Calling Cupid!!

Most of my blog posts from 2008 are a little bit heart-wrecking. I kind of feel sorry for my old self as I browse through them. So much love to give right there.. and now, it makes me wonder whether I still have more to give. Do I? Have I been trying?

In this lifetime, I recall a lot of cool moments when time surely was passing me by real fast. Pseudo as they call it.. Something that seems to be there and real, and yet, you just couldn't grab a hold of it.. can't seem to put your heart into it.. It's there, both just couldn't take it.
On 2008, during the rockiest of the rockiest of my six year relationship, within The Kimerald Love Story, this happy lang kase seem to have mutated on its own since then. There was this Summer Love Affair, Sassy Girl and just recently Humpy Dumpy Road Trips.. The might-have beens of my life.. hehe.. All left a mark..

Funny and silly, if I may say so myself, the way I have been putting up so much effort dodging Love Shots from Mr. Cupid. I couldn't let him catch me with those frightening arrows. Oh, C'mon dude, one time you hit me with one of those things.. You got my head.. Everything was messed up right there, since then, I've been confusing dreams and reality.. love and hate.. risk and fear.. trust and respect.. tsk.. Been fixing up your mess for a little while now, and I'm doing a very good job at it, no thanks to you.. I think you might be losing your touch little mister match maker. True love, kind of doesn't exist anymore?!? What?? You busy with something else? Yeah, you heard me, Love Bug. I'm talking to you! So the next time you feel like going to work, use your glasses or whatever should help you take a great aim of where that stupid arrow should really go to.. You know where it is right? Yeah, it's right here.. where it beats.. the heart wise guy. So please.. show people that that romantic love thing of yours still works. Fix your crappy arrows and make em work!!

See, here I go again. Something really great is happening to me for some time now.. And I'm afraid I may have to dodge this one too. I have been trying to control my emotions from showing up.. For quite frankly, I don't know if I want it. Oh, crap.. What am I saying?? This is so heavy. This is so confusing. I don’t know what I am actually trying to avoid. I mean, I’m so scared of these things that I’m feeling. Cos every time I get all these rush of electricity within my veins. It always leads to unconditional happiness.. like yesterday.. and the day before that.. and the day before.. yes.. I was getting all that jitterbugs.. all because of this seemingly perfect being.. so contagious too. Being with this person knocks me off my feet. After being together.. I keep smiling all the time.. And I don’t know why.. And I don’t know where I’m going.. And I walk around the house smiling stupidly.. And I don’t seem to understand why I’m holding a screw driver and a soap.. And I tell everybody about this weirdness that kinda feels so good.. And everybody is happy for me.. Gosh.. It’s crazy.. I never actually met anyone from my fantasy.. and yet.. here's one.. who wants to kiss me..

I Wanna Fall

You may have your own reasons for smiling uncontrollably today..

I do too..

Mine's you.. ♥

Yours Truly.. Pisces Girl aka Yoshiko

This Pisces woman is a woman of dreams. Logic rarely exists in her life as she doesn’t really understand it..*callin me naive?!?* Her favorite world is the one she has created herself in her own mind. She has a sweetness that is delightful and can warm up even the coldest hearts. Not many people could refuse a Pisces woman, they are simply just too sweet.. *aren't I?*

These women has a sixth sense, they just seem to know what’s coming next *and you tell me I don't get the logic?* Some people accuse these women of playing mind games, but mostly I believe that it is this extra sense, this added perception that is to blame for this.. *that's right.. perception baby!*

Pisces women are exceptionally sensitive*exceptional.. which means, I am?? go on.. go on..*.. This sensitivity brings an overwhelming kindness and care for others.. *ehh-ehemm!!* They can’t bare to see others suffer and will always try and help out people who aren’t as fortunate as herself.. *ehhhhghhemmm!!* She actually get’s embarrassed if she has been successful in her life and finds herself next to people who aren’t as wealthy as her. *anehh bhaaaa!! ;D*

This lady knows how to please in a relationship. *kitams.. kitams?* She is not pushy or nagging and just wants everyone to feel happy. *KOREK!! too bad for the jerks who didn't get the chance to see that*Seeing her family unhappy will cause her a great deal of pain as she kind of has the attitude that it is all down to her to sort out. *True.. Their burden is my burden..* As a mother she will be soft and sensitive and lovely really. Definitely a parent a child will be able to talk to if their is a problem. They may be worried about upsetting her though. *baet, totoo yan.. I love you so much eh*

