My aNgeL's HaLo

I like Beyonce's Halo.. My angel Riane is the very first person I thought about when I heard the song.. She's my everything.. The rest just don't f*ckin matter now.. Isn't it amazing what a little baby can do to you.. Especially when the baby is yours.. She's right here beside me and I'm missing her already.. Just got to smell her breath and kiss her cheeks.. She's the source of my strength.. I wonder.. Does she get weak kaya everytime I try to replenish my strength? Hmm.. Di naman siguro.. Angels don't run out of positive energy diba..

One thing that bothers me though is the single thought of this.. one person.. That single thought disconnects me from everything good that's left in my wholeness.. Everytime the person enters the back of my mind.. I lose it.. I get disoriented and I tend to break down.. I was wondering how I can fight it off.. How I won't be affected by all that freaking force that pulls me down everytime.. I can't always bring my angel with me.. I have to work.. I have to grow too as a person.. Hmm.. I guess all I need is a full body and soul makeover..

How do I start then? They say one should always start within.. Yup.. Check.. I'm doing that.. I'm on the right track I guess.. I have isolated myself temporarily from everyone and I am slowly.. gently trying to pick up and compose myself.. I try to sleep when my angel is asleep.. Hmm.. I should be resting right now.. Sorry.. Can't help it.. Had to write this.. Baka makalimutan ko na naman.. Where was I? Oh, right.. I'm also eating three times a day.. I take a bath daily na rin.. To cleanse all the negative aura in me.. Oh goodness.. Was that a confession right there? Oh noh.. Hehe.. So wrong.. Let me re-phrase that.. I take a bath TWICE daily.. Believe me, you.. non-existing reader!

Anyway.. Kinda making me smile about how I was so silly and jealous during my pregnancy.. Right, I know.. I was the most stupid pregnant woman.. The most stupid person for that matter.. God, though, has been really so good to us ni baby Riane.. He took good care of us both in spite of all my craziness..

Lord.. I'm sorry po ah.. I've been out of line and yet.. You understood my stupidity.. You were there beyond my childishness and irrationality.. Forgive me Lord.. I wasn't patient enough with myself.. (tear jerkin..gota kiss her,need to go to the source of my strength..hang on a sec)

There.. Fully regenerated.. She cried though.. Funny thing about my little Riane.. There are times na maputi sha and there are times na she's all red.. When she's furious or hungry, I guess.. She's nangingitim.. Hehe.. She changes color.. =) There are a couple of manerisms too that's like that of her father.. Hmm.. Not too thrilled to talk about that.. Oh.. Her umbilical chord fell off last week.. Wow.. It's amazing how I'm witnessing everything about her.. First teardrop.. First laughter with sounds.. First funny face caught on camera.. Haay.. Can anyone explain this smile on my face.. God.. Getting in touch with my mominess.. And another thing.. Breastfeeding-SUCKS.. haha.. I mean, the pain.. it's just unbearable.. Had to endure all that with the thought that she'll grow up smart and healthy.. and pretty..

I was so full of sh*t.. My jealousy and insecurity got the best of me when everyone knows I'm the fairest of them all.. Hehe.. *may reklamo sa baranggay*

teka.. my head is aching.. and my back too..