Flash Fact (and a couple of disclaimers)

"I felt good when I ate shrimp this morning. It relieved my stress. It made me happy. What seems to be so little to others could be a great deal for you even when you least expect them. I hope there are more shrimp out there for me to eat. I really want to be happy.." -a phrase I took out from my unpublished post I've been drafting in my blog.

All the single ladies!! Put yer hands up!
Spot me on the edge waving two.. haha..

A friend and I were textin some time ago and we were both talking about how we are over the top so single.. and sharing all the advantages and a lot more stuff that single people do and say to make themselves feel better about their singleness, when they know for a fact it isn't that much cool.. and they dream of their ideal person all night long, hugging the pillow wishing dumating na daw.. may pa sana-sana pa.. may pa tear-tear pa ang mga mata.. nag pe-pray pa hanggang makatulog na sila.. haha!! yuhks!!

Haha! Sakit ng tyan ko kakatawa mag isa.. haay.. Sarap kausap sarili ko noh? I enjoy myself really.. Hehe.. Pero.. Sorry naman.. hindi naman po ako ganon.. Nai-imagine ko lang.. I have other means naman eh.. of making myself happy.. hmm..

I'm thankful though, that even if I don't have someone to call my own.. I have my friends. I can have one in an instant, cos I make it a point that my intentions are sincere and real. My siblings are great.. We've been getting a lot of bonding.. Even at the dinner table, we talk about everything we can think of.

Plus there are fellas who wish they could own me.. Ayoko pa talaga eh.. Eto sila.. Check em out.. (you know it's the other way around.. hehe..)

Here are the guys that I often fantasize about..

Grabeh! Ang hirap naman neto.. Sobrah.. Grabe naman talaga.. Hooh!! Break me off a piece from each.. Raaarrr!! Do I have great taste or what?!!

Check out the eyes..!! Mapapa.. ummph! ka talaga! Sh*t!

Oh.. great..

What's happening to me. Have I quit? Have I already enjoyed my singlehood? Am I done? What a quick one. Am I looking for the one? No f-ing way! Yuhks.. Bleh!

Admitted: Confused and quite hungry for guys as such.. Grabeh nman talaga.. whew.. Isa pa.. Aaaahh!!

Compiled a couple of pro's and con's just to help me out.. It's all good.. Be the judge

Single (yey!)

• I can do whatever I like!I can go out and tease as much as my heart desires, without the strange package called complications brought about by such emotional endeavour.
• Not having to deal with and keep trying to figure out what's in his/her mind.
• I don't have to text or call anyone about my whereabouts worried he/she may get mad at me.
• If I would get bitter, sad and seemingly helpless about what the world seems to be doing at me.. I no longer have to worry about wheather the he/she would stop and notice and hope I would be comforted without imposing.
• Would be able to get free drinks at bars.. without spending a cent.. you know how it goes.. just like old times.
• I can have MALE friends without having to be defensive.. ending up convincing him/her there is really nothing else going on.
• No more harsh languages and foul words that one tends to tolerate everyday.
• I can buy gifts for my family and friends and meeh.. most especially.
• No one to put me on a tiny pedestal knowing that I could fall off of at any second
• No more complains about being taken for granted.
• No worying.. Troubled.. Bothered by the fact that he/she is still not home! Or what the heck is happening to him/her.. is he/she in trouble?? Is he/she safe?? haaahh!! None of those!
• No more sadness or crying when the person needs to go home.. boo-hoo.. muwi ka kung gusto mo!!
• I'm free at parties or bars to talk to anyone.. whom I please to and choose to.. not having to to turn away and pretend that I don't appreciate good looks.
• No more headaches from thinking about what gift to buy for a surprise.. when I, don't even like surprises.
• No more checking to see if it's okay' to accept or decline an invitation. You can say "sige, tara!" on the spot.
• I can be happy with who I am and not who he/she wants me to be.
• No more lies and cheating and promises meant to be broken.
• You can eat garlic or onions without a second thought about some lip locking and a lot of tounge action.
• Computer games and the remote control is mine.. ALL MINE!
• If I clean up my room, it will stay that way until I mess it up again.
• Not to worry if he/she will or won't call or text.
• No more arguments, headaches and fighting about things none could explain.
• No more reassuring "Am I the only one?"
• No more jealousy and insecurities!

