I like my smile

Went to Batangas to celebrate the birthday of two of my friends.. Stayed there for three days and two nights. Great view, good friends, great beer..

I'm getting on track.. A little tippy toes somehow, being very careful about the things I'm doing. It's nice to have fun and set aside all the possibilities of hurting other people's feelings, including my own. I need to be protective of my silly little self.. you know.. the little baby girl, very fragile and naive when it comes to love.. aghhh.. Love.. Such a magical word.. Must be careful using them.. It's strong.. It kills.. hehe.. Not the body.. But the bubbly and joyful side of our personality.. Love destroys when without a partner.. You know.. The other half.. What am I saying..

Though there's a little bit of kurot.. I think I'm much better now.. Got a lot of job offers and a lot more stuff awaiting and begging to occupy my mind.. I wont lie.. I was broken but I never felt any galit or hatred.. In fact I want to tell you.. I did loved that.. that person.. Maybe I trully did.. But then.. I was able to forgive.. Able to let go and now.. I'm okay.. Wow.. I'm good.. It takes a lot of courage to move on and I was able to do that.. Wow.. I'm a rockstar!
..Or maybe because I'm starting to have crushes again..

I met someone.. I spent a whole weekend with that person.. Together with some of my friends and some friends nya rin.. Nothin' much to say about this someone.. I'm just excited to share.. This one makes me smile.. You know that kind of smile that you just can't hide and fight from showing.. Hmm.. I can't stop smiling when this person is in my head.. I'm not sure when was the last time I blushed.. But I have been this past week..

And I like it.. And its all because of you.. Take it Neyo.. I love the way it feels.. hmm..

Nothin serious really.. Just havin fun.. Some childish crush I guess.. Hope more of these happy feelings come my way..

Haaayy.. I love my friends.. they love me too.. They protect me.. They put up with me.. They are the best..

"Salamat sa mga offers.. hehe.. But I have my own plans for now.. alam nyo na yon.. Mwah!!"

Nawala na ko sa topic ko.. Anu ba yan.. Basta.. Masaya yung Batangas natin.. Masaya tayo noh.. even with a very little bit of a hassle.. hehe ..It's still all good..

Got a little somethin more to share right here..

I wasn't lying when I said I was happy,
But there are moments when a person misses their story.

Crazy coz I'm hurt

I'm a little bit out of my head right now.. Mentally and emotionally challenged currently.. Trying to fight every pathetic hurtful feeling overpowering my heart.. I am recently acting insane and as if I am drunk even without a drop of liquor in my mouth.. Oh, wait.. I have been drinking for consecutive days after the loss.. I don't want to love that ill-mannered, foul tongued love of my life anyway right.. But I still do.. But I don't want to.. But I still do.. Am I tired? Yeah.. very much.. I am pathetic for holding on to the memories.. D*mn memories!! Why wont you go away!! I am forgetful and everybody knows I have ulyaninism.. huh.. This feelings.. It's breaking me down.. I know.. It has been like six years and three months lang naman diba.. so What's all the fuss about right.. I'ts not like we're married or anything.. We don't even have kids naman diba.. I wont fight na nga.. I'll cry.. Until there's nothing left.. And by the time I see the one.. Oh boy.. She's /He's gonna be so lucky.. She's/He's gonna be so loved.. Oh baby.. I'm gonna treat her/him so right.. That person will never ever wanna let me go..

Funny.. It really hurts.. Amazing isn't it..

Isn't it amazing how you feel every minute of the pain in your body and live with them every other time. How amazing as well are those who stay strong and finds the courage to give out the fakest smile and still gets a little pleasure doing so. It is also so extremely amazing how one deals with pain-staking hours of thinking and getting no answers in the further end.

I per se am crazy laughing about all this pain that I'm feeling right now. Wondering how I could still be so much alive even with this agonizing matters in my DNA which seemingly may kill me...but doesn't. All of them are right inside you and that one can't seem to get control over them..HAHA! Talk about irony.

It's so difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels and yet, life calls upon us to do it, over and over and over and over and f*cking over and over again. What's that all about? Why? What's the deal? It's crazy isn't it?

Nobody can move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old. Eh, what if one doesn't really want to? Or do we really have to? Can everything just be plain easy. I know for some, it is. But why me? Pain sure knows what victim to attack don't they. Sweet, Loving, Pretty, Little, Skinny, Old, Young me.. =p

We even ask the almighty God, the source of all the love in the universe, to temporarily take away all these feelings we are still stubbornly keeping and give them back when the right one comes along..

I guess letting go is patented for humanity. Time comes in the context of love and romance, when one must learn to let go. For some unlucky little angles, such as yours truly, we must let go of a bitter sweet and romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be AFTER ALL.. perhaps it was hurtful, perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of either parties.

There may be feelings of hesitations and a lot more passion and love still left in our hearts.. We may be cynical about it and as if it may seem so weakening to just even think about it.. we must be strong and brave enough to accept.. NO! not accept.. face our biggest fears of f*cking LETTING GO.. Letting go of something that is extremely unhealthy for our divine selves.

To be continued.. Naiiyak ako eh.. hehe.. can't help the tears fall down my pretty cheeks.. Maya ulet.. Papa okay lang ako.. Smile.. God is good..

