Entertaining my thoughts..

March.. My month. My time. My birthday is coming up. Had a good start already. I'm starting to feel the old Roan coming into life. She died six years ago you know. Now that she's resurrected. She's not about to murder herself once again. All the confidence is starting to grow back. Feeling a lot younger and a lot happier.. Thanks to people who knows one's worth and all the respect one deserves. I'm giving back all they deserve as well. It's just that.. I have realized something so useful today. I learned it from a person I met. All the fears I was getting from him.. All the arguments he won with the support of his incorruptible stands in life.. All the defenses stressed out by my system provided that it was just a healthy conversation and turns out.. It was a mere display of him wanting to complicate things. Gave a great impact on me, with his beliefs in life. I thought.. heck.. He's right.. When someone wants something.. Why can't we just give it to them. Let everyone win.. and for someone like me who gets the sickest pleasure knowing someone is not bothered by your presence and knowing he's winning and somehow you know inside you're letting him.. oh whao.. who could possibly lose. But he can't be the only one given that kind of gift. You know.. The ability to be honest and not be condemned for it. Cos hey.. At least he's honest right? Now, why didn't I thought of that before. No promises.. No commitments.. Nothing really.. I've thought.. Just pure happiness.. right?? Nah.. Let's add up complications along with it.. and the fact that you understood each other.. That's all that counts.. He's absolutely right.. With all the beauty this world could offer.. A lifetime isn't enough to enjoy half of it. Just make like a parasite and move on to the next one. Search and destroy philosophy.. Whao.. Kind of.. leaving me with a simple and yet.. inspiring thought.. Never make promises for they are made to be broken by people like me who has a much deeper purpose in life. It's all coming clear to me. Be liberated why don't we.

Anyway.. just entertaining my thoughts.. hehe.. No glory really..

Had another crazy siesta the other day, Saturday, I think. I've been sober again for the millionth time. Did not planned on going, but my feet was seemingly drawing me to the direction where the beers were all over the place.. a whole deal of fun you wouldn't want to miss.. Plus.. a valid invitation was sent out to yours truly. Beer.. Such a tempt. I couldn't stop myself from pumping out the inner maldita in me. The situation was really calling for it. See.. what happened was I like this person.. Sobra.. But since I am a good judge of character and all that.. So are other girls. I'm not the only one who knows a real deal when I see one. Got a lot of competitions not to be blinded by my confidence and all that.. You know.. Ngee-yao!! kkksshhh!! (that's me sounding like an angry kitty..haha!) Wait.. Nothing to be jealous about.

I have had enough of the jealousy in the world and I needn't trouble myself with uncomfortable feelings it may plant upon my already malfunctioning brain.

New prospectives were given the gift of the chance to be accompanied by the greatest people from my work place. I was blessed to be with them from time to time, you know.. Smart and really inspiring people. I couldn't care about how long my work span would last within the company that I'm currently working for. But there's the fact that another reason I am trying to improve my performance is so that I could be with them much longer. I believe few are lucky enough to have co workers who is as great as the people I work with. Or perhaps, I am feeling this cos I came from a h*llish relationship that everything that comes along is so grand.. haha!

Kisser should I label myself.. What the heck is wrong with a single person kissing people she feels like kissing.. especially when they're comforting kisses laid on the cheeks of people whom you feel like needing them.. Plus.. you adore them dearly. Would it even be my fault? Should my wanting to be really sweet justify their being bothered by it.. Momie.. help.. Considering those playful minds.. Perhaps.. They could be who they are.. but I couldn't?! Haay.. Should I be a key ingredient to eliminate doubts in this world.. Should I chose to play tricks on their minds, and later have them proven wrong.. they will then won't give a care in the world of what others may lay upon them next time. Know what.. I wouldn't.. I believe they are depriving themselves of the magic of friendship. Tagging everything with malice and ambiguity. I guess that's one price every man has to pay having the gift of that little heads attached in between their sexy thighs.. connected to a much more useful and magnificent head that couldn't be superior when an obvious situation comes in front of them.. Let little humper do all the thinking.. (doesn't sound right.. hehe..)

Moving on..

Let me tell you what I know about them.. four guys I know.

Monsieur Compliqué

The title describes him.. as per claimed. He is a smart opinionated guy who wants to make others think about stuff. Things that doesn't matter at one point would seem to when he starts talking about it. He makes perfect sense all the time, it becomes irritatingly agreeable. He, at one time, told me that I was a coward. Talk about wanting to make things happen. He's pretty good at making someone, who's really good at reading between the lines, understand such complicated things? I thought I could make things happen.. Until I met him.. Well, my defenses are far too solid for him to subconsciously change them for me.. Or so I think.. waaahh.. He's the type of person who could get away with words. My opinion (which may seem of no importance to smart guys like him) I think people make things complicated so to divert the things that are obvious from the reality of everything that isn't. Talk about stuff huh..