Inlove and Taken (eew.. sige na nga)

• Ah.. the loneliness. No more loneliness during rainy days, out of towns and valentines day.
• No more being out of place when all your not-so single friends take a couples night out.
• The ecstatic feeling of welcoming and farewell hugs and kisses.. haay.. (fweh!)
• Have someone claimed to be loved.. hold yer hands and touch yer face.. wohoo!! (eew..)
• Having someone to agree with me all the time.. nice diba..
• Think about the warmth of the physical presence brought about by someone who cares deeply for you and at the same time you care deeply about too.. hmm
• The thrill of coming home and running over the phone staring at it while asking everyone if it already rang or did he/she already called.
• You'll be able to brag over single friends that you've finally found The One and that you are so much loved.. having them irritated with how you consistently share how happy and in love you are with each other.. haha!
• No more sinking feeling when you're lost and you don't know where you are. You can be lost anywhere with that person.
• When unwelcome guests comes in to the picture..(crawling things) One could always have him/her remove them or shu them away from you..
• I could always pick a good shoulder bag that would match his/her outfit.. hehe.. Since they always want to carry things for you..
• Someone to show off cooking skills learned from the heart that wishes to win the other through his/her stomach.
• Good arguments and informative debates and yet..the love and respect never fades.
• One would always have someone who'd take care of you when sick or nag baby-babyhan..
• It's always nice having people praise how you look at each other and how everyone sees the chemistry between the the two of you too..
• Having someone kiss your feet.. arms.. kili-kili and places no other is allowed to go to..
• Appear! Having someone with the same outlook in life as yours.. having him/her say the same thing.
• Quality time and a lot of good talks.. Unlimited flirting and teasing..
• Have someone fight for you when some other disrespects you..
• Not minding the scars endured from a past not too healthy to even think about, because you have someone who clearly sees you as perfection..
• The anticipation of doing it.. where ever you wish to..

There are a lot people I have spoken with regarding the best things being single could bring about to their lives.. They told me they would want to stay that way forever.. What a load of hypocritical cr*p. I know some people actually enjoy being single.. At the moment.. But would it be like that forever? I don't know, really. Sure.. Eventually, you will have this chilling coldness within your whole spirit and your spine and you would just wish..you have someone who loves you to the core. It's okay to enjoy being single when you're young, but when a single person reaches a certain age. They get scared and terrified about the fact that they will grow old alone. The tendency is for them to make a diversion or a distraction that would make them believe that being single is actually better than being in a relationship.

Fact: Everybody needs somebody. It's not about who.. It's all a matter of when.. When the heart may be ready, anyone who is around you could be the one.. The other just needs to find the perfect place.. and the perfect time.. And let the chips fall where they may..

...

I needn't know everything. I needn't have to be excellent on many field, I understand that I should be good enough though.

I have to learn how to use punctuations. I have to learn how to consolidate everything I am seeing right now. I'm helpless. I don't want to fight back. My little red blood pumpin organ may not be able to handle another ache some time soon.

Pain is a sign of life. Good Lord.. I am so0o0o unbelievably alive then? haha.. Nah.. It's not that painful.. It's kinda aching though.. Huwhaat??!! no0oh!! Pain? yah.. let it hit me.. Too much of it could kill you though.. Could be true for those who is scared of dying. Yeah, I could die later. Just want to enjoy everything while it lasts.. While it's here.. Hurt me! Hurt me real good!!

I'm being too irrational. I don't know what I'm doing to myself. Really. Come to think of it.. Have I ever been sure?? haha..

Heavy hearted.. Couldn't talk.. Oops.. What's that? Fell right out from my eyes.. haha..

Hate rainy days? How could I.. Been getting the hang of it lately, wasn't I?

It's quite a f*cked up world.. You end up getting a dose of your own medicine.. Quite a lot of it in return.. Sooo knowingly try to enjoy but at the same time resist.. Too much of every f*ckin pill kills.. When you think you know everything.. You come up with the most stupid decisions in the world.. You think about the most shallow excuses and try to put profound logic on the statements..

When a prey is hunted.. does it run right through the bullet from a gun shot by the hunter?

Does it crawl up the predator's mouth and smile stupidly until it notice its death?

It doesn't..