The Pisces woman does have a tendency for feeling sorry for herself. If she is not brought out of this it could well lead to depression.. *kaya pala ko mabilis pumayat.. hmm..*Also watch for post natal depression in these women after they have had a child. This woman does have a tough side too. She may look like the perfect angel from the outside but this can change and she can turn into something else altogether, which will undoubtedly shock anyone who is close to this lady as it really doesn’t seem possible. *haha.. sorry naman po.. good girl naman talaga ko eh.. funny thing about the post partum.. It came even before I had given birth.. and do I really look like a Perfect Angel?? hahaha..* But it is, she is a pretty tough cookie under her armour of sensitivity. *awww..* She will get especially riled if she is pulled out from her dream world unwillingly. You have been warned. *haha.. kase naman eh.. i'm willing to go out of my shell.. in due time.. wala kase biglaan..*

And the pictures wouldn't be so difficult to figure out I guess. See yah!

Words from an ex-maldita

I know I may have been a little naughty during my youth, I guess I just couldn't help it. Some people can really push me to my limits you know. What's a girl got to do but to just give it to them as how they asked for it. Let's see if I can pull up some stuff off the top of my head from the days when they used to call me "Miss Maldita"

Warning: Not suitable for the weak hearted.. haha.. And you should be properly equipped to.. You know.. get all that goodies!! =)

1.) Stop the pang a-away sa mga taong merong friends, unless mas mabuti kang friend sa mga friend nila =)

2.) Don't interrupt your enemies when they're making a fool of themselves.. No talks, no mistakes.. Blah.. Blah.. Blah.. =)

3.) If you want WAR, go to IRAQ or better yet, sa BILIBID, for unlimited access sa riot.. plus di ka na matatakot na makulong cos, andun kna =)

4.) Ang panlalait ay nasa lugar. Kung hindi ka maganda, manahimik ka until you are. Nakakahiya naman if lalapit ako seo tapos di ka maka sagot kapag tinanong kita
"So, tingin mo maganda ka na nyan?" =)

5.) If malakas ang kutob mo na di ka maganda but you still feel that you are.. Then good for you.. Nilason ng boyfriend/girlfriend mo at ng mga magulang mo ang utak mo =)

6.) Kung may tapang ka, i-like mo yung mga patama nya seo sa wall nya, tapos sabay comment ng "HAHA! I LIKE IT A LOT" Kung naunahan ka naman, sabihin mo, "Para seo talga yan eh.. hihihi" =)

7.) Stop the name callin cos di ka priest para mag-binyag ng new names sa iba. Cos if anybody could do that, I'd change my last name into.. Villavicencio, Lopez or maybe Cariaso or San Pedro even =)

8.) When you spot na nakatingin seo yung warlaloo mo, flip your uber straight shiny long hair.. then smile at em tapos kindatan mo =)

9.) Eto lang tatandaan mo, kung maldita ka.. mas maldita ko seo =)

10.) The most important thing I could remember are these things: Don't wound something that you can't kill. Never start if you don't intend to finish. Anger is your worst enemy.

Yung ibang advice, sakin na lang yon.. Gumawa ka ng sarili mo.. Malay mo mag-work =)

Hehe.. Joke lang po.. Maldita nya noh? I'm not her anymore. Well, at least, I try not to be. Honestly, I am sorry.. I just can't help it. Really, I'm the sweetest person you'll ever meet, but everyone has their downside I guess. And some people wouldn't stop giving you enough reasons to do such things. Like at the moment, I thought of doing major sabotage to some people whose doing bad stuff to a friend.. well, you know how I am with my friends, I mean what they're doin is just not right. Plus, I'm the best friend anyone could ever have, not only will I give great advices, so great that even I, myself, can't believe it.. but I will also stand up for you no matter what.. be there in the darkest of your days. What can I say, I may not be that punctual all the time, but I know I'll be there, especially when I say I'll be there.

I'm really a good person you know.. And by now, I guess you could just imagine what I'll do for the people I love then.

Stay out of trouble you guys. God bless us all.

Jitterbugs??

Inspired by the picture right here, I finally finished moving in to my very own. My room's got only one window, the cabinets and the flooring are modified, mine has *eh-ehem!* air-conditioning, hehe.. and the bed's a little bit bigger. Oh, and it's pink too by the way. The color that I 've liked since I was a little girl, for reasons I know absolutely nothing about. Well, I mean my favorite color is White, Turquoise, Blue, Aquamarine and shades as such.. but subconsciously, I've been picking out a lot of Pinks lately too.. Talk about trying hard to be girly. I know, it's funny, especially since Pink is the official color of gay people.. haha!

