decide to pursue looking for a job there. Great offer, maybe I will.. Maybe I won't.. I haven't given it some serious thoughts until March came. The jitters where all over me.. This is it.. I've finally quit my job and I'm gonna be a full time mom.. Hang on.. I need to decide too.. An opportunity has just presented itself.. Yeah, hang on.. I might give it a try.. So there, I was so sure I was going to do it.. I mean like work there..

So I flew.. I went there. I toured.. I took pictures.. I had fun all afternoon.. But then.. on that very first night.. before I went to bed.. Actually, I was on the floor on a thin mattress and I could actually feel the peas.. lol.. I had my lappy on a while ago and had just finished video conferencing with my partner and my baby.. I was so f*ing paranoid and definitely unease.. I've came to realize.. Is this really how I would've wanted things to be?? Would I willingly blindfold myself to take a shot at an unknown target? Did I lure myself on another gamble, which by the way, I despise doing? Am I that pathetic to lurk for luck elsewhere, when all the blessings I need is right back at home? I mean, He's good anywhere but.. Do I really need to go through all these? WTF am I doing? I'm not desperate?! I don't want to be away from my daughter. I quit job my job so we could be together often and you know.. just maybe work some other time. I was almost about to cry and I couldn't sleep that night, so after a few days I told my friend that I'm not gonna do it anymore. And she was a bit upset cos she really thought I'd live with them and we can pay for the rent together and all that planned ahead of her.. with me in it. Honestly, for me it was a bit of an awkward discussion.

Just now, I was checking for grammatical errors while reading out this blog entry(*) out loud. And as I do.. an amazing thing just happened.. Riane uttered..
"Mami.. you are happy!"
Well.. imagine that..

So anyway.. I tried to enjoy the last few days of my stay in Singapore and oh my.. it was a beautiful country. So clean and indeed a great place to bring up children. I bought a lot of stuff and I never regret purchasing each item. It was a great feeling shopping for pasalubongs I was on the webcam with my baby and my partner almost 24/7. I couldn't wait to get back home.

The truth is, I do want a better life but not away from the love of my life. God has indeed given me so much that I couldn't ask for more. In fact, He's been consistently blessing me and I couldn't be more grateful. I guess, I was okay just the way I was. I was able to survive without having to beg for help. I was okay without having to manipulate others to respect me. I was just fine and Riane is growing up with all the love and care that she deserves during this stage of her life. And more to come, by the way.. from Momie

Going away for 10 days has been a great learning experience for me. The most important thing is that, I'm not about to leave my daughter behind just so someone else could be a mother to her while I try to be a father. I guess my life could be better.. but I'm certain that it will only be as long as I have her here with me. Ugly truth though, I have to go back to work soon since my savings will run out eventually.. and I wouldn't have anywhere to pull out money from. Can't rely on anyone really. One thing is for sure.. My life is for Riane and I won't let her down.. and I know.. God is with me on that one too.

Identification Card Please

I was with a heavy heart as I walk along the corners of JP Rizal, the other day, on the way towards the city hall.. I've been workin on gettin a Solo Parent ID. The sunshine has mellowed down a bit and the rays of the sun doesn't hurt the skin. The breeze was calm and the weather was indeed very fine. As I was passing through a crowd who I believe couldn't notice how the tears are slowly building up my weak tired eyes, I courageously took a deep breath as I gather all the strength so I could accept the fact that I am really going to do this..
OA? ID lang? =}
Yes, the ID is for me.. but the grandest intentions are for her..
I am taking the first steps so I could give her all the best that I can.. all the best that she deserves in this lifetime.. The first steps are the difficult ones.. and along the way.. it could get tougher.. How I hope it's as easy as how they describe it to be.. But it's not.. It's not easy to be far away from the thing that you love most.. Especially a person like me.. Ann's crazy without the love of her life beside her all the time.. Just thinkin bout it makes me weak already.. I'm like a little kid who's candy's got stolen by a big bully and can't do anything about it..

Sometimes, I think of easier ways to get what we need.. and want for that matter..
Hmm.. but see.. Riane's Mom is far too precious and amazing to be engaging in classic kinds of rubbish

How I envy though.. How I hate a little..
Envy those who chose to be with their family and survive with so little in life..
Hate how the wealthiest chose to be away from their children cos it's just not enough.
I'll be in the middle I guess.. Work.. Life (Riane).. Balance..
How I'm missing out a lot of her.. cos I need to be somewhere else..
We can't depend on anyone but each other.. She depends on her momie, while momie depends on her baby..

Must be that time of the month again.. this shouldn't be complicated.. but you see.. I'm just a mommy who loves her baby so much.. and come to think of it.. yeah.. it is complicated..

It's gonna be tough.. Oh, but I have to be strong.. I've always been strong.. I need to be.. I don't like being apart from her.. but I have to go for a while.. and i have to want it.. and this ID would buy me some time for us for the mean time.. 7 days of uninterrupted bonding..

Oh God, I'm missing her already..
How she always tries to run after me before I go to work..

"Watch tayo TV anak?"
"Opo.. Sleep tayo Momie? Sleep tayo Momie!"
"I have to go to work na Baby.. Pasok lang Momie.."
"No! Sleep tayo.. Big hugg!"

How I'd try to escape and leave her behind crying and screaming for me everymorning.. How I try to hold it in all the time so I could function at work.. hay..
How my arms hurts a lot cos she wouldn't let me put her down..
It's fine..
It's great..
My muscles are developing.. She's gettin heavier each day..

I'm part of her and she's part of me.. Distance couldn't keep us apart..

I know what I'm doing is a good thing.. God.. it's a good thing right?
It is..
It's a good thing..
It's all for her diba po Lord?
It is.. a good thing.. a very good thing..
God is good..
Lord God.. You'll help us through this right? I love You Lord..
I have to cry it out now.. I have to be strong..
For her..

I love You Lord.. I know You've got my back.. I trust in You.. I'm leaving everything behind for the mean time, so I can build a great future for us both ni Baet.
Deep heavy sigh..

Anyway.. The ID is the easy part.. The scars and the pain should already identify me, shouldn't it?.. What the heck do they need a solo parent ID for anyway?
Can't they tell it's me yet?

Riane My Daughter.. I'm entering an unscripted chapter to the path of uncertainty.. and I think you must know.. that every page is made with the love I feel for you.. With the Lord's guidance and blessings.. I'll make it grand for you and me.. You are My Life sweetie.. You keep me going.. You are my purpose and I will bleed for you.. ~>Momie

Sleepy.. Nyt nyt..