Shouldn't I.. f*cking tell myself that I need to stop getting carried away by blissful situations for such emotional turmoil.. huhu.. is and would always be a hazard to my pathetic little self.

What's wrong with me.. PMS? haha! You think?! I really hope it's just that.. And I do hope it is! Wohooh..

Crazy!

Girl, you're messed up! Everybody lies.. Haven't you learned so far? They don't care.. It's easier for them to tell you stuff that ain't true! They'll eventually find reason to break you off into crumbs that you, yourself, wouldn't lick off the floor. F*cking PMS.. I really hope it's just that.. haha!

Help..

I have to be strong.. I can't.. I wont.. haha.. I sure don't

Just when you thought you don't..

You end up realizing you do..

Then you do whatever it is that you can, to prove it ain't..

And it is shoved up to your face realizing it is..

You try to hate..

But turns out.. You can't..

And you won't..

Will I?

Am I?

Here we go again..

You win..

Rated PG

I feel like writing today. I have a lot in mind I want to talk about. But then, what am I doing.. my mouth goes.. blah.. blah.. blah.. but my mind says something else.. hmm..

I went home early today. My everyday itinerary shows otherwise. See, what happens is I get so accustomed to a particular habit and whenever I get very comfortable, I find it hard to change them.. I'm not saying it's impossible.. i did said it's hard.. Everyday I set my clock to 19:00 hours.. the tone of the alarm is from Beyonce's - Single Ladies.. I have gotten immune to the sound though.. so I miss the alarm everyday.. I wake up to the beat of my very carefree heart.. rushing my fat b*tt down the stairs.. dragging my still sleepy head into the bathroom and a lot hesitant to pour the water on my still warm body.. (yahks.. ang ginaw eh).. I then quickly grab anything I could find from the closet and throw on the bed those that I couldn't find comfortable to wear. If there's still 30 minutes on the clock, I two blocks from home to take the jeepney for work.. If there's 20 minutes, I could still find time to pick a nice taxi cab down the block and be able to blow dry my hair in the office.. If there's 15 minutes, I run like the wind and grab the nearest cab.. bring my toothbrush and comb my hair in the cab.. If there's 10 minutes left.. I'm in deep trouble.. Nine hours of work.. less the lates.. less the lunch and breaks.. less the over breaks.. less the avail times.. hay.. how could I do this to my work.. Why was I made this way? Yah.. blame it all on others.. hehe.. Sorry.. Joke lang po.. I know I could change.. I just need to be very.. hmm.. very.. dedicated? hmm.. I know I am.. I try to please people I talk to.. (no fair huh.. that's not even difficult for me).. hmm.. I guess.. I have to push myself further.. Be punctual.. whoever invented such word.. must be enjoying himself seeing me struggle.. troubled with the thought of how I could comply with it.. haha.. I know it's important.. I just have to find ways I could enjoy being early.. as the bird.. whoever said birds aren't late?? hooh! headache!

I was supposed to be watching the original Planet of the Apes, 1968 version. I was really looking forward to rekindling the very first times I remembered I was a flick addict.. haay.. good old days.. good old lazy days.. I miss procrastinating.. I miss hanging out with my good friends doing nothing but think about "hmm.. anu kayang magandang gawin.." haay.. those good old days.. nothing compares to those idle moments.. times when you couldn't give a d*mn about what others are doing.. or thinking.. when people don't talk about you.. cos nobody's around to blab about your whereabouts.. cos everyone is too busy to mind you.. only the parents nags.. and it doesn't matter.. cos they're gonna do it again tomorrow and your ears memorized everything it heard.. you could just compose a song about how they consistently nag you.. the good thing is.. they don't hurt.. as much as gossips.. Anyway.. I really couldn't care. I've had worse than gossips.. These little things couldn't kill me.. I started giving everyone the benefit of the doubt a long time ago anyway.. There are people that I just don't stand a chance with.. Those who are the pretenders.. the ones who trick people.. Those I couldn't really figure out.. to h*ll with them..

Happy place..

Happy thoughts..

Okay...........................

