Tomorrow I'll be off to work again. I don't want to go back to that same work place specifically. I just want to stay home and take good care of her.. my Riane. Although. there are no easy options really, but I'd wholeheartedly take the hard way through it than take the easy way out.
I was feeling a bit heavy hearted earlier. Imagining how our relationship with each other would be years from now. Will she look up to me? Will she be proud of me? It's really scary.. and how my heart thumps so hard just thinking about it. But I guess it's just normal to feel all these cos I'm human right? She's so cute.. She's asleep.
The day I found out about her wasn't really as magical a scenario could be.. But every day.. every second and every time.. I fall in love with her more and more. She eases my pain and the mere thought of her takes away all the aches.. Oh how I can't live without her. Literally.. There'd be no reason for me to breathe without her. And all the things I'm going to do now is all in consideration for her. How I wanted it to be just the two of us so we can live worry-free. I wanted to run away from everyone else but there's nowhere else to go. All the fears from the past will somehow, find it's way back to you.. and there's nothing else to do but face em all.. everytime. Going back to work would be like putting my hands on fire, it'll be disgustingly awful.. but somehow, it'll be fruitful for the both of us.. until I can afford to find another job.
The day I found out about her wasn't really as magical a scenario could be.. But every day.. every second and every time.. I fall in love with her more and more. She eases my pain and the mere thought of her takes away all the aches.. Oh how I can't live without her. Literally.. There'd be no reason for me to breathe without her. And all the things I'm going to do now is all in consideration for her. How I wanted it to be just the two of us so we can live worry-free. I wanted to run away from everyone else but there's nowhere else to go. All the fears from the past will somehow, find it's way back to you.. and there's nothing else to do but face em all.. everytime. Going back to work would be like putting my hands on fire, it'll be disgustingly awful.. but somehow, it'll be fruitful for the both of us.. until I can afford to find another job.
Funny how I think about it. That work place was just a rebound state for me. I never intended to be serious within that place. All I wanted to do was get drunk, pass out and socialize. I recall my sober days.. so unbelievably insane.. It was like, I wasn't looking forward to what the next day will bring.. I can even remember my very first crush in that place. Nonetheless, all I was wanting, is to heal..
God says otherwise.. God says..
"That's not the way it goes angel, I answered your mom's prayers when you shouldn't be there as a human after all.. so fall inlove.. get your heart broken over and over again.. defy your means and feel all the human pain and emotions that you possibly can.. cos you're here not to fall inlove.. at least not today.. I'm gona give you someone.. a little one who needs your guidance.. your true purpose here on earth.. do it right and.. maybe.. I'll give you your heart's fairy tale.."
I made that all up.. but, wouldn't it be a nice explanation as to why I am this way.. a fallen angel who gets her last chance on earth.. great story.. either way Lord, what ever message it was that You were trying to tell me.. I know it's all good.. and I'll take care of her.. even without.. a vampire who got off from a taxi cab.. =')
Just making myself laugh.. but it would really be nice if there's someone out there for me too..
"That's not the way it goes angel, I answered your mom's prayers when you shouldn't be there as a human after all.. so fall inlove.. get your heart broken over and over again.. defy your means and feel all the human pain and emotions that you possibly can.. cos you're here not to fall inlove.. at least not today.. I'm gona give you someone.. a little one who needs your guidance.. your true purpose here on earth.. do it right and.. maybe.. I'll give you your heart's fairy tale.."
I made that all up.. but, wouldn't it be a nice explanation as to why I am this way.. a fallen angel who gets her last chance on earth.. great story.. either way Lord, what ever message it was that You were trying to tell me.. I know it's all good.. and I'll take care of her.. even without.. a vampire who got off from a taxi cab.. =')
Just making myself laugh.. but it would really be nice if there's someone out there for me too..
but really, Lord.. I'll live out my purpose here.. and thank You, that it is Riane.. I should know that she's all I need to make it to this world. I will try to answer all her questions as truthfully and as best as I possibly can. I will make sure that as she grows up, she wouldn't wish it any other way.. I will provide for her and I will protect her.. My life is for her now.. Guide me Lord.. I need You.. I love her.. She's my reason for being and I'm gona make this work for us..
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment