Figure it out, Babe..

I will be signing a new job offer tomorrow. During the interviews and the examinations, I sure was a bit terrified at one point. The final interview was really tough, for I had to answer real personal questions. Same as with the others that came before it. I didn't lie though.. nuh-uh.. not once. I told the reason why my heart wanted to leave my previous job. I told them as honestly as I possibly could. Miraculously, I got accepted.. I passed. The visit over Don Bosco along with a special friend probably helped a lot. Thank You Lord God. Something weird though.. The acceptance didn't felt as good as I thought it would be. It sure felt different. See, when I left ACS, I didn't thought any other company would give me a chance to work with them. Convergys proved it otherwise. The company accepted me and disregarded my past flaws. Convergys boost up my morale. Convergys made me felt I was really something.. something useful, worth keeping and a valuable asset to their company. It was awesome! I even won an iPod touch. Didn't lasted though.. Only stayed for seven days, when I should've at least stayed for three more days so just to complete the CCTraining.. and golly, that was just the easy part.. english, grammar and culture studies. I could've lifted off to PSTraining effortlessly.. but I didn't.. I went off the other way around. And just there, I've let go of something I really wanted.

Now, here comes another great thing. The new job I'm about to sign up tomorrow. It should be great right? I'm' just wondering though.. Why can't it feel just as good? Why does it feel so.. different? How come, I'm not too excited about it.. What's missing? What's wrong with this one? Everyone says this new company is high paying, has good benefit package, really prestigious.. and so, and so.. Makes me think.. Will I sign it just for the sake of having a job? Will I sign it cos it's been a while since I've been so much of a bum? Will I force myself to love it just cos everyone does? Will I force myself to enjoy it just cos everyone thinks it's something really good? Will I force myself to look forward to going there tomorrow cos everyone is happy for me? Why do I feel so.. different.. when I know, that I couldn't mess this one up?

Crazy huh? This is all I ever wanted. Why can't I feel anything..?

Dear Lord God.. Guide me.. I love you so much po..