Earlier, I was feeling a bit sick. I didn't feel like going to work. I was a bit floating and a bit troubled about what I have been doing to myself lately. An alter-ego was playing its part with my rarely appreciated self. See.. I've recently had a very exciting getaway lately.. My friend and I went to Puerto Galera the last weekend. I've spent my weekend expanding my knowledge and opening up to a whole new world of escapades. Hmmm.. CJ, is a friend from work.. She's like my best gal friend in the office. Twas fun having her around while I was really drunk and sleepy.. hehe.. I've spent the day with a very special person.. One whom I felt really comfortable with.. someone who's behind me lately.. Someone whom if I couldn't even see.. I thought.. would still be there..

"..would it be wrong to look in the eyes, see them stare.. see right through them.. the little grin.. they rocked my world.. turned me around.."

..sounding a bit sexual am I not? hehe.. totally not sounding.. let's just say.. I'm a new soul.. a bit hardcore and wild on the outside at times.. but still soft in the inside.. sometimes I wonder.. should everything be superficial.. there's more to life than what meets the eye.. but if the eyes makes one feel for the heart.. then.. could the eyes make life beat as how one sees everything.. another shallow thought from someone confused about what the world is throwing at her.

I really couldn't figure out myself right now.. could anyone help me clear things.. I'm so not aware of where I currently am. To sum it all up.. I guess.. everything is reciprocated in a way.. the heart plays it's part.. the eyes does too.. It's all a matter of how the mind balances everything..

Could it be.. hmm.. I wonder..

Gonna rest my eyes a bit.. Let the body talk.. We'll figure this out..

Birthday wish

I am 26.. but I feel so young at heart.. I thank those who sent out their greetings for me.. Those who called.. Those who texted.. Those who posted on my friendster.. Those who tried to reach me.. My family.. My bestest friends.. Friends from work.. People who cares.. (or so I think).. People who were with me no matter what..

Wish.. Wish.. Wish..

Hmm.. Gotta think of something.. Hmm..

Everyone makes wishes.

I, personally, don't believe in wishes.. Lame thoughts to justify idleness and procrastination.. Detaching one's soul from the real world and dragging one's booh-tey in a utopia where things seems to be unreachable.. unattainable. Not saying wishing is bad.. It's just that.. I believe people could make things happen. If there is drive and hunger.. And when I want to make things happen, I don't take cr*ppy stuff from other people anymore.. or things they say.. things they may think of you.. It hinders me from making things REALLY come into occurrence.. for people I'm trying to protect.. and myself as well..

What I'm trying to say is..

One needn't "WISH", but "HOPE".. that things gets better some time soon.

Great difference between them.. Just wanted to make myself clear.. hehe..

My life isn't complicated really. Not asking for any of those.. Thank you.. And could I really even ask for anything more.. No hatred in this heart.. No heavy feelings.. I am happy.. God has truly blessed me.. Didn't He? I'm so happy, could I just die right now.. No.. too soon.. hmm.. perhaps 70 years from now.

Do I really want to die old? I don't think so. I'd gladly die for my family though.. And people worth dying for.. I will chose to die trying to fight for what I love doing.. Life is grand.. My death should be dramatic.. I want to die in a time wherein a very poetic scenario may take place.. and I was the hero of some sort.. or was able to touch thousands of lives.. or even millions.. I want to establish a climactic ending in my very own little fantasy world. An ending wherein I was able to fulfill my destiny.. my grandiosity and my true purpose. Have I lived out my purpose yet? Not that I know of..

Come closer then..
Let me touch your life..
Got a little bit of something for everyone..
A hug perhaps..
It's free..
Just one hug from everybody..
For little ol' me..

Entertaining my thoughts..

