Rated PG

I feel like writing today. I have a lot in mind I want to talk about. But then, what am I doing.. my mouth goes.. blah.. blah.. blah.. but my mind says something else.. hmm..

I went home early today. My everyday itinerary shows otherwise. See, what happens is I get so accustomed to a particular habit and whenever I get very comfortable, I find it hard to change them.. I'm not saying it's impossible.. i did said it's hard.. Everyday I set my clock to 19:00 hours.. the tone of the alarm is from Beyonce's - Single Ladies.. I have gotten immune to the sound though.. so I miss the alarm everyday.. I wake up to the beat of my very carefree heart.. rushing my fat b*tt down the stairs.. dragging my still sleepy head into the bathroom and a lot hesitant to pour the water on my still warm body.. (yahks.. ang ginaw eh).. I then quickly grab anything I could find from the closet and throw on the bed those that I couldn't find comfortable to wear. If there's still 30 minutes on the clock, I two blocks from home to take the jeepney for work.. If there's 20 minutes, I could still find time to pick a nice taxi cab down the block and be able to blow dry my hair in the office.. If there's 15 minutes, I run like the wind and grab the nearest cab.. bring my toothbrush and comb my hair in the cab.. If there's 10 minutes left.. I'm in deep trouble.. Nine hours of work.. less the lates.. less the lunch and breaks.. less the over breaks.. less the avail times.. hay.. how could I do this to my work.. Why was I made this way? Yah.. blame it all on others.. hehe.. Sorry.. Joke lang po.. I know I could change.. I just need to be very.. hmm.. very.. dedicated? hmm.. I know I am.. I try to please people I talk to.. (no fair huh.. that's not even difficult for me).. hmm.. I guess.. I have to push myself further.. Be punctual.. whoever invented such word.. must be enjoying himself seeing me struggle.. troubled with the thought of how I could comply with it.. haha.. I know it's important.. I just have to find ways I could enjoy being early.. as the bird.. whoever said birds aren't late?? hooh! headache!

I was supposed to be watching the original Planet of the Apes, 1968 version. I was really looking forward to rekindling the very first times I remembered I was a flick addict.. haay.. good old days.. good old lazy days.. I miss procrastinating.. I miss hanging out with my good friends doing nothing but think about "hmm.. anu kayang magandang gawin.." haay.. those good old days.. nothing compares to those idle moments.. times when you couldn't give a d*mn about what others are doing.. or thinking.. when people don't talk about you.. cos nobody's around to blab about your whereabouts.. cos everyone is too busy to mind you.. only the parents nags.. and it doesn't matter.. cos they're gonna do it again tomorrow and your ears memorized everything it heard.. you could just compose a song about how they consistently nag you.. the good thing is.. they don't hurt.. as much as gossips.. Anyway.. I really couldn't care. I've had worse than gossips.. These little things couldn't kill me.. I started giving everyone the benefit of the doubt a long time ago anyway.. There are people that I just don't stand a chance with.. Those who are the pretenders.. the ones who trick people.. Those I couldn't really figure out.. to h*ll with them..

Happy place..

Happy thoughts..

Okay...........................

Earlier, I was feeling a bit sick. I didn't feel like going to work. I was a bit floating and a bit troubled about what I have been doing to myself lately. An alter-ego was playing its part with my rarely appreciated self. See.. I've recently had a very exciting getaway lately.. My friend and I went to Puerto Galera the last weekend. I've spent my weekend expanding my knowledge and opening up to a whole new world of escapades. Hmmm.. CJ, is a friend from work.. She's like my best gal friend in the office. Twas fun having her around while I was really drunk and sleepy.. hehe.. I've spent the day with a very special person.. One whom I felt really comfortable with.. someone who's behind me lately.. Someone whom if I couldn't even see.. I thought.. would still be there..

"..would it be wrong to look in the eyes, see them stare.. see right through them.. the little grin.. they rocked my world.. turned me around.."

..sounding a bit sexual am I not? hehe.. totally not sounding.. let's just say.. I'm a new soul.. a bit hardcore and wild on the outside at times.. but still soft in the inside.. sometimes I wonder.. should everything be superficial.. there's more to life than what meets the eye.. but if the eyes makes one feel for the heart.. then.. could the eyes make life beat as how one sees everything.. another shallow thought from someone confused about what the world is throwing at her.

I really couldn't figure out myself right now.. could anyone help me clear things.. I'm so not aware of where I currently am. To sum it all up.. I guess.. everything is reciprocated in a way.. the heart plays it's part.. the eyes does too.. It's all a matter of how the mind balances everything..

Could it be.. hmm.. I wonder..

Gonna rest my eyes a bit.. Let the body talk.. We'll figure this out..

