Blessed Bum

I'm playing Tetris Battle currently and a while ago, I was busy with Hidden Chronicles.. I also challenged my classmates to play Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader? Oh my.. This is so nice.. My mom sent my iPhone away to have it repaired since I forcibly and stupidly flushed it down the toilet thinking it was that thing that came out of us women every month. Yes, I was drunk that time. But my point is, after it's fixed, then I would be able to play with it all day. I love computer games you know. My.. This is so wonderful.. I'm taking it all easy. I have all the time in the world to bum around. I've bought lots of DVDs so I could watch them while my baby plays in the room. Pretty much excited to finish the seasons of House too. Weeeeee!!!

My Riane is sleeping right at this very moment. She was playing too a while ago. Messed the room and I thought I'd let her do it every once in a while. She kinda over did it though. She rubbed baby lotion all over her face and body and rolled all over the floor.. She ate her powdered milk and spread it all over the table and licked it afterwards. Well, this is a baby proof room and I don't keep chemicals whatsoever in here, so I thought it was fine. And besides, the floor is well kept clean by my very OC partner, Crein. I kinda lost it though and yelled "RIANE!!" when she threw the milk out of the canister like she's throwing it out into the ocean. She then ran in panic towards the bed and hugged me and touched my face ever so sweetly.. saying..
"Sorry na Momie huh? Wak moko aaway huh?"
"Aww.." you might react..
Nope, not an aww-moment for me, since the lotion and the powdered milk were well mixed all over her hands.. Yes.. rubbed it in my face.. slowly.. gently..
Ohh.. Riane.. Just hugged the fury out of me.

My partner told me I was blooming since I quit my job. Well, I guess I can say I'm prettier than while I was working. I also had my hair coloured and rebonded. My partner's always excited to see me. I guess I couldn't blame her. Haha! Kidding..

I wish I'm rich with money though, so I could buy more time to burn on quality moments such as these. I know time flies real fast and my baby will grow up pretty soon.. I wish and pray to God that I could be there for her every step of the way. Well.. with money.. lots and lots of it.. tons of it.. I could buy time for myself so that I don't miss out on every minute of her growth. I'll be there on her first day at school and she doesn't feel like going.. when she's confused.. i'll teach her everything she needs to know about life.. happiness.. sadness.. i'll be there on her first heartbreak.. and maybe kill the guy who hurt her afterwards.. lol..

It's funny thinking about how my trip to Singapore turned out to be. I was almost convinced by a friend to work there. I was planning to quit my job anyway and I was offered all expense paid accommodation and food for a month or two if in case I ever decide to pursue looking for a job there. Great offer, maybe I will.. Maybe I won't.. I haven't given it some serious thoughts until March came. The jitters where all over me.. This is it.. I've finally quit my job and I'm gonna be a full time mom.. Hang on.. I need to decide too.. An opportunity has just presented itself.. Yeah, hang on.. I might give it a try.. So there, I was so sure I was going to do it.. I mean like work there..

So I flew.. I went there. I toured.. I took pictures.. I had fun all afternoon.. But then.. on that very first night.. before I went to bed.. Actually, I was on the floor on a thin mattress and I could actually feel the peas.. lol.. I had my lappy on a while ago and had just finished video conferencing with my partner and my baby.. I was so f*ing paranoid and definitely unease.. I've came to realize.. Is this really how I would've wanted things to be?? Would I willingly blindfold myself to take a shot at an unknown target? Did I lure myself on another gamble, which by the way, I despise doing? Am I that pathetic to lurk for luck elsewhere, when all the blessings I need is right back at home? I mean, He's good anywhere but.. Do I really need to go through all these? WTF am I doing? I'm not desperate?! I don't want to be away from my daughter. I quit job my job so we could be together often and you know.. just maybe work some other time. I was almost about to cry and I couldn't sleep that night, so after a few days I told my friend that I'm not gonna do it anymore. And she was a bit upset cos she really thought I'd live with them and we can pay for the rent together and all that planned ahead of her.. with me in it. Honestly, for me it was a bit of an awkward discussion.

Just now, I was checking for grammatical errors while reading out this blog entry(*) out loud. And as I do.. an amazing thing just happened.. Riane uttered..
"Mami.. you are happy!"
Well.. imagine that..

So anyway.. I tried to enjoy the last few days of my stay in Singapore and oh my.. it was a beautiful country. So clean and indeed a great place to bring up children. I bought a lot of stuff and I never regret purchasing each item. It was a great feeling shopping for pasalubongs I was on the webcam with my baby and my partner almost 24/7. I couldn't wait to get back home.