March.. My month. My time. My birthday is coming up. Had a good start already. I'm starting to feel the old Roan coming into life. She died six years ago you know. Now that she's resurrected. She's not about to murder herself once again. All the confidence is starting to grow back. Feeling a lot younger and a lot happier.. Thanks to people who knows one's worth and all the respect one deserves. I'm giving back all they deserve as well. It's just that.. I have realized something so useful today. I learned it from a person I met. All the fears I was getting from him.. All the arguments he won with the support of his incorruptible stands in life.. All the defenses stressed out by my system provided that it was just a healthy conversation and turns out.. It was a mere display of him wanting to complicate things. Gave a great impact on me, with his beliefs in life. I thought.. heck.. He's right.. When someone wants something.. Why can't we just give it to them. Let everyone win.. and for someone like me who gets the sickest pleasure knowing someone is not bothered by your presence and knowing he's winning and somehow you know inside you're letting him.. oh whao.. who could possibly lose. But he can't be the only one given that kind of gift. You know.. The ability to be honest and not be condemned for it. Cos hey.. At least he's honest right? Now, why didn't I thought of that before. No promises.. No commitments.. Nothing really.. I've thought.. Just pure happiness.. right?? Nah.. Let's add up complications along with it.. and the fact that you understood each other.. That's all that counts.. He's absolutely right.. With all the beauty this world could offer.. A lifetime isn't enough to enjoy half of it. Just make like a parasite and move on to the next one. Search and destroy philosophy.. Whao.. Kind of.. leaving me with a simple and yet.. inspiring thought.. Never make promises for they are made to be broken by people like me who has a much deeper purpose in life. It's all coming clear to me. Be liberated why don't we.

Anyway.. just entertaining my thoughts.. hehe.. No glory really..

Had another crazy siesta the other day, Saturday, I think. I've been sober again for the millionth time. Did not planned on going, but my feet was seemingly drawing me to the direction where the beers were all over the place.. a whole deal of fun you wouldn't want to miss.. Plus.. a valid invitation was sent out to yours truly. Beer.. Such a tempt. I couldn't stop myself from pumping out the inner maldita in me. The situation was really calling for it. See.. what happened was I like this person.. Sobra.. But since I am a good judge of character and all that.. So are other girls. I'm not the only one who knows a real deal when I see one. Got a lot of competitions not to be blinded by my confidence and all that.. You know.. Ngee-yao!! kkksshhh!! (that's me sounding like an angry kitty..haha!) Wait.. Nothing to be jealous about.

I have had enough of the jealousy in the world and I needn't trouble myself with uncomfortable feelings it may plant upon my already malfunctioning brain.

New prospectives were given the gift of the chance to be accompanied by the greatest people from my work place. I was blessed to be with them from time to time, you know.. Smart and really inspiring people. I couldn't care about how long my work span would last within the company that I'm currently working for. But there's the fact that another reason I am trying to improve my performance is so that I could be with them much longer. I believe few are lucky enough to have co workers who is as great as the people I work with. Or perhaps, I am feeling this cos I came from a h*llish relationship that everything that comes along is so grand.. haha!

Kisser should I label myself.. What the heck is wrong with a single person kissing people she feels like kissing.. especially when they're comforting kisses laid on the cheeks of people whom you feel like needing them.. Plus.. you adore them dearly. Would it even be my fault? Should my wanting to be really sweet justify their being bothered by it.. Momie.. help.. Considering those playful minds.. Perhaps.. They could be who they are.. but I couldn't?! Haay.. Should I be a key ingredient to eliminate doubts in this world.. Should I chose to play tricks on their minds, and later have them proven wrong.. they will then won't give a care in the world of what others may lay upon them next time. Know what.. I wouldn't.. I believe they are depriving themselves of the magic of friendship. Tagging everything with malice and ambiguity. I guess that's one price every man has to pay having the gift of that little heads attached in between their sexy thighs.. connected to a much more useful and magnificent head that couldn't be superior when an obvious situation comes in front of them.. Let little humper do all the thinking.. (doesn't sound right.. hehe..)

Moving on..

Let me tell you what I know about them.. four guys I know.

Monsieur Compliqué

The title describes him.. as per claimed. He is a smart opinionated guy who wants to make others think about stuff. Things that doesn't matter at one point would seem to when he starts talking about it. He makes perfect sense all the time, it becomes irritatingly agreeable. He, at one time, told me that I was a coward. Talk about wanting to make things happen. He's pretty good at making someone, who's really good at reading between the lines, understand such complicated things? I thought I could make things happen.. Until I met him.. Well, my defenses are far too solid for him to subconsciously change them for me.. Or so I think.. waaahh.. He's the type of person who could get away with words. My opinion (which may seem of no importance to smart guys like him) I think people make things complicated so to divert the things that are obvious from the reality of everything that isn't. Talk about stuff huh..

