Thursday, September 23, 2010

Crushed

Hmm.. Bored.. Really dead beaten over boredom..

My tummy has been aching too from indigestion since I've been having so much fun being with this sweet thing who's been feeding me like there's no tomorrow. It was her birthday and I was with her for three days. Amazing. It was like a dream that is happening as things unfold. Thoughtful, kind and selfless, considerate, passionate, a very good specimen who I enjoy kissing and sniffing.. soft spoken, gentle, her hands are warm.. I like holding em.. couldn't sing a tune really but cos she's very easy on the eyes.. I really don't care about anything else.. just looking at her feels like I'm looking at one of God's prime masterpieces.
She was all that I ever wanted.

As much as I don't want to complain though.. I just don't feel so good today. Maybe cos my body of 27 years and 6 months has change. I get tired so easily and I just want to sleep most of the time. I couldn't catch up with fun activities like I used to. When I'm awake, my energy is all focused on my darling baby. Actually, I've gotten so accustomed to being a single mom and I'm not really sure if I want to share my love and attention to any other but my little girl.. and I'm sorry to say that I don't want to share her with any other, but myself. I've learned to let go of every bit of memory that build up false hopes and promises which affected ideals.. and I have learned to embrace all that I have. I've buried the past and I just couldn't handle it if they would come back and haunt me. They just don't matter to me anymore. I wish they would just stay buried. I wish that they would be kind enough to let me enjoy what they have helped me to have become.

Considering all the pressure that I'm being pulled into.. Being surrounded by seemingly great people doesn't interest me at the moment. As much as I appreciate all the wonderful intentions they are offering me, I just don't have anything else to offer at the moment. I know some even asked me for nothing in return but time and the chance to let them love me.. but see, I just couldn't let them. They might fall so hard and I'm not sure if I'd be there to catch them. I'm not perfect and surely I am not all that.. but who am I to say these things right?

How foolish do you think am I? Really.. Am I at fault here?

I'm not selfish.. but somehow, I may be trying to be. When someone not so great like me.. finds peace and comfort with everything that God has provide for me, could you blame me for not desiring anything more. I guess you could say.. this is how contented I am.. Could you really? Tell me..

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