Feel beautiful within

***Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a movie freak, I care about animals, I love to eat seafood (except fish), I am an idealist, can be pretty honest, really amiable and in my mid twenties. Most of the time, I don't really care about my image. I often let my hair fall anywhere it does. I put on clothes that I am just comfortable wearing. I don't carry a lot of stuff when I go out, just as long as the clothes I am wearing has pockets for money and my phone. I don't wear a lot of make up. Just a lip color and some powder, maybe a little mascara..and I'm all set (except when I take pictures..I tend to go a little crazy). I value good manners and proper etiquette. I have cool friends. God loves me and my family is perfect. I don't like fights and arguments. I can be pretty messy if my family is involved or the people that I care about. I'm one tough cookie.

These are a bit about me. Can't really complain huh? But lately I've been up and down with how I feel about my personality. I have been trying to convince myself that I am a good person, but I haven't really caught some proof of that. Sure I pray a lot but that doesn't make me a saint. Not that I want to be a saint or something. I just want to be acknowledged in my own goodness per se.

Let me give you a clip from my all-time favorite movie:

Edward: "You could be so much more."
Vivian: "People put you down enough, you start to believe it."
Edward: "I think you are a very bright, very special woman."
Vivian Ward: "The bad stuff is easier to believe..you ever notice that?"
Roan: "DON'T BELIEVE THEM VIVIAN!"

A lot of people may talk negatively about me. I don't really care. But whenever I think of how I am continuously making amendments within myself to be a good person for others, some are doing exactly the opposite (which is persistently trying to make me look bad), makes me want to throw up and say.. "Why bother?"

Maybe a lot is angry at me because I have hurt them. Maybe I am a bad person. But you know what? I don't want to be bad! I try my hardest to please people. I can even be a pushover! I have not hurt people intentionally. Well, I may have had. You know how people literally "ask for it"? I don't know. They probably did that to themselves, unconsciously. I know that people often insult out of improper anger or jealousy, and people who continuously perfect these insults, grow old and fugly.

And another thing, it's not like I go around places intentionally hurting other people, you know. Its not like I have my victims or something. I know I'm not all bad. I know I have a great character in me and I’m trying to find my beauty from within, rather than from everyone else's point of view. I figured, no matter how many times somebody tells me I’m beautiful and this and that, none of it will really matter until I believe so myself. I have to feel beautiful on the inside so that things can really make a lot of difference in my life and my self-confidence.

Granted, there are mean and kniving people around me, but here is what I have learned so far off the top of my head:

1. The best revenge is for others to see how they have failed making you feel less about yourself and letting them find out how successful you have become in spite of their constant bugging you.
2. Don't be superficial. I should not be caught up in society's perception of what beautiful is.
3. Never be envious of others, in fact, let them be envious of me. Rid all of the possible insecurities. Try to avoid comparing one's self with others.
4. Understand that everybody makes mistakes..including smart, pretty sexy little me (he-he, no mistake about the latter).
5. Be humble Miss! Humility takes a lot of courage and wisdom. It can help one be more content with one's life, can also help endure bad times and improve relationships with others.
6. Laugh more! Even at myself. Read funny jokes, quotes and stories too. Cheer others too.
7. Learn to sincerely accept others for who they are so they may sincerely accept you too
8. Be proud of your goodness. Don't change the beautiful person that you are just because people think you suck. However, if you must change, change for the better
9. Make a list and try to develop and enhance special talents.
10. Object once in a while. People often abuse others' silence. Fight for the ones you love once in a while. If it helps, defer with their mediocrity but in a courteous manner.
11. Have a strong point. Don't just yap and yap, stand up for what you beilieve in. They'd be too embarrassed to even argue. They'd either be more furious or will just love you.
12. Be smarter. Don't think you know it all! Be open-minded enough to seek out new knowledge. Besides, learning is fun.
13. Protect yourself. Give the benefit of the doubt. Be a great judge of character. Don't over do it though.
14. Be honest to yourself. Don't live in a fantasy where everything is is either good or bad. Balance everything. Be positive though.

That's about it for now. I'm gonna have to appreciate every single detail in my face, body and soul. Look in the mirror, look at others. I don't look like them, they don't look like me. I'm unique. No one else looks like me, the one and only amazing Roan!

I love who I am! And if people can't deal with this, then that makes me even more proud of my self.