Name that phobia

I was actually looking for a perfect definition of how I am feeling. I wanted to write an article about it.. but I am not fully composed. I am out of my mind and grasping for a clear breath.. but I could not grab anything sensible. I could not compose a thought. Only adjectives.. Feeling so much betrayed.. in a couple of angles..

I lost 6,800.. Someone stole from my account. I worked hard for it. Why do I lose things I work hard for. Things I invested in.. Am I that stupid.. I'm so sick.. I know I can trust my family.. and friends.. But why can't I just trust everybody with my life..

Maybe that's my talent after all. See.. I was wondering what I was actually ever good at.. A special field that I actually excel on.. Found it!! Allowing others to take take advantage of me.. Not in a sexual way.. haha.. I'm so great at losing stuff..

I got broken again.. Maybe I wasn't fixed after all.

I lay in bed all day... all night.. I didn't wanted to move. I was so confused and really helpless.. Why would somebody want to steal from me.. Maybe cos I give a lot.. and they would not think I would mind.

Will this ever end.. haha! I'm quite sick of this.. It's like having a third eye.. only.. it is open not for ghosts.. but for foulness.. pain.. abuse.. rudeness.. mean people and bad manners.. lies..

I am very naive.. I'm weak!! I could not think of revenge.. I take everything.. Hard blows and kicks.. And I know, that with just a sweet lie.. one sorry.. a touch.. a hug.. FORGIVEN!

Very soft..
Fragile..
Such a woos..
A freaking baby!!
(helpless.. a lot of fears.. shattering body.. trembling hands.. in constant pain.. tears)

I'm just quite tired though.. Seriously, I am.. really quite sick of you all.. What have I done to you? Mabuting tao naman ako ah.. Kunin nyo yung di importante.. Ako pa mag hahatid sa inyo..

Teka.. Tanong lang.. Masarap naman ako bumawi diba..
Nakakasawa kayo.. Hilo na ko..

I guess I'll just have to laugh about it.. There are things in this world that I can't do anything about.. or maybe there is.. I'm just not aware of the good ones to do.. and there are a lot of obvious bad ones but I just chose not to be mean.. Cos if I did.. God would really hate me.. And I know how He rewards kind people.. I would not want Him to smite me..

But honestly po.. Pagod na ko.. Gusto ko na lang po matulog.. Lagi..
Name that phobia.. and continue to live with it anyway..