The truth is, I do want a better life but not away from the love of my life. God has indeed given me so much that I couldn't ask for more. In fact, He's been consistently blessing me and I couldn't be more grateful. I guess, I was okay just the way I was. I was able to survive without having to beg for help. I was okay without having to manipulate others to respect me. I was just fine and Riane is growing up with all the love and care that she deserves during this stage of her life. And more to come, by the way.. from Momie

Going away for 10 days has been a great learning experience for me. The most important thing is that, I'm not about to leave my daughter behind just so someone else could be a mother to her while I try to be a father. I guess my life could be better.. but I'm certain that it will only be as long as I have her here with me. Ugly truth though, I have to go back to work soon since my savings will run out eventually.. and I wouldn't have anywhere to pull out money from. Can't rely on anyone really. One thing is for sure.. My life is for Riane and I won't let her down.. and I know.. God is with me on that one too.

So far.. So good a start..

Where's a good pen when you need one. I missed blogging. Grabe..what a week. I didn't know I would be spending my first week like that.

New year's eve, went to the apartment of my friend with some guys from work to celebrate the birthday of one of them. Went there twice already, the first time was a bit scary cos it was really close to a place where I wouldn't wish to be found dead. Enjoyed the day and my co-workers were a bit carried away by the whole situation I was putting them into. I was teasing everyone and playing cupid to..haha! Basta.. Lahat sila.. tawa ulet.. haha! Kaso.. ako una naka tulog.. Ayon, when I woke up it was 11:30 na.. I jumped out of the room and immediately.. ran downstairs pero ala talagang masakyan sa 711. I went back up and took the opportunity to welcome 2009. I was there sa terrace and nag tatalon like crazy. Sarap ng feeling sumabay sa ingay. After that, I headed home. Sobrang scary yung daan.. It was my first time to see the streets of Manila like that. Hardly any cars. No human in sight..hehe.. It was like a real life Silent Hill eksena.. Yung driver pa medyo eerie looking.. joke lang..

Upon landing home.. Quick XOXO from the family, a quick bath and quite a lot of time enjoying the food. Hmm.. I headed for work afterwards.. and that is where it all began.. huh? anu daw?

I have no complains towards my work. There may be foul-speaking callers.. A little trouble navigating my way through the computer.. may not know how to solve every single inquiry.. A lot of stutters and dead air.. Hmm.. I'm quite getting the hang of it naman.. Especially when you get to spend it with people who are very interesting and fun to be with.. (parang highschool.. "fun to be with" ba hehe).

I thought. 2008 was full of surprises and a lot of things from that year, broke me off into pieces. I was a bit out of focus for a while and my life's direction was bound to nowhere. I have been looking at my life from a historian's point of view. I got so clingy to the memories and I couldn't help recalling every single detail even if most of them were "uncool" and not that healthy for me.. crazy thing is.. I tend to crave for more information and the more hurtful the blah-blah is.. the more I lingered and savor the moments. Nyaks.. eng-eng talaga noh? Parang..
"Sige! Saktan mo pa ko!!!" hehe..

I never hated that year though.. There are a lot of unobvious blessings that came along with all the bitterness. Old friends still there no matter what.. New crazy friends.. my Family.. being the family that they are.. A job that suits my lifestyle.. at meron pang iba.. You know what they say.. "When one aspect in your life starts to fall apart.. another part blossoms.." yan ba yun sabi nila?.. sabi ko lang ata yan.. Basta something like that..

I have fallen into a pit wherein I have allowed myself to be ravished by creatures of the unknown.. (lalim..)
I have been very unfair to myself..

"I'm sorry myself.." hehe..

I think it's time to get a hold of my emotions. It is my worst enemy, you know. And now that I am okay.. and so intouch with my happiness.. lagot.. mag kaka meron akong bagong kaaway.. It's my wild side.. the naughty and playful girl who always has a way of contending with the angel that I am.. and also.. Since I'm single and I have a young heart.. hala na.. See.. the thing is.. I love beer.. and when I've had too much of it.. I'm like Charlie Baileygates.. familiar ba? basta.. Kaya nga it's nice to be around guys that you can trust yourself with.. People who will respect you.. even if you try to violate them.. Hay..

Off the record.. (at i-publish mo.. patawa..).. Hmm.. Panu ba..

Let me tell you something serious..

I know a girl kasi.. She's been very different lately..

Teka.. Hmm.. Ganto na lang..

Deep is the reverie of one so fair,

Body so fragile with just a defiant stare,

Temptress as defined by her character,

Fiery is the soul and self's in danger.