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I have to do it because I care.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

I'll do it For YOU..that's how much I love you

Every piece of the puzzle fell on it's proper place na.. My eyes have always been closed.. Everything is so clear na.. Kilala ko kung sino.. but don’t worry.. kilala mo naman ako diba.. hindi naman ako traydor.. at yun ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat.. sana alagaan ka nya more than I have.. I hope you go to church together.. Quickie.. i wont try to get you back anymore.. and trust that I wont get even and I wont try to hurt you.. i want you to be happy.. that's how much I love you.. I'm gonna be better din po and I'll be happy.. i hope i find the one.. i can't stand another goodbye.. pag nakita mo ko.. ngitian mo ko huh.. ma mimiss kita..
=')

I want to let it out..sorry..

Iniwan nya ko dahil sa mga bagong nakasama nya na nag impluwensha sa kanya..! Kinukutya sya na takot sha sa asawa nya! Inaalaska na under sha! Nilayo yung loob sakin dahil hindi sila masaya sa mga buhay nila..di ko naman nilayo sa inyo ung mahal ko eh..kahit nag kukulang na sha sakin pinapasama ko pa rin sha sa inyo..hindi kayo tunay na kaibigan kasi inalis nyo sa buhay nya yung taong pinaka nag mamahal sa kanya..buhay ko yung kinuha nyo eh..SANA MASAYA NA KAYO! Pinag palit nya six years dahil sa inyo.. alagaan nyo yan.. TI pag may nangyari masama jan dahil sa inyo.. mag sisisi kayo.. six years over f*cking GIMIK? wala kayong kunsensha.. u hav no idea what I'v been through to make us work.. kinunsinti nyo pa.. buhay ko sha mga tol..


Lies..all lies..Busted..How can I fall for a loser as such..I guess I'm the loser after all..

I'm badly bruised Lord.. be with me tonight Dear God..

what can I do.. dami ko pictures na nakita.. been lying to me all this time.. before sha mahuli.. iniwan na nya ko.. para wala ng sumbat.. ang galing nya no.. dahil saan? dahil sa mga bagong nakilala.. pinag palit nya ko sa mga bagong kaybigan na hindi naman sha titignan like I see her always.. ung taong mahal na mahal ko.. ni hindi ko naman inaway mga yon diba.. i was begging before na itrato nya ko like her friends.. pero wala po eh.. selfish po Lord.. I know I may have done some stupid things before.. but I know how to say sorry.. and the whole world knows kung sino talaga ang nag iisang mahal ko na kahit buhay ko kaya kong ibigay.. Don't I deserve a little bit of sorry a hug maybe.. I'm not mad.. I'd still say yes.. I tried to bring her to you Lord so you could touch her heart a little bit.. pero ang hirap nya i-crack open.. she doesn't love me Lord.. ayoko na sha mahalin.. gusto ko na mag move on.. but i'm being pulled down ng pag mamahal ko sa kanya.. gusto ko lang matulog.. i don't want to be afraid anymore.. kasi pag gising ko.. I have more strength para umiyak.. gusto ko na po maging masaya Lord.. please help me.. kasi po no one else is.. hinang hina na po ko God.. give me strength.. i'm badly bruised.. please God.. help me..

I hate rainy days

Bye Bye

Moving on.. (deep sighful breath..)

i have been an idealist for as long as i can remember..
i tried reading between the lines..
and i may have read beyond what is in between whats in between..
i may have over looked everything..my beliefs are so useless and meaningless right now..
i always thought I'd stand by them forever..but no matter how much you love someone..
you can't hold on to something who doesn't want to stay..
you can't make someone love you..
you can't make things better even if you totally and hungrily want to..

God..thank you for freewill..
it's kind of tricky and ironic at some point though..
but still..
no regrets..
it's better to have loved and lost..than to have never loved at all..

my baby made her point..
i don't want to..
but i guess i have to..
i love the person so much..
and if letting go means proving just that..

then goodbye my life..

I'm gonna miss you..

by the way..
this one's for you baby..

It feels like a lifetime,
A thousand days have passed by
Since I held you close to me
If I could see that smile from my friend
I know that I could live againI need you here with me

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for rightNow you're so far away
I hope and I pray
Somewhere in your heart I'll always stay

Baby, lately my sun doesn't shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, kwikz
'cause my sun doesn't shine,
Sun doesn't shine without you

This is more for me than for you
Babe, I finally see there's no substitute
For what we have
Do you know how much I love you

And what we share I can't forget
Babe a love like yours I'll never let just slip away
Just promise that you'll stay

Heaven knows what to say
Even though for right now you're so far away
Gonna tell you and show you
Do whatever I can do to get back to you

Pah, lately my sun doesn't shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, kwikz
'cause my sun doesn't shine,
Sun doesn't shine

Have you ever seen a flower that never blooms?
Seen a starless night without the moon
Well that's me without you
So come back and turn my nights into days

Len, lately my sun doesn't shine without you
Never noticed what it feels like to be without you
Feels like I took my last step
And my last breath in my life ending
Had to say just what I was feeling, baby
'cause my sun doesn't shine,
Sun doesn't shine without you