Subic

Went to Subic last saturday with my friends..almost 4 hours ang byahe. I didn't know I would be comfortable away from home.. single and uncontrolled. But for the second time around, I was okay with it. The first was when I was in Batangas. I guess that's what comes along when you are being loved and cared for by the people you are with during those uncomfy times. I gotta say. When I was in Batangas, I was so much having fun..so much.. maybe because I have people who wanted me to have fun.. but not in the way that I wanted to nga lang.. hehe.. I had some restrictions non, but that was the best way of having fun right.. yung mga pa-takas.. mejo vulnerable kasi ako during those times and I really wanna let it out on someone.. but in a good way. My best friends were very protective of me and later on ko na isip na.. Haay.. Basta..

In Subic, I had a great time too. I got carried away.. washed away.. by the waves.. Ang saya.. I had so much fun.. *I just hope they know that* We went to an island and it was picturesque and romantic sana.. If only inlove ka diba.. I was kinda wondering why I was not crying. Last time kasi nung nasa Bicol ako.. I cried so much.. May pa hikbi-hikbi pa.. param bata.. I really wanted to go home dati.. Kasi, I felt like I should be spending those moments with someone who has my heart.. This time kasi.. there's no one to go home to.

I had to go home though.. My lola Pinay celebrates her 80th birthday. I actually was not supposed to stay overnight in Subic, but I was kidnapped.. Again.. Ang sweet talaga nila.. Don't you just love it when that happens.. Ramdam mo na your friends want to be with you.. Anyway, I had to cut my trip short.. Family matters eh..

As I was on my way home.. I realized I was alone. Waaaahhh.. It was actually my first time to travel that long.. and alone.. I was literally crying in the bus. I texted everyone and I was telling them how much I love them and how I treasure their friendship, I was texting my mom and telling her how much I wanted to be home right at that moment.. I had time to think! I don't want to think! I get very sentimental and serious when I think! I get to be very smart and sensible when left alone with nothing to do but think! ALONE! I don't like sharing stuff with MYSELF! Five hours of flash-backs and you couldn't do anything about it.. I couldn't even sleep because I was up-front on the right side, in a two-seater spot.. with nobody beside me but my cherry coke, my chicken noodle soup and my baggage.. there was no t.v. and the road was lit only by the headlights of the bus.. everything outside was dark and the only person you see is the driver and there wasn't even anybody sitting across my left side.. it was torture! I just wanted to punch my face! I was irritating myself! I was a hazard to myself! I hated it! I hated travelling alone!

Breathe girl.. Hmmm..

At last.. we reached the city.. And there were lights.. haaahh..
My comfort zone.. My haven.. Noisy places and irritating sounds produced by the jeepneys and bars.. It's much better than silence..

I like my smile

Went to Batangas to celebrate the birthday of two of my friends.. Stayed there for three days and two nights. Great view, good friends, great beer..

I'm getting on track.. A little tippy toes somehow, being very careful about the things I'm doing. It's nice to have fun and set aside all the possibilities of hurting other people's feelings, including my own. I need to be protective of my silly little self.. you know.. the little baby girl, very fragile and naive when it comes to love.. aghhh.. Love.. Such a magical word.. Must be careful using them.. It's strong.. It kills.. hehe.. Not the body.. But the bubbly and joyful side of our personality.. Love destroys when without a partner.. You know.. The other half.. What am I saying..

Though there's a little bit of kurot.. I think I'm much better now.. Got a lot of job offers and a lot more stuff awaiting and begging to occupy my mind.. I wont lie.. I was broken but I never felt any galit or hatred.. In fact I want to tell you.. I did loved that.. that person.. Maybe I trully did.. But then.. I was able to forgive.. Able to let go and now.. I'm okay.. Wow.. I'm good.. It takes a lot of courage to move on and I was able to do that.. Wow.. I'm a rockstar!
..Or maybe because I'm starting to have crushes again..

I met someone.. I spent a whole weekend with that person.. Together with some of my friends and some friends nya rin.. Nothin' much to say about this someone.. I'm just excited to share.. This one makes me smile.. You know that kind of smile that you just can't hide and fight from showing.. Hmm.. I can't stop smiling when this person is in my head.. I'm not sure when was the last time I blushed.. But I have been this past week..

And I like it.. And its all because of you.. Take it Neyo.. I love the way it feels.. hmm..

Nothin serious really.. Just havin fun.. Some childish crush I guess.. Hope more of these happy feelings come my way..

Haaayy.. I love my friends.. they love me too.. They protect me.. They put up with me.. They are the best..

"Salamat sa mga offers.. hehe.. But I have my own plans for now.. alam nyo na yon.. Mwah!!"

Nawala na ko sa topic ko.. Anu ba yan.. Basta.. Masaya yung Batangas natin.. Masaya tayo noh.. even with a very little bit of a hassle.. hehe ..It's still all good..

Got a little somethin more to share right here..

I wasn't lying when I said I was happy,
But there are moments when a person misses their story.