Is there a way of controlling the passion?
For the heart can't face its destruction,
The laity may condemn and derive,
An angle why love may not survive.

Currently evasive and a bit hesitant,

Caroused and quite flamboyant,
Keeping distance for a possible affliction,
Venture in focus and self preservation.

Joke lang.. Just trying to sound smart.. wag na ituloy kaka bashful.. Huuiy.. ang hirap when your vocabulary is very limited.. I could not imply what I want to.. Hayaan na nga natin yan.. Mukha naman may sense diba.. So basically.. I just wanted to say.. I don't want to be bad.. (labo noh?)

Anyway.. I'm welcoming New Year 2009.. I hope this one is more prosperous.. as well as the years to come..

Lord, thank you po for being the Father that You are to all of us.. I know that everything You do.. You do it because You love us.. Paki ingatan po yung mga taong nag mamahal sa family ko.. Please keep my family and friends safe.. Help me to excell in what I do.. or at least be better.. Thank you for everything and Dear God.. Wag ka po mapapagod saming lahat huh.. Lalo na sakin.. I know I can be very maldita at times.. But you know.. Mahal din naman po kita eh.. See You later..

I'm a bit troubled

My cat just gave birth to three more kitties. Ang tataba..hehe.. But she's sick. She wont let her babies get their milk. She's not feeling well. Get well soon Pus-Pus..

And.. Someone from work.. Bein really showy.. Bout feelings.. Getin a little bit awkward and uncomfortable.. Can't give anything but friendship, really.. Nice person though.. Galante din.. hehe.. Not interested pa naman kasi.. Kahit kanino..

Plus.. I got a stalker.. Been calling me sa celphone.. gona post the numbers here pag tumawag ulit.. two nights in a row sha tumawag.. Land line na meron pang text.. Hmm.. Weird.. Di nagsasalita.. Nag text din.. Pwede naman mag pakilala, pero hindi eh.. Basta..

Plus.. Plus.. I don't wanna miss a thing.. You know..

Aaahhhshit!

Mamamatay na ba ko? Bakit ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko.. Hmm.. When kaya.. Wawa naman yung soulmate ko pag nawala na ko now.. Di man lang kami mag kikita..

Hmm.. I need to go out.. See you guys around..

The one where I was late..again

***A couple of minutes ago, I was feeling a little bummed, cos I was late and I was given a written warning..weeehh..I'm so0o0o0h scared? Like I couldn't live a day without a job? huh! I've been cooling my heels for a long time..and was quite enjoying every moment of it. It's like I'm trained for nothing. That is what I am extremely good at! So don't even try to frighten me with some stupid written warnings!

No, seriously..I was so scared..terrified even. Why is that? Maybe because I was late for three consecutive days without any abiso. I am so much loving this life. Where else can I find a much more perfect job for me than this? Something that compromises my every whim. One where I am paid for doing nothing, but smile and be pretty..(kidding)..I mean, this job is a great start for me.

Kasi naman eh! I am trying to change my daily habits..but it seems that my procrastination always has a way with me. I can't keep doing things like these. I'm such an anile young girl. Acting as if I have a 50 ton weight of ass.. I mean mass..Can't lift up my booh-tey every time I wake up in the morning...... Now, that I'm thinking bout it..it's so nice to sleep all day, especially whenever it is raining outside and the pillow is so soft and cuddly..and there's a silky sheet beneath my feet..aaww..how I envy hibernating animals..They would eat what they can.. sleep anytime they want to..and wake up whenever they feel like it..

NOOOOHH!!

Got to snap out of it. Can't be like this forever dear. I know life is beautiful and sleeping is so0o0o0ohuhuh go0o0d..but you'll get there..we'll all get there! You know..the eternal REST! huh!? Every sleeper's dream!! Where..Nothing! No one can ever wake us up! Not ever.. oh God.. I'm right. That was just off the top of my head..yaiyks!! I made such a perfectly smart and..scary sense just now..

So all I have to do is..think! Whenever I am asleep..I am dead! And I can't be dead that long. I have to be alive and I have to live. Or else I will be dead in a couple more minutes and by the time I rise from my death..I may have missed a lot of things..Including my job. I can't die all the time.. haah!! Stop making sense already!

I just got to put my mind to it then.....breathe in..(actually breathe)..breathe out..hmmm..(actually breathe out) haay..

WAKE UP EARLY!

KEEP TRACK OF THE TIME!!

DON'T BE LATE!!

..please Roan!! Please lang!! Gumising ka ng maaga!!