Anyway, It's paint-smellin everywhere still. But.. The room's pretty enough for me. Looking at it though, makes me think about my previous rooms. The ones filled with bitter-sweet memories. Ugh! I moved in from one to another so that I can forget about them. Having this sentimental sh*t over matters really isn't a very good deal for me. It would be really great if only I can move on to new good memories without clingin on to the old ones. Hmm.. but see, looking at this not so very empty room, makes me imagine all sort of dirty little things to put in it. Like a dipey bin.. or a lil trash can for my little one's mess.. haha! No, seriously, how long has it been since I goofed around.. Wow.. Been a while huh?! Well, yeah, I almost had it a couple of times, but I thought, hmm.. I'm not ready yet.. My heart might not be ready too, you know.. Being so fearfull and reserved and all that i'm-so-afraid-to-fall-in-love-again-traumatized classic.. hmm.. But as I've said.. Looking at this room makes me think.. and think.. and think.. Ohhh boy.. and believe-you-me..this mind's so full of brain activities, you just couldn't imagine all that's being downloaded by it.. what goes on inside.

I'm smiling right now, cos one really sweet and cute thought just registered.. wholesome thoughts that is. See, I have a crush.. yeah, real mature of me right??.. I mean, the person's nothin but real sweet to me lately.. when we chat.. asks about my daughter.. reminds me to pray before I go to bed.. advices me to drink vitamins.. even if I don't consume any.. Well.. I'm going all malicious about the things the person's doing to me.. Maybe it's cos I'm seeing myself in that person.. sweet.. thoughtful.. caring.. all that cr*ppy things that doesn't exist in my world at the moment.. Or maybe, I just miss getting all those jitterbugs.. Those kilig moments..

I remember talking about it to one of my friends and we came to something real serious, I said something like.. "what am I doing wrong with my relationships? are they the ones whose treating me wrong, or am I just incapable of loving righteously.." and then I asked her.. "panu ba mag-mahal ng tama?" she just laughed at me.. but I know it made her think too. We always put the blame on others, but come to think of it.. Maybe it's us who's at fault here. Maybe, the more scared we are of getting hurt, we subconsciously hurt others in the process of protecting our very fragile hearts, not noticing, we become who we're afraid of. Good one huh?! That's what made me excited about welcoming not LOVE itself.. but the IDEA of falling in love. And considering myself a worthy partner.. I'm not in a hurry to get into it.. But right then, I've realized what I was doing wrong (maybe), and kept in mind how I could be a better lover.

Too bad for the most recent ones, I wasn't ready for them. They sure could've been the ones. NAaahH!! I'm not regretting anything.. It's just that.. well.. I miss how they loved me and treated me ever so nicely.. There.. I admit it. What can I say? I'm a human myself, although I seemingly may look like a goddess to some.. I walk and talk and breathe and feel just like anyone else here on Earth. Of course.. you know I'm kidding about the goddess part, right?!

Well, missing someone is just human nature, and looking at this bed.. I mean, this room.. I'm quite seeing a potential on this one crush. But.. I won't speak so soon.. I mean.. it's just a crush.. and, sure.. my heart has cooled down and my mind's a bit more dominant right now. I wouldn't want anyone to ruin my progress for me. I know he's just around the corner.. or her.. who knows.. D*mn!! I'm daydreaming again. It's my fault I guess.. Putting up this Frankie J, Avant and Stevie Hoang's music in the background of all this pinkness.

Funny how I told my friend about how I felt and she just replied.. "Besy, anu ka ba?! l***g lang yan, mag tigil ka nga jan!" haha.. the next thing I know, she's posting something on her wall that goes like this..

i miss having to call me "my own".. to share my everyday life with.. to argue with the silliest reason possible.. to call at the middle of the night juz to say "iloveu" or "imisu"..& for the record.. i miss being a GIRLFRIEND

Wow.. one thing I couldn't admit to myself.. and she said it almost so perfectly. I would've said it in a much better way.. Only.. I couldn't accept and face it.. ang dami kong paligoy ligoy.. When in fact.. I do.. miss being a girlfriend myself. Don't get me wrong, there are a couple wanting to join my list.. but.. I just can't go for anyone right? It's not me being pihikan.. but like what Jossie Gellar said..

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

Get my point?!
Now.. here's to hoping.

..wow..

Due to some memories I couldn't seem to get rid off.. I've decided to start a new blog site and keep this one private instead. Yes, the new one's been published already.. but cos of a very sweet follower.. my only follower, I think.. who has supposedly been inspired by my not so great a blog site.. I'm gona stick with this one.. and hopefully.. She won't get tired of me..

Unwell..

I'm sorry for making you feel unwell and for making you miss my posts.. There hasn't been much goin on really.. So, for you.. I'm gona keep this one open.. Really.. I appreciate it so much..

And thanks, dear.. for reaching out to me.. and for liking my page that much..
Stay Happee.. and inspired..

*Blushin*