The Warrior (..is a child)

I don't know how else to call him. There's no dull moment everytime you spend time with him. If laughter is the best medicine.. I would prescribe him to you.. That or I'm just really shallow. My bhud, he seems to stick up to his laid-back image. He acts as though he's the heavy hitter..lady-killer type of guy. When I know for sure that deep inside.. he's just like a little boy who seeks for special appreciation just like every other guy I know. The more others notice him.. the more satisfaction he gets from it.. Which is, by the way, not at all that bad. We don't know.. that he comes running home when he falls down.. We don't know who picks him up when no one is around.. He drops his sword and cries for just a while.. Cos deep inside his armour.. The warrior is my bhud.. hehe..

Mr. Fair and Square (Yah.. whatever)

I don't know how to bluntly describe him. All I know is that what you see is what you get. If you don't see it.. Then you don't get it.. hehe.. Be keen.. Be wise.. It's all in the eyes.. It's all in front of you.. Now whatcha gonna do? Nice noh? I just thought about that. Anyway.. He's got his own funny side like The warrior and partial seriousness from Mr. Complicated. He talks to a friend with a balance from his mind and from his heart. He tells you what you need to know and suggest stuff on what you can do. Wait.. finding my descriptions a bit ironic, knowing for a fact that his job is to.. somewhat as I have described him.. haha.. He mentioned one time, that I'm different from when we're discussing stuff from work and when we're all goofing around. I wonder if he preffers me googing around when he's in an earnest mode.. You see.. He may tend to joke bout stuff.. But one could easily tell when he's serious or not.. That is, if you could only read people.. I couldn't see him getting angry though.. Hmm..

His Eminent

And so he came.. Smile..

Everyone looks up to him. Everyone respects him. Smart people are intrigued by him.. I know, I am.. (Not that I'm smart or anything..) Most are fascinated by everything he does.. His walk.. I heard someone commend his booty once.. haha.. When he talks.. Everyone listens. He's cute when he stutters though.. Especially for a guy who seems to know anything.. About everything.. All the great qualities ideal to ones imagination.. He's sweet and really sensitive about other's feelings. Great job parents! Make more of his kind.. Seems running out of HIMS.. haay.. I know someone who cheers up everytime his face flashes in front of.. anywhere I guess. He doesn't seem to know his effect on chicas. The scent.. embeded in the soul.. It's not the brand.. It's him.. Been very humble about his very weakening aura.. I wonder.. Did he realize his worth today.. I learned sometime not so long ago.. and I mean.. not so long ago.. This crazy girl wanted a dose of him every single day.. I also learned that the girl finds him really hot and quite a turn on.. yihee.. Could you even blame the girl.. The eyes.. wohoo.. is it hot in here.. aahh.. Tummy ache.. hehe.. Joke! He's so cute when he's makulet.. He's a gentleman.. And a perfect company.. He converses really well.. Very articulate.. Great sense of humor too.. Never fails to make me smile.. There's more to what words could say.. The page ain't enough to describe his wonders.. He's great you know.. Have I mentioned that? Oh.. I forgot.. Wow..

I guess.. I wouldn't know what I really REALLY mean to these guys.

If I won't be on the floor.. Would we still hang out.. Either way.. the business wouldn't be the same without them.. especially without the big boss.. who binds all of us together.. I find it really entertaining how people judge them when they don't even know who these guys really are.. I per se, am very good when it comes to discerning peoples hidden attributes.. and these guys.. they each have greatness thrust upon them.. ones that stands out.. (grin)

Anyway..

Earlier I was crazy.. Then I got perky.. Then.. Now.. I'm confused.. haha.. I wonder why.. Conperky??.. ain't it funny is it just beginners luck (singing?)

No fair making me cry every endth of the month though. Got to revoke the power from something that's not even there. It's not supposed to happen. I have to be happy all the way.

As my momie goes.. "No one has the power to hurt me.. unless I let them". Why am I letting.. huhu.. Why make me cry.. bad you.. huhu.. Actually, I could be happy.. No commitments.. No pain.. No game.. No promises.. hmm.. Could we talk about kisses next time?? I like kisses.. I'm a.. uhmm.. hmm.. I like kisses on the cheeks.. and flying kisses.. and hugs.. from my friends.. what does that make me..

Not making a point. Once again.. I'm lost. Battling with myself. Crazy and stupid actions provided by one so naive trying to sound smart and competent. While as to the truth of life.. I'm just a car without an engine trying to drive and manipulate my own undirected life.

Go to sleep Roan!!