There's nowhere to run to

Everywhere I go, there's always complications. I don't want to ask, cos I know I won't get any answers. People won't even leave me alone to let me cry even for a second. They'd ask why. They'd reprimand me from doing so. We're just freakin tired. I can't hide. I can't even release my stress. Why do you have to ask. You can't help me anyway. Why won't you jerks just leave me alone!?

Everywhere I turn to.. Nothing seems to fit. I can't breathe.. I don't want to ask.. I just want to be okay. I'm not even asking to have everything perfect.. I just want to be okay.. Cos I'm not..

God.. It may seem like I'm staying away from You.. I just feel like I can't handle your tests right now.. I'm sorry.. I just don't have the patience to fight it all off.. I'm really sorry.. I just want to be happy before she comes out.. But I just can't seem to be.. I don't know why.. No matter how hard I push myself.. I just can't.. And she's taking everything.. I'm so weak.. I've never been this helpless before.. I hope she's okay..

I'm finding ways to distract myself, really.. Every little thing seems to hurt me.. Every little detail seems to be so big a deal.. I'm not always like this.. I can't seem to do anything.. I can't talk to anyone.. Cos all the things I usually talk about seems to make no sense at all.. Even to myself.. It's funny.. But.. What's wrong with me..

I don't understand myself.. Am I dying or something..
God don't let me go yet.. I have so much more to do.. I haven't even figured out my purpose.. I haven't even touched lives.. I know cos people haven't been very grateful lately.. That's why I know I'm still useless.. I can't die yet.. I haven't' done anything grand yet.. All I do is cry and cry and cry.. I'm so pathetic.. I'm a pathetic pregnant person.. I chose to be alone.. No one understands.. Or at least.. None of them who I wish would understand me, nderstands me..

What kind of journey did I embark myself on? Maybe it's all my fault. God.. What do You want me to do? What are You trying to tell me? I don't understand. I'm off track.. I'm not sure anymore.. Am I supposed to be this way, cos I think I did tried to embrace all the pain and confusion and foulness that's been happening to me.. It still didn't worked out.. I don't know.. God I'm so clueless.. I don't know anything.. I know I'm not supposed to know everything.. But.. What's happening.. I don't have any control..

Can you sense all the pain and confusion along with it?
I don't know what to do..

Searching for guidance.. Help me Lord..