Sweet are the uses of adversity

I just had my birthday. It wasn't like how I annually plan it to be, but nonetheless.. it went pretty well for me. God truly acts in mysterious ways. It was supposed to be a little gathering between some friends and a few acquaintances from work. When we got there, there was another set of coworkers within the venue. Some fellas from our segment also came.. and then.. it was a blast. I was just a bit embarrassed cos I didn't paid for everything.. which isn't usually how I am during celebrations as such. As much as possible, my share if not is 100%.. it's at least bigger than the half. Anyway, it was really interesting because on that day, was one of the highlight conversations I've had in my life. I spoke to one of the guys there and surprisingly.. we kinda understood each other.. don't get me wrong.. I wasn't attracted to him in any getting-to know-kilig factor way or anything like that.. nope! We were sharing about life with a beer on our hands. He said that his batch mates would always notice me and they would talk about how great I looked as a pregnant lady with all the rumors following my big pregnant butt. He also mentioned that they somehow knew what happened to me but they didn't felt hate cos they felt like I'm a nice person. They would also notice how my eyes were bombarded for almost everyday that they would come across yours truly and that I still manage to go to a toxic place and smile at everyone in spite of all the backstabbing they have been seeing. What surprised me even more though is when he started crying.. like a little boy.. when I talked about how I'm so over the top fine now and that my daughter is the 90% reason behind it.. how the world's perception of my life is of no importance cos I have all the means to be happy.. and that my daughter and I don't need someone who doesn't want to play the role God forcingly gave him.. just there.. he blurted out all his heart's ache.. he told me how we're almost caught up in a somehow similar situation.. only.. he's scared of how his girlfriend and baby would feel like how I was. I said.. "hmm bakit naman..ayaw mu bang maging masaya sila?" he paused.. drank his beer and replied with tears falling from his eyes.. "di kami parehas ng daddy ng baby mo.. my girlfriend doesn't want me in her life anymore.. but I don't have the strength to give her what she wants. Selfish ako in a way cos I wanted us to be a family.. I love my girlfriend and hate her at the same time.. pero ayoko silang talikuran for i want them to give me the respect a father deserves from his mag ina.." I was speechless. I honestly ran out of good things to tell him. I drank my beer too and gave him a pat on his back.

There would come a time in our lives when all we have to do is to accept things as they come. It might not be as comforting as all the other decisions we have made before, but at least we are giving others and ourselves a chance to grow into something that we ourselves are not so sure about. Wala naman kasing bad outcome eh. It's just a matter of how we could run around a really complicated situation. A gamble. Take it. Play your bad cards right and hope for the better. If we lose.. there would always be this "one time".. and it would all be enough to get us going.

I couldn't share my happiness to my new buddy.. I can't have him feel bad cos I don't. I said to him. "Do your part and don't expect too much in return.. and so when you leave this world.. You will feel pride knowing you have played your purpose righteously.. and that couldn't be taken away from you.

Now, I'm always finding every reason to be happy and quite surprisingly.. I'm not running out of them. Plus.. my fatty areas are proof of how I am doing just great. All we need is a little push. And when you really really think about it.. sweet are the uses of adversity.. it makes us thankful for the little things that we have.. Little things that fills the air with my laughter.

to be continued..