The Warrior (..is a child)

I don't know how else to call him. There's no dull moment everytime you spend time with him. If laughter is the best medicine.. I would prescribe him to you.. That or I'm just really shallow. My bhud, he seems to stick up to his laid-back image. He acts as though he's the heavy hitter..lady-killer type of guy. When I know for sure that deep inside.. he's just like a little boy who seeks for special appreciation just like every other guy I know. The more others notice him.. the more satisfaction he gets from it.. Which is, by the way, not at all that bad. We don't know.. that he comes running home when he falls down.. We don't know who picks him up when no one is around.. He drops his sword and cries for just a while.. Cos deep inside his armour.. The warrior is my bhud.. hehe..

Mr. Fair and Square (Yah.. whatever)

I don't know how to bluntly describe him. All I know is that what you see is what you get. If you don't see it.. Then you don't get it.. hehe.. Be keen.. Be wise.. It's all in the eyes.. It's all in front of you.. Now whatcha gonna do? Nice noh? I just thought about that. Anyway.. He's got his own funny side like The warrior and partial seriousness from Mr. Complicated. He talks to a friend with a balance from his mind and from his heart. He tells you what you need to know and suggest stuff on what you can do. Wait.. finding my descriptions a bit ironic, knowing for a fact that his job is to.. somewhat as I have described him.. haha.. He mentioned one time, that I'm different from when we're discussing stuff from work and when we're all goofing around. I wonder if he preffers me googing around when he's in an earnest mode.. You see.. He may tend to joke bout stuff.. But one could easily tell when he's serious or not.. That is, if you could only read people.. I couldn't see him getting angry though.. Hmm..

His Eminent

And so he came.. Smile..

Everyone looks up to him. Everyone respects him. Smart people are intrigued by him.. I know, I am.. (Not that I'm smart or anything..) Most are fascinated by everything he does.. His walk.. I heard someone commend his booty once.. haha.. When he talks.. Everyone listens. He's cute when he stutters though.. Especially for a guy who seems to know anything.. About everything.. All the great qualities ideal to ones imagination.. He's sweet and really sensitive about other's feelings. Great job parents! Make more of his kind.. Seems running out of HIMS.. haay.. I know someone who cheers up everytime his face flashes in front of.. anywhere I guess. He doesn't seem to know his effect on chicas. The scent.. embeded in the soul.. It's not the brand.. It's him.. Been very humble about his very weakening aura.. I wonder.. Did he realize his worth today.. I learned sometime not so long ago.. and I mean.. not so long ago.. This crazy girl wanted a dose of him every single day.. I also learned that the girl finds him really hot and quite a turn on.. yihee.. Could you even blame the girl.. The eyes.. wohoo.. is it hot in here.. aahh.. Tummy ache.. hehe.. Joke! He's so cute when he's makulet.. He's a gentleman.. And a perfect company.. He converses really well.. Very articulate.. Great sense of humor too.. Never fails to make me smile.. There's more to what words could say.. The page ain't enough to describe his wonders.. He's great you know.. Have I mentioned that? Oh.. I forgot.. Wow..

I guess.. I wouldn't know what I really REALLY mean to these guys.

If I won't be on the floor.. Would we still hang out.. Either way.. the business wouldn't be the same without them.. especially without the big boss.. who binds all of us together.. I find it really entertaining how people judge them when they don't even know who these guys really are.. I per se, am very good when it comes to discerning peoples hidden attributes.. and these guys.. they each have greatness thrust upon them.. ones that stands out.. (grin)

Anyway..

Earlier I was crazy.. Then I got perky.. Then.. Now.. I'm confused.. haha.. I wonder why.. Conperky??.. ain't it funny is it just beginners luck (singing?)

No fair making me cry every endth of the month though. Got to revoke the power from something that's not even there. It's not supposed to happen. I have to be happy all the way.

As my momie goes.. "No one has the power to hurt me.. unless I let them". Why am I letting.. huhu.. Why make me cry.. bad you.. huhu.. Actually, I could be happy.. No commitments.. No pain.. No game.. No promises.. hmm.. Could we talk about kisses next time?? I like kisses.. I'm a.. uhmm.. hmm.. I like kisses on the cheeks.. and flying kisses.. and hugs.. from my friends.. what does that make me..

Not making a point. Once again.. I'm lost. Battling with myself. Crazy and stupid actions provided by one so naive trying to sound smart and competent. While as to the truth of life.. I'm just a car without an engine trying to drive and manipulate my own undirected life.

Go to sleep Roan!!