Subic

Went to Subic last saturday with my friends..almost 4 hours ang byahe. I didn't know I would be comfortable away from home.. single and uncontrolled. But for the second time around, I was okay with it. The first was when I was in Batangas. I guess that's what comes along when you are being loved and cared for by the people you are with during those uncomfy times. I gotta say. When I was in Batangas, I was so much having fun..so much.. maybe because I have people who wanted me to have fun.. but not in the way that I wanted to nga lang.. hehe.. I had some restrictions non, but that was the best way of having fun right.. yung mga pa-takas.. mejo vulnerable kasi ako during those times and I really wanna let it out on someone.. but in a good way. My best friends were very protective of me and later on ko na isip na.. Haay.. Basta..

In Subic, I had a great time too. I got carried away.. washed away.. by the waves.. Ang saya.. I had so much fun.. *I just hope they know that* We went to an island and it was picturesque and romantic sana.. If only inlove ka diba.. I was kinda wondering why I was not crying. Last time kasi nung nasa Bicol ako.. I cried so much.. May pa hikbi-hikbi pa.. param bata.. I really wanted to go home dati.. Kasi, I felt like I should be spending those moments with someone who has my heart.. This time kasi.. there's no one to go home to.

I had to go home though.. My lola Pinay celebrates her 80th birthday. I actually was not supposed to stay overnight in Subic, but I was kidnapped.. Again.. Ang sweet talaga nila.. Don't you just love it when that happens.. Ramdam mo na your friends want to be with you.. Anyway, I had to cut my trip short.. Family matters eh..

As I was on my way home.. I realized I was alone. Waaaahhh.. It was actually my first time to travel that long.. and alone.. I was literally crying in the bus. I texted everyone and I was telling them how much I love them and how I treasure their friendship, I was texting my mom and telling her how much I wanted to be home right at that moment.. I had time to think! I don't want to think! I get very sentimental and serious when I think! I get to be very smart and sensible when left alone with nothing to do but think! ALONE! I don't like sharing stuff with MYSELF! Five hours of flash-backs and you couldn't do anything about it.. I couldn't even sleep because I was up-front on the right side, in a two-seater spot.. with nobody beside me but my cherry coke, my chicken noodle soup and my baggage.. there was no t.v. and the road was lit only by the headlights of the bus.. everything outside was dark and the only person you see is the driver and there wasn't even anybody sitting across my left side.. it was torture! I just wanted to punch my face! I was irritating myself! I was a hazard to myself! I hated it! I hated travelling alone!

Breathe girl.. Hmmm..

At last.. we reached the city.. And there were lights.. haaahh..
My comfort zone.. My haven.. Noisy places and irritating sounds produced by the jeepneys and bars.. It's much better than silence..