CHANGES *please stop scaring me*

Everything around me seems to be changing so fast.. It's really scary..

An old friend from highschool has been keeping in touch with me.. Noticed though that she has become all involved in religious stuff and she has this new image and it's very sweet.. Not that I didn't liked her before.. I liked her, a lot actually.. Her craziness.. Her teasing and wild ways.. Her being loud.. Kinda mellowed down a bit, I would asume that I wouldn't be able to play with her anymore like we used to.. metaphorically, that is.. But anyway.. I did browsed her pictures up.. I can see how she's so happy with her life right now.. I admire her, let me tell you.. She went through a lot during highschool.. Lost her mom at a very young age, not sure as to how she lost her dad.. Crazy rumors bout her.. Which usually happens if you're one of the best.. A lot would look down on you even if you are so damn close to perfection.. Rumors that came from people I grew up calling my friends.. Turned out, also did a couple ones on me.. Anyway.. My old friend.. She's pretty much the real deal.. She can sing.. dance.. she's witty.. she is very good at almost everything.. And she's pretty too.. best of all, she cranks me up.. hehe.. Kinda lost touch over the years until, recently.. With the way she talks to me and reading her shout outs.. She did changed a lot.. I'd like to talk to her again.. about life.. about everything.

Someone also called me up earlier today. I didn't know why I answered.. I was a bit hazy, I guess.. We talked for a couple of minutes. It went well I can say.. A little laughter and quite a bit of almost.. hmm.. whatever popped out.. He also shared a bit about his health.. Made me sad, just thinking about it now.. His life.. his health.. depends on his lifestyle.. He can't do a couple of things he used to, which by the way, involved a lot of fun, carelessness and.. I'd say craziness too. I remembered spendin sober moments with him.. I really didn't cared much about myself.. All I wanted to do is drink and get drunk.. and pass out. He took me home everytime though.. Took good care of me for a moment there..

A lot of things surely changed.. It's like a whole new world every second.. Have these changes paired up with memories.. God.. So heavy.. Can't handle em.. Bad.. Are they some sort of evil doings or something.. Cos anything that's heavy in the heart surely is a work by something else.. Only the toughest survive.. The weak, either, runs away from em.. or just cry cos there's nowhere else to go..

Tears.. surely a sign of weakness.. And a smile.. may be a sign of strength.. or so believed to be.. I heard that tears are unspoken words.. Hmm.. ang daldal ng mata ko then.. If all things must change, then I would need to learn to move and run faster so I can catch up.. I would need to learn to speak louder so I can be heard.. I need to be firm with my decisions so I don't go by running around them.. Baffles me though.. How come I seem to stand by my beliefs and not by my decisions.. they are supposed to be intertwined right? Hold it.. Brain jammed..

Thought about complications and then everything went.. sfjiefrofshfakashfkshfks0riewoiwu

I'm thinking, what I know often defies what I believe.. What I do is often based on them said beliefs.. I don't always trust what I believe so I stand by what I think is right.. Which often turns out to be wrong.. I know it's wrong cos it hurts.. I really need to stop complicating things.. Just cos others are unpredictably predictable, doesn't mean I have to take their.. hmm *what am I going to use as an alternative for b*llsh*ts?*.. misdoings?

hay.. need a rest..